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Tag Archives: prayer

Anxious Moms, Anxious Kids

1 / 20 / 201 / 20 / 20

glory from weakness

Virginia

Hey, Jo, I’m really struggling with my son right now. I need some advice.

Jo

Who knows if I have advice but I can probably relate, if nothing else!

Virginia

Thanks! Here goes…

Lately my son seems kinda paranoid. He’s afraid a stranger might harm him and I’m not sure how to approach it. I want to be empathetic but not create a victim mentality, ya know? Nothing specific has happened to him or our family but maybe it’s developmental? I don’t know.

Jo

It is hard to see our littles struggle, especially with an “adult” problem like anxiety. I believe in the power of suggestion.  Maybe we have to build our sons’ confidence that they are problem solvers who know how to handle emergencies. 

 

Virginia

How do you do that in your family?

Jo

I struggle with anxiety, too. So I try to be patient with my little worry monster who asks me to explain to him how the ADT security system works over and over again. Or, why there is no reason he cannot go to the bathroom across the house alone. I literally just keep explaining the same way each time, so it will definitely sink in that he is safe and we have a plan. Sometimes I am not the best model because he hears me worry a lot and my husband too. But, the point is, we are trying to also show how we cope. 

 

Virginia

I think that’s healthy. You don’t have all the answers and you’re human. That’s good modeling, in my book.

Jo

You can do the same — share with him how you feel worried sometimes too, and that it is okay because we have a plan.

Virginia

I do some of that. We just moved so we’ve had conversations about how there are different sounds in a different house and I remind myself when I hear those sounds too. #insanelyloudfurnace

I’ve prayed with him, too. 

Jo

I think you are already on the right track, Virginia! How could we go wrong with inviting prayer into the process here? It is the best anti-anxiety medicine there is (although I am not knocking my hefty prescription, which is a lifesaver too!).

Virginia

Oh, I 100% believe God created those meds. Some struggles take “more than fasting and prayer.”  I’ve been on meds before. Seeking help is brave, even if other people stigmatize it. What matters is what God thinks of us. He tells us a bunch of times to stop worrying so he must know our nature and know it’s something that’s universal.

Jo

Thank you, friend. I needed to hear that tonight. I bet our sons need to hear it too — I need to tell my son more often how wonderful God created him to be, and his worries are wonderful too.  They mean he cares.

Virginia

So do you think his behavior is normal? That’s basically where most of my parenting questions originate. Lol.

Jo

Normal is just a setting on the dryer as far as I am concerned. I work with kids, and there is just no such thing.  All we have is each other to compare notes with to see if we are generally in the same dryer drum.

Virginia

Haha, that’s true.

I think these fears – the awareness that there’s more to their worlds than our house and family and that there are other people are out there and they all don’t have good intentions – it’s probably an important milestone.

Jo

Seriously, the world IS SO SCARY! Realizing that IS a milestone for kids these days. They only know a little of all that we know, and we do want to shield their innocence while equipping them for safety.  Thankfully we know God is sovereign, but for little ones who are still exploring God, it can be even scarier. 

 

Virginia

For real. In the panic – that strange noise in the middle of the night, for example – it takes all I have to fight the racing pulse and focus on WHO is in control, and WHAT steps I can take as well. What helps you? 

Jo

 The best verse I can muster is Philippians 4:6-8 on this topic, but it really takes a conscious effort to live out in the anxious moments. Posting this in the bathroom and fridge helps — and just repeating it like a mantra has helped me. 

 

Virginia

Just googled it..the Virginia translation (mine, haha) says we should think about being grateful and focus on really good things and God will keep us calm and peaceful. Yup, that’s what I need! 

 

Jo

I need that, too!

Another strategy is to allow some worry time, just like you might allow some angry time.  That way we are showing it is okay to express the negative emotions and not bottle anything up — say, five minutes on the Alexa timer to just talk about all the fears in your mind.  When the timer goes off, we are going to spend five minutes strategizing how to deal with the fears without making anyone feel irrational. 

 

Virginia

I love that! A cut off time and then focusing on problem-solving, which builds confidence by empowering them. ?

 

Jo

Sometimes I feel like we can turn into Eeyores (Winnie the Pooh’s ultra-negative pal) if we do not make some conscious time for POSITIVE talk too. I need to make a mandatory “tell me something good” like they have on K-LOVE in the car or at bathtime. That might be another way to crowd out the worries and actually do what Paul was telling us to do in Philippians 4. 

Virginia
Contributing

Amen. God lets some evil into our world, but I believe He is using this and other things to show His glory through our weakness. So I say I have a tendency to be “paranoid” but I don’t think either of us initiated this in our kids. 

 

Contributing
Jo

I don’t think we’ll ever know the reason our kiddos are dealing with this now, or why we still do. At least we can glorify God through it as we save money for the therapy bills now. ? They are only six years old, after all. 

Sleep tight, you guys, and don’t let the worry bugs bite. You deserve to enjoy your beautiful new home.

 

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:6-9 NIV)
  • “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7 NIV)
  • “When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.” (Psalm 94:19 NIV)
  • “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27 NIV)

Music to inspire you:

  • “Help Is On the Way” by Unspoken  
  • “Defender” by Francesca Battistelli
  • “Not For a Moment (After All)” by Meredith Andrews

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • “Does Your Child Have Anxiety?” (iMom article)
  • “How to Explain Anxiety to Your Child” (printable)

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Moms in Progress: Jo Perkins 
  • What’s In Your Backpack?
  • What’s Your Challenge? 
  • Stop the Emotional Snowball

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to Try (For Kids):

  • Use abdominal breathing. Sesame Street: Common and Colbie Caillat – “Belly Breathe” with Elmo  
  • Try a weighted blanket. (Be sure to research these to get the appropriate weight, for safety sake.)
  • Daniel Tiger videos – Daniel Gets Scared 

Ideas to try: (For Adults)

  • Turn off the news and social media. We all have our limits. My favorite phone hack is putting a daily time limit on social media – I started with 30 minutes – and it will help!
  • Take a self-defense class. Empower yourself with preparation. 
  • Write down your worries in a notebook; turn them into prayers, resting them in God’s hands. 
  • Memorize Scripture and one-liners to keep your anxiety from spiralling.

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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A Time to Embrace, A Time to Refrain

10 / 29 / 1810 / 29 / 18

For me, the onset of motherhood came suddenly.
…
It was a Friday – Valentine’s Day?, actually. I sent a letter home to each of my students’ families, letting them know that the long-term sub would be stepping in after Spring Break. I started to visualize nesting, putting a nursery together, baby showers?. I took pictures of my students as they played holiday-themed party games, and chatted with parents at the Valentine’s Day celebration.  I left school that day feeling excited, optimistic, orderly✔️.
…
What I never could have expected was that I wouldn’t be returning.

***
Earlier that week, I had requested a meeting with my school principal to discuss maternity leave.

“The High-Risk doctor thinks I should stop working around 30 weeks,” I said nervously?, “but Spring Break falls around Week 32, so I’ll start my maternity leave then.” Our principal was an approachable, thoughtful, and family-first kind of guy, but my Type A mindset had me stuck in a place of not wanting to be an inconvenience to anyone – even in pregnancy.
…
His response was one that I will never forget:
“No problem,” he said, “And if you need to be done earlier than that, that’s ok too. The long-term sub will be here to step in whenever she’s needed.”

“Thank you,” I sighed, visibly relieved. “Please know that I’ll make sure sub plans are organized, and…”
“…And if they’re not,” he cut in, “then she’ll figure it out.”

Wait…really? I was blown away?.
It was exactly what I needed to hear – I just didn’t know it yet?.

***
The placental abruption happened one week later.  

There were never any sub plans.
***

To become a parent is to explore new depths of vulnerability. The first lesson I learned as a mom was perhaps the toughest:

I am not in control?.

I may keep the ship moving and direct the sails, but someone else is at the helm⚓️. To have a child is to give he or she over to God’s plan for their life, and that sure can be tough??.
…
As moms, we do everything in our power to ensure our children know, and feel, our love. We safeguard them to the best of our abilities – physically, mentally, and emotionally?? – but when it comes to really protecting them, only God can do that.
…
My husband and I were thrust into a parenting world of fragile procedures and dire statistics- one that gave us little choice but to pray, trust, and wait for what was coming next??. It was discouraging, disheartening, and, at times, infuriating?.

It was exactly what we needed?.  
…
You see, the problem with control is that it inherently lacks trust. By holding tight to the reins, we can’t leave room for a wiser, more experienced handler?.
…
Our experience taught us that relying on Him isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. This truth presents itself in so many ways – big and small – when it comes to parenting. We trust Him with the physical well-being of our children, day in and day out, and as they get older we pray that He’ll help guide their hearts while they forge a path toward independence??. We provide a foundation to the best of our abilities, then we do our best to direct them down the path that He intends ➡️ – in much the same way He guides us, His children.

***
Had my orderly little rug not been ripped right out from under me 3 ½ years ago, I don’t know that I would have ever truly understood the freedom of “letting Go, and letting God.” That’s not to say it isn’t a conscious decision we have to make as parents – over, and over, and over again – especially when the path He’s chosen for our children isn’t the one we would have chosen for them ourselves, when it’s painful, or uncertain?.
.
When Owen was 3 months old, his brain bleeds required permanent intervention to keep the cerebral spinal fluid flowing?. His Neurosurgeon– the head of the entire department at Cincinnati Children’s Hospital – performed a typical VP shunt insertion; but what is usually a 3-4 hour procedure, turned into a 9 hour surgery⏱?.  
…
They tried, over and over again, to insert an additional catheter into our little guy’s 4th ventricle at the base of his cerebellum – the greatest source of his cerebral swelling – but to no avail. Eventually, they called it, and decided the only option would be to try again when he was older. At the time, we were frustrated to hear part of the procedure had been unsuccessful, and disappointed at the prospect of another surgery down the road?.  
…
Fast forward three years, and the Neurosurgery team felt the time was right. We scheduled a shunt revision surgery, and the 4th ventricle catheter was successfully inserted – no issue??.
…
Four days later, the doctors were stumped?. Owen’s shunt system appeared to be shutting down. He was rushed back into surgery to address shunt malfunction?. When the Neurosurgeon emerged hours later, he explained that Owen’s situation was one he had never seen before, and truly couldn’t explain. They were required to rework the entire shunt system in a totally new way, and if it wasn’t successful, we would be looking at months in the hospital while they devised a new plan?.
…
But it worked – I’m not sure who was more pleasantly surprised.???
We went home three days later.
…
Ironically, enough, we did end up back at the hospital?. A risk with any major surgery is infection, and Owen developed a pretty significant one: staph?. The entire shunt system was removed, replaced, and externalized outside of his body. We spent a month in the hospital while his body was slowly flushed of the toxins?; the shunt system was reestablished.
…
Looking back, I am overwhelmed by the suffering my baby had to endure?, but I’m also blown away by God’s timing, and His evident plan??.
…
Had the 4th ventricle insertion been successful when Owen was only 3 months old, his little body could have never endured all that it did at age 3. God’s been with us every step of the way??. He’s answered our prayers, though not always in the way we might have anticipated. We’ve had to trust, and trust, and then trust some more??.
…

I’ve spent the last three years being my son’s advocate, his cheerleader, and his voice??. I’ve been convinced that God gave me more than I could handle on more than one occasion – after all, I’m Mom to two boys?‍❤️‍?, not just one. But He continues to provide, and He continues to teach me how to let go.
…
This year the boys started preschool. Owen has a 1:1 aide, and a whole host of people on his school team who love my little guy as much as I do. He’s grown in every sense of the word.
…
At our most recent therapy session, I had both boys with me. Owen was beside himself?, upset at the prospect of hard work that his physical therapist was dangling before him. Meanwhile, his brother had decided that listening to directions was optional that day?‍♀️.
We were a hot mess?‍♀️.
I left that morning with a whole host of apologies, and a fresh dose of humility?.
…
We’re not meant to have all the control, Mamas.

We’re just meant to do the best we can in the moment, and then leave the rest up to Him. I’m learning to trust that – which might just be the greatest way I can show my love and faithfulness to a God who loves me, His child, as much as I love mine?.
…
There’s beauty in embracing everything motherhood has to offer, but I hope you find that the letting go can be pretty magical too.


? Jen

 

Soaking In the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: A time to embrace, and a time to refrain” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,5b).
  • “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayers and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).
  • “Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7: 7).
  • “Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will stand” (Isaiah 14:24).
  • “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Music to inspire you:

  • Find Your Wings, by Mark Harris
  • Cinderella, by Steven Curtis Chapman
  • I Am, by Nichole Nordeman

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • Podcast- “For the Love,“ with Jen Hatmaker:
    For the Love of Parenting – Episode 02
    Parenting Through All Stages: When to Hold On & When to Let Go, with Dr. Jim Burns
  • Article-
    Entrusting Your Children to the God of the Impossible

Related posts on Texting the Truth:

  • Good Enough
  • In Changing Phases: A Time to Mourn and a Time to Dance
  • Mom Win Wednesday: Kristi Krawec

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Start small. The balance between holding on and letting go can be a very fine line. Try to pick your battles, and take advantage of “teachable moments.” Let your children learn and experience, while also knowing that you’re there to guide them.
  • Embrace a family motto. We’ve been giving it a try recently, and I’ve found personal comfort in knowing that my kids have an easy reminder of what’s most important to “carry” with them wherever they go. In our family it’s, “Do your best, and give God the rest.”
  • Try a daily devotional with your kids, or a collection of Bible stories to share at bedtime. Check out some of our favorites in the Treasured Product lists below.

Treasured products we love:

  • Music for Kids
  • DVDs for Children
  • Elementary/Tween Books
  • Parenting Books
  • Parenting Resources

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.  In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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