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Category Archives: Marriage

Giving My Support for Father’s Day

6 / 11 / 186 / 11 / 18

“Where do you want to go for lunch?” I asked my husband, who was driving our van with all three kids in tow.

“How about Arby’s?” he answered.

“Naa… I don’t think so. The kids don’t usually eat there. Let’s just go to Wendy’s.”

My husband suddenly looked a little put-out. What had I done? Weren’t we just having a casual conversation?

Fast-forward a couple months. We’re driving again — this time on a long trip. Every so often at Texting the Truth we like to ask our hubbies questions that guide us on blog posts. We’ve been hashing out this #bemomstrong theme; so I asked him, “What makes a strong wife?”

And he had a lot to say. Not in a negative or criticizing way — just in a “I have a clear answer for that” kind of way.

He said that a strong wife is supportive. This is what that means to him:

  • When she asks for his opinion, she really listens to it.
  • When he has an idea, she respects it.
  • When he says something in private or public, she doesn’t make him look stupid by laughing or contradicting him.
  • When he needs it, she encourages him, even if she really thinks he kinda messed up.

And here’s the kicker: He said it’s just as important to do this in the little things, as in the big things.

And suddenly the dejectedness following the question of where to go for lunch made sense. Because I used to do that all the time — ask him a question, and then decide against it. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it had added up.

When a woman supports her man in this way, she’s saying, “I think you’re wise. I think you’re smart. I trust you.” The best part is that through that simple thing, she’s building him up — strengthening him. In turn, it strengthens their overall relationship.

I’m still catching myself thinking my way or my idea is better than his. But after respecting his ideas, I’ve learned that his ideas are often brilliant — things I never would have come up with. This has been especially true in tough parenting situations. Before, I would have seen a problem happening with one of our children and come to him with my very well-laid out plan, expecting him to JUMP on board and be all for it. Instead, now I come to him with the problem I’m seeing, and then ask, “What do you think we should do?”

Now, this is not to say that we don’t go back and forth, hashing it out together. He wants to hear my opinion and ideas too. It just means that I’m now asking AND respecting his ideas, even when it’s not the way I would have gone.

But guess what? Our children are not all me. They are half him. So sometimes, the way he would approach things or explain things actually makes MORE sense to them because they are like him.

God really knew what He was doing when he put two very different people together and called them “one.” And after 17 years, I’m still learning and tweaking this “one” thing. But it’s pretty awesome to see it grow.

Maybe the best gift you can give your husband this year for Father’s Day is just to ask his opinion and really listen.

~By Anna Brink
To read more about Anna, click here.



Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • Ephesians 5:31: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
  • Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
  • Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
  • Proverbs 31:10: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9-11: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”


    Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

    • The Five Respect Needs of Men on iMom
    • 7 Quick Ways to Empower Your Husband on Happy Wives Club (This one is unique because it is written by a man. Very to good to hear it from that perspective.)

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • My Father’s Day Gift: Butting Out
  • Other #bemomstrong posts: Finding Identity in Our Maker


    Living Out the Truth

    Ideas to try:

    • Try asking your hubby where he wants to eat dinner next time you’re out, and actually go there. 😊
    • Ask your husband a question about how to solve a parenting or work-related issue. Respond with thanks, especially after you’ve tried the idea.
    • Praise your hubby in front of other people.
    • One of the sweetest sentences a person can hear is, “You know what, I think you are right about that.” Try that on your husband the next time he gives his opinion.
    • When your opinions differ, check your body language and tone. Facial expressions can say a lot. Just by the tone of your voice, you can accidentally communicate, “That is stupid.” Or, you can communicate, “That’s interesting and valid. I have another point of view though.”

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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Mom Win Wednesday: Kim Mapel

2 / 14 / 182 / 14 / 18

Courtnee

Today we are featuring Kim Mapel and since today is Valentine’s Day we asked Kim to share some Wife Wins in her life!

So Kim, tell us about yourself and your beautiful family in the photo.

Kim

I am an Organizational Psychologist by training, a homeschool mom, a small business owner, and a Bible LOVER.  This is a picture of my family.

I am a youngest child by every stretch of the imagination–I love impulsivity, action, and all things FUN!  My sweet husband doesn’t.  Sometimes he thinks he married a circus clown.  Ha!  At least my kids think that I’m fun. 😝

Courtnee

Bahahaha. How long has your husband been married to a circus clown?

Kim

Brett and I have been married for ten years, we are blessed with three children on earth.  

Halle Lu (named after Hallelujah) is seven and is a miracle child for us.  She is IN LOVE with her brothers.

Clay is thankfully not three any longer.  (Why don’t other moms prepare us for this!?)  He is becoming quick to obey and can often be heard saying “Mom, I’ll do whatever you ask me to do,” or “Mom, I just heard the voice of God.”

Graham is one and off-the-hook happy as long as he has had his naps and his snacks.  He is also our first child who only has eyes for his Daddy.

We have five beautiful heavenly babies we long to meet one day.

Courtnee

Oh Kim, that is a beautiful description of your family.  It truly will be so sweet to all be united in Jesus’ presence one day.

Do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] Mom Hat?

Kim

Besides being a mom, I CANNOT even wait to become a Grandma someday!  I serve my husband, as a wife who is learning to submit.  I humbly serve many trusted family and friends in my wellness business.  I also serve in Women’s Ministry at my local church where I have led Bible studies for seven years.  I am a passionate home educator because I think learning is SO stinking fun.  I will be a life-long learner and I pray my kids are, also.  You can often find me reading 3-5 books at a time.

Courtnee

Wow, you sound energetic! Tell me about your wellness business.

Kim

I have learned so much about healthy eating and nutrition through the years, particularly during our long season of infertility. I love helping friends work toward their best health. I share a bit of my story here.

 

Courtnee

But the business and busyness of raising children takes so much out of us as moms, how do you prioritize your husband?

Kim

I think the short answer is: I am a woman who takes God at His word. God commands me to LOVE.  My job is to obey.

Courtnee

Right. And love is a choice more than it is an emotion.

Kim

Throughout our marriage I have heard God speak to my heart: “Kim, the world will know you by YOUR love.”  My love for God and my love for people.  If I cannot love my own husband, who can I love?  Gulp.  So because God’s voice gently reminds me of my role, I seek His strength to fully love my man.

Courtnee

Even during sleepless nights when nursing a baby?

Kim

Yes. God has answered my prayers to increase my desire, to increase my energy, to help me find greater enjoyment, to help me see my husband as the blessing he is, and to keep short accounts.  Keeping short accounts of differences has led to greater enjoyment in the bedroom because my heart can be clean before him.

Courtnee

Wait, exactly how has keeping short accounts with your husband led to intimacy in the bedroom?

Kim

God has helped me speak gently and honestly about concerns I have had.  Addressing these things helps me avoid roots of bitterness.  For example, I have seen my husband behave in such a way that led me to conclude he is quick to judge.  Suddenly I find myself being resistant to loving him as he deserves, physically speaking.  

Courtnee

That’s so wise to be aware of how various factors can affect how you feel toward your husband. I once heard it said, “If you deal with conflicts one at a time, you will never build a wall.” 

So then what do you usually do next?

Kim

The Bible tells me I am supposed to go to him, explain my concerns with gentleness and win my brother back.  So I went to him.  I spoke objectively and calmly.  I said: “Babe, sometimes when I see or hear these statements it makes me think you are quick to judge others, myself included.  Then I begin to build these walls toward you because I have determined in my heart that you are hard-hearted or distant from God.  I don’t want to believe you are hard-hearted.  I want to understand where you are coming from.  I want to be for you, not against you.  Can you help me understand?”  

Courtnee

Wow, you are really giving us a glimpse into everyday life. Thanks for sharing. Give us another example of how you live this out…

Kim

For instance, one day he came in from the office and said something regarding the dinner I had chosen to prepare.  It was not loving or kind.

 

I started speaking out loud: “Kim, it’s okay, he’s not trying to offend you.  He’s entitled to his own opinions.  He loves you.  He’s your spouse; he chose you; he’s your husband for LIFE! The two of you were called by God to be together on earth, to usher each other into Jesus’ arms.  You are called to serve him, to bless him, to delight in him.  He is not your enemy.  He is your beloved.  The two of you are stronger together than apart.  Our battles are not of flesh and blood….”  

If I can soak myself in those truths, I can keep perspective.  

 

Courtnee

“Called to be together, to usher each other into Jesus’ arms…stronger together.”   That does bring things into perspective.

Kim

Yes, and when I have the right perspective, I can love him out loud.  To do that I ask God to give me a greater desire to serve him, to bless him, to communicate with him, and to satisfy all of his needs.

To satisfy all of his needs I have to know his needs.  I ask him about his needs, sometimes via text messages which usually gets both of us very giggly and filled with anticipation.  

Courtnee

Oh my goodness. Blushing. ☺

Kim

The “morning after” I send him funny “reviews” of the previous night in many code words because our oldest can read my text messages.  Aside from knowing his needs, I try to manage my day with him in mind.  I try to honor him by keeping my kids on a healthy sleep schedule.  This allows for limited drama at bedtime, it keeps them very healthy and it means more downtime for us at night.  (When they become teenagers who stay up late we may have to add a bolt to our bedroom door. 😉)

Courtnee

More blushing. But good stuff to think about!

Kim

I made a commitment to honor him and I believe saying YES to his advances are one way I can keep my commitment.  I want to be a place of victory for him.  It is a vulnerable thing for a man to seek sexual satisfaction from his wife, especially if she has rejected him in the past.  I want to acknowledge that vulnerability and let it flatter my heart.  Let’s be honest here, my physical body has carried three babies and my husband has a front row seat to all my sin, so it’s a miracle that my husband still desires to be close to me.   My mentor once told me, “Corporate America can be a cruel, selfish, competitive world, where your man is fighting for a win.  Let him find his win with you.”  

Courtnee

Wow, Kim, what good reminders this Valentine’s Day. Thank you for being so honest, vulnerable and thoughtful to share what has helped you love your man out loud!

Do you have any words of encouragement if this is a tough subject for some moms?

Kim

If there are moms out there looking for soul healing encouragements in this area, I strongly recommend the following books: Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend and Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Lehman.  

These books were pivotal in my journey in this area of my life. Boundaries taught me to communicate openly about my needs.  After getting married and having normal fears and hesitations, I can tell you this book really helped me verbalize things that I like or do not like.  It gave me peace and freedom to share openly.  Brett and I have had many vulnerable and honest conversations that have improved our bedroom time.

The investment into these books and awkward conversations has allowed our time to be mutually beneficial.  I speak to many wives who have not had the courage to have these same conversations. This has been the key to making my time very open to his needs because I know he desires to SHARE in the experience.  I know he cares about my needs, my joys, and my delight in the process as well.

Above all else, prayer.  God wants us to keep our marriages alive in this manner.  This was His design, it is not dirty or wrong.  It is an act of worship and a way for husband and wife to delight in each other.  It’s vulnerable, yes!  Within the safe confines of a trusted companion, it is beautiful.

Courtnee

Thank you for sharing such wise words with us today! May this wisdom positively influence our marriages. 💗

 

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