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Category Archives: Special Needs

Moms in Progress: Erin Durbin

2 / 11 / 202 / 12 / 20

Anna
Anna

Hey, Texting the Truth moms! You are going to love this text convo with one of the most honest, hard-working moms I have ever known, and a mom of two boys who have ADHD — Erin Durbin!

Hey, Erin! Thanks for talking with us!

Anna
Erin

Hey everyone! Thanks for asking me to write!

Anna
Anna

Tell us a little about this beautiful picture (you guys are so photogenic)! And tell us about these two handsome Durbin boys.

Anna
Erin

I am very proud of this not so perfect family. We have all learned so much about each other and ourselves throughout the years. 

Evan is 10 and Mason will be 8 in a couple of weeks. Evan is smart and mechanically inclined. Mason is my creative architect.

Anna
Anna

Hmm, smart and creative. Sounds like a certain famous hairstylist I know…?

Anna
Erin

Haha—I don’t know about famous, but yes I am a hairstylist running my own business, so I wear all the hats! Accountant, receptionist, cleaning lady and buyer. But, most importantly, my chair is my ministry and my purpose is to be a good friend, listen, and give advice if asked or needed.

Anna
Anna

As a friend and client of 14 years, I have loved talking with you while you do my hair! So many great conversations have come from that chair, I bet! You have a pretty cool job.

Anna
Erin

I really do!!! I love my job.

Anna
Anna

Okay, on to the deeper stuff. I know that you have been really challenged over the past few years when it comes to parenting and learning more about ADHD. I know, too, that there are a lot of moms out there who are experiencing similar things. Can you talk to us about what you’ve been through?

Anna
Erin

My husband and I have been on a very long journey these past few years trying to get control of bad behavior with both of our children. This has affected everything: home life, classroom settings, caregivers, and even summer camps. No one likes to see their children suffer. It became such a problem that we needed to seek medical attention. This behavior was beginning to have real life consequences that would affect our family as a whole. Long story short, our children both have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  We have seen lots of different doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists trying to find the best route to help the boys. It hasn’t been easy between insurance and finding the most capable professionals in the field, but we have finally found “our people” for now.

Anna
Anna

I’ve watched you guys fight for your boys, through all the ups and downs, all the tears and the victories. Your stamina has inspired me!

Anna
Erin

Thank you, and it’s really an ongoing journey, but I feel like the kids are finally set up for success currently. Evan has gone from C’s and D’s to A’s and B’s in just one quarter of school. He gets along much better with his peers because he is able to control his impulses. Mason is currently using an IEP and is slowly catching up to the other students in his grade.

Anna
Anna

THAT IS AWESOME!!! I know that it hasn’t been easy, but look at how far they have come!

Anna
Erin

Yes — God has been teaching me patience. I prayed for it, and He gave me ALL opportunities to be patient. Boy have I made mistakes. So many mistakes. I am a work in progress myself. God has been diligently chipping away at me to make me a better mother.

Erin

Do you have any general words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

Erin

I have been looking forward to this question.  Ever since I was asked to write for Texting the Truth, God has been handing me material. I mean bombarding me with it! Sometimes He is not so subtle. 

I’ve learned that negative self talk is so damaging to your soul. It doesn’t come from God because God is love. We as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves, and society won’t let you get away with a thing. People spout judgement, and they always seem to know exactly what you “should” have done to stop this.

However, I am not the creator of these unique individuals who are my sons. Yes, I grew them in my womb, but God knitted them to be who they were going to be. Believe it or not, God made me the perfect mother for these boys. I have been called to be their shepherd, not their Creator. I have had to come to terms with what I have control of and what I do not. We as parents make mistakes just as our parents did with us.  When our children do it, we tell them, it’s OK to make mistakes because that is how we learn. Why is it that we don’t take that same advice? Do we shame our children when they keep making the same mistakes over and over? Well, let’s be honest, sometimes I do; but I’m working on that. Does it mean I love my children any less and I’m going to give up on them? Of course not. This is the way our God the Father feels about us.

Anna
Anna

So true!

Anna
Erin

Matthew 11:28-30 says. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

You cannot control everything. When we try we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Give it to God and trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Anna
Anna

Do you have anything else you would like to add?

Anna
Erin

If you are a mother and are struggling with the symptoms of ADHD or know love or care for a child with ADHD, please watch this video. ADHD: Essential Ideas for Parents by Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the leading professionals in the field. Get yourself an education that way you don’t feel like a fish out of water at that IEP meeting. If you need support please visit www.CHADD.org for information and resources. There are groups on Facebook and even real live people in your area that can offer advice and encouragement. Become the expert on what you are working with.  

This is what I have learned from this whole journey. I am a great mom. I’m not a perfect mom, but I am a mom in progress.

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post?  Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!

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Moms in Progress: Jen Moore

11 / 19 / 1911 / 20 / 19
Processed with VSCO with ih5 preset
Virginia

Thanks for chatting with us, Jen.

This is a beautiful and precious picture! Who is this handsome little guy?

Jen

This is one of my twin boys, my sweet Owen. He’s been through a lot of health challenges in his little life, so I cherish moments like these.
At least a few times a week you can find us at either a therapy appointment or specialist follow-up. I’m blessed that I can be fully present for all of his day-to-day care, though it certainly challenges me as well.

Virginia

It’s great that you can be there for him. Would you tell us what you’ve been learning through those challenges?

Jen

Lately, I’ve been reminded that perspective shapes everything. There are certainly days when I feel the frustration creep in and I’m running on fumes. Sometimes the last thing I want to do is go to another appointment, or I long to go back to the professional world with my former colleagues.

I’m learning not to push those feelings away when they pop up, but acknowledge what I’m experiencing, grow from it, and then look for the positive. Moreover, I’m learning to look for the lesson: What is it that God is trying to teach me?

Virginia

That’s a good way to handle those feelings – not dwell on them as much as find a reason for them. So how you apply that to your life?

Jen

Well, for example, our son’s combination of medical needs makes it so that I’m not able to work outside of the home right now. In a couple of years, my boys will be in all-day school and I’ll have the capacity to work or volunteer – to figure out what’s next. Some days that feels only a heartbeat away; other days it feels like an eternity. I’ve learned that I can either dwell in a place of sadness for the career I loved and lost, or I can praise God for allowing me the opportunity to be my child’s primary caregiver and number one cheerleader. I can thank Him for the thousands of ways my former teaching days have helped me navigate the special education process as a parent with confidence, or how it’s helped me address unique sensory challenges with creativity and craftsmanship.

Virginia

I love that you’re using your professional experience to help you with parenting. Talk about skills that translate! It’s reassuring to hear that God really does prepare us for the next big things in life. It is hard, though, to long for a life we no longer have. I bet many of our readers can relate to that.

Jen

Sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in my current situation and the rest of the world is moving on without me…and maybe that’s the point. Perhaps He’s teaching me to shift my perspective and where I place value, helping me to grow in patience, and find comfort in the waiting.

I was reading a blog post written by “Proverbs 31 Ministries” this morning, and author Chrystal Evans said this: “In a day when so many people are searching for significance and great purpose, perhaps the simplicity of Jesus’ instructions has been lost to us. There’s value in your ministry at home – whatever home is to you in this season.”

Virginia

I love that! …I can relate to that. Sometimes it’s hard to see past our mundane tasks but they’re not mundane to God. What does your new perspective look like now?

Jen

I find myself in this unique position. Our situation has forced me to take a step back personally and professionally – whether I wanted to or not. Caring for my twin boys and being their mom is the most incredible privilege. Our circumstances have allowed me the opportunity to meet people and experience things I would have never otherwise: I’ve grown in self-confidence as an advocate and knowledgeable caregiver for my child. I’ve had the privilege of meeting other families who navigate incredible medical journeys with grace and unequivocal strength each and every day. I’ve witnessed, time and time again, the passion, heart, and endless knowledge medical professionals and therapists bring to the table, and we’ve been fortunate to have a village behind us who now feel like an extension of our family. I’ve unearthed passions that had slowly been smothered by old priorities, and I’ve fallen into new passions for helping others that I might have never discovered otherwise.

I want to keep my heart open to where God is leading, but sometimes it feels like He’s given me too many passions! I’m feeling inspired by so much right now, but family life in this moment takes all of me. Living in the “grey area” can be scary and overwhelming, but it’s also exhilarating and, I know, ultimately purposeful when it comes to His plan for what comes next.

Virginia

How cool that you can look through the difficulties and see that wisdom.

So where do you go from here?

Jen

We just found out a couple of months ago that Owen needs bilateral hip correction surgery this February, which means 6 weeks of recovery in a full lower-body hip/leg brace. For a while, I struggled with the worry of what those 6 weeks would look like, and I felt all of the sadness. But as I’ve had time to reflect over these past 2 months, I’ve also been able to find the positives: we caught the problem early, thanks to constant monitoring and an incredible medical team. The surgery will, ultimately, improve his quality of life. And I’m reminded again that right here, right now, this is where I’m meant to be. I’ll wait, Lord. I’ll wait.

Virginia

Waiting is hard but the Lord makes it worth it.

Do you have any other advice for our readers out there?

Jen

Everyone is struggling with something. Problems both big and small come to us in waves. When we start to get swept off our feet, our first inclination is typically to turn inward and close out the rest of the world.
Don’t.

Look outward, look to others. How can you help? His plan is so much bigger than you or I. Connect with the people He brings into your life.

Keep perspective. You’ll almost always find a positive.

Trust, and be patient in the “grey areas” of your life. This season of motherhood you’re in? It’s chock-full of humility, grace, and lessons. Your worth is not attached to a title, profession, or the current chaos level in your household.

Do you keep showing up, Mama?

Then your “significance” and “greatness” in His eyes is already assured. You just need to see it, and believe in it, for yourself. ??

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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