Sigh…. I’ve been juggling a lot lately. Don’t get me wrong, I like to be busy, but I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve dropped something pretty important: my friends.
Oh yeah! Been there, done that! Unintentionally, but it is easy to do with kids, work, sports, hubby, and all the balls we have to juggle. ⚽⚾??? The “friend ball” gets lost. ? ? ? ?
Yep! Gone with the wind! I’ve realized when I used to reach out, I’ve been working on other things I’ve committed to. I try to work friends in occasionally, but then I don’t follow through. And then I feel guilty because I’m not the “perfect friend”! And then after a while it gets easy to just not communicate. I wonder why I’m lonely?! How do I reconnect?
Yes… It’s hard to know where to begin. I start to wonder if they miss me, or need me in their lives? I realize as I’m writing these things, they seem so silly. Because my friend may be thinking the same thing, and the truth is, I DO miss them. I DO need them in my life!
I so DO!!! There’s just nothing like a good girl-friend in my life! I love being with my boys (usually… wink-wink), I love spending time with my hubby, but I NEED friends to do life with even at a chaotic play-date or a rushed coffee-hour! And it doesn’t have to be on a regular basis! Life with littles doesn’t afford that luxury like it used to!
Oh I totally struggle with that too. I’m such a “routine person” and I like things to be consistent. It’s so hard to accept it — but you’re right! It’s the stage of life that we’re in right now. It can feel isolating.
And when we are isolated by life’s circumstances, we need friends even more. We need to hold each other up and sometimes that just takes us reaching out. I’m all for a phone call, but even just a quick text to say, “How are you? I miss you!” It could really help me.
Yep It does take a little work to carve out that time to talk with a friend. But it’s so worth the effort! Even if I can’t be a perfect friend, I need to realize that it’s okay to catch up occasionally and randomly.
It is ok! And I never regret grabbing coffee with a friend, even if it is squeezed in between grocery shopping and laundry and always in the middle of nap time on a Sunday. That’s just what I can do for now!
I wish I had reached out to my friend, Jenny… I regret not doing that and think about it often..
Oh, goodness, Anna! I forgot. I bet this conversation has hit a sore spot for you. How are you feeling about losing your dear friend so unexpectedly?
It’s rough. I still can’t believe she’s gone. And even though she lived in Texas, I wish I had picked up the phone every once in awhile and called her. The reality is, now I can’t. My sister says that her gift to us is that we remember how precious friendships are, and to take the time to let our loved ones know we are thinking about them, whatever that may look like in our current season of life.
It’s amazing that such a sweet lesson blossomed out of such a sad and sudden loss. I’m sorry that you have the regret, but I hope you know that you don’t have to carry that as burden. Our God is the God of all comfort! But I hope that you feel that you can apply that lesson too. And now, I can as well. Because you’re so right. It isn’t hard to reach out in a quick text. I need to put aside guilt and awkward time gaps, and my idea of perfect friendships, and just reach out when I have a minute.
Thank you! And yes–now I tell myself, “JUST DO IT!” I think of Jenny and I just call, and I’m so glad when I do.
You know, I had a friend recently who I had been neglecting big time because of… well, it’s all excuses, but life. Anyway, she knew that I was feeling bad about not connecting and she just took it as her personal mission to do all the reaching out during this season of my life. She literally texted me everyday! She reminded me I could do the hard tasks. She just sent me little emoji high fives ??. And it was great! She could have been angry or annoyed at me for not being a good friend, but she chose not to pick up that offense and she blessed my socks off, if you know what I mean!
That’s awesome!!! I love that. What a great example of how to be a good friend.
Exactly! I think with Jenny’s gift to us in mind and my friends’ example, we have what we need to give ourselves grace to be a good (not perfect) friend! I’m ready to pick that friend ball back up and throw it in that air and try to catch it along with everything else! I won’t regret that and hopefully I can be there for someone else when they need it.
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.” (Proverbs 22:11, NIV).
- “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17a, NIV)
- “And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself… ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord.’” (1 Samuel 20:17, 42)
Music to inspire you:
- “Friends” by Michael W. Smith (because who doesn’t love good ’80’s Christian Ballad?)
Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
- “An Open Letter to My Friends Who Don’t Have Kids” by Janie Porter
- “Lonely Mommy: How Motherhood Took a Toll on my Friendships” from Shasta’s Friendship Blog (there are a lot of resources about friendship here!)
- “Friendships in Motherhood” by Mary Byers posted on Hearts at Home
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- Set aside a block of time (even just 20 minutes!) to reconnect in some way to the people you need in your life. Send a text message, write a note and send it in the mail (gasp!), or pick up the phone and just reach out. I’ve even found it helpful to use Facetime or Skype to connect with my friends when I can’t actually be with them. It’s nice to see her face (and her kids’ faces) especially if you’re “trapped” inside due to sickness or baby’s 3 nap times or whatever!
- Put a little gift in your friend’s mailbox. When we don’t have time sit down for coffee or chat for an hour on the phone, a little gesture is good too!
- Find just one friend you can pray for who will pray for you. It’s nice to know that even if you can’t meet and talk like you once could (I hopefully will be able to again in the future), you are building each other up through prayer.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.
In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}