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Tag Archives: anger

“Mom-sters” Hungry for Peace and Laughter

10 / 29 / 21

Janelle

Jo! Can you believe we’re already coming to the end of 2021? It seems like 2020, quarantine, pandemic, everyone-at-home-all-the-time craziness was just yesterday! How is it that the holidays are just around the corner again!?

Jo

It feels long and short all at once, doesn’t it, Janelle? I am struggling coming out of that mindset of crisis mode.

Janelle

I can understand that. Is there anything you’ve held onto from that wild time?

Jo

One truth stands out to me— I cannot really control much in this world, so I have to hang onto my family with all I’ve got.

Janelle

Isn’t that the truth? We learned so much about ourselves and each other during quarantine. The (long) days together definitely created some tension in our family. Slowing down and not running from thing to thing also forced us to work through our conflicts.

Jo

What were some of the big conflicts you had during the lockdown?

Janelle

Sibling rivalry was a big one for us. You know, just being together 24/7 breeds conflict. ? We often found ourselves sitting on the floor, talking about how we could’ve handled a situation differently and offering each other forgiveness. How about you?

Jo

Ours was having to navigate the constant change in schedule for our son. Thankfully, the down time was good to get back to enjoying the little things together.  

Janelle

There were challenges and blessings both! I know I struggled with my anger (mainly from being overwhelmed with EVERYONE and everything being out of control). My anger was staring me in the face and I had nowhere to go.

Jo

Yes, the frustration was so clear everywhere, and we could not just run from each other. And yet there were good things woven into all the upheaval. What does that teach us about God?

Janelle

It reminds me to look for His blessings. Seeing His goodness in the midst of chaos keeps hope alive.

Jo

For me, it was seeing how God designed us to let go and laugh… to have that pressure release.  ?

Janelle

I love that! “A merry heart does good like medicine,” right? Have a good laugh that makes tears run down your cheeks every now and then!

Jo

I needed that reminder, because I am getting caught up in the swirl of changes again this time of year. I’m an introvert, so I am not liking the calendar filling back up… I’m getting overwhelmed with all the “things.”

Janelle

Yes!! I was actually excited about things getting cancelled! Did you see the memes that said, “Introverts unite! Cancel everything!” ?

Jo

Yes! I am so down with staying home. So what can I do when my calendar feels out of control?  

Janelle

I have to be purposeful in planning my days. I find myself filling my calendar too, often with good things. But taking the time to slow down and work through conflict like we did during lockdown is a skill I’d like to carry into our new normal. How about you?

Jo

The busy-ness takes away my down time to reflect and rest.  All of that margin time matters. Without it, I am quite snippy. 

Janelle

You’re right. And without purposeful rest and reflection, frustration and anger still find their way into my days. If I don’t stop and deal with it, it can snowball into a real monster.

Jo

Like when I sometimes treat strangers nicer than my own people? ?

Janelle

Guilty. I have also found myself snarling at my husband and kids then walking into work and being the most complimentary, encouraging person in the room! 

Jo

How can we get better at this?… I feel like I can become a mom-ster at a moment’s notice.

Janelle

Right?! I heard it described recently as the “moment of impact.” Will I respond in anger or with grace? How do I choose to respond well at the “moment of impact”? And not turn into a “mom-ster”? ?

Jo

I usually try to take a deep breath. Cliche, but cliche for a reason. 

Janelle

Exactly. Because it’s helpful. When I’m really feeling my blood begin to boil, that’s when I ought to stop and take a deep breath, and THINK. Think before I speak… really profound, right? ? And ask God for the words to say.

Jo

And also, most trivial conflicts can be helped with a little candy, food, or drink. I learned that during the pandemic too. ?

Janelle

Ha! Yummy things do solve a lot of problems! (Imagining those fresh-from-the-oven chocolate chip cookies now… we made way too many during quarantine!) ?

Jo

Well, as we enter the holiday season, maybe we can be reminded of how Jesus rested. He laughed. And He ate! All of those gifts of life are so crucial to being our best selves. Lord, help us get back to those basics.

Janelle

And heaven help us if we have to experience another quarantine to remind us of those truths! ?

Soaking in the Truth 

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.  Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:9-13, NIV)
  • Jesus Rests (Mark 4:35 before he calms the storm, Mark 6 before he feeds the five thousand, NIV)
  • “Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in him!” (Psalm 34:8, NLT)

Music to inspire you:

  • “Old Church Choir” by Zach Williams 
  • “Always Remember to Never Forget” by Christy Nockels 
  • “Selah” by Lauryn Hill   

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to try:

  • Ask Alexa or Siri to tell you a joke sometime! 
  • Take dinner to a new table and enjoy it together in an unfamiliar place – even if that is a picnic on the living room floor or around the coffee table. Sometimes the change of scenery keeps the conversation fresh. 
  • Get outside with your family for a short walk or to play outside together. 

Resources to come alongside you:

  • Laughing with the movie “Yes Day”
  • Recipes from Disney movies, anyone? Anna did this recently, and it made for a fun weekend: Recipes to Re-Create Dishes From Disney Movies at Home 
  • Resting takes deliberate planning and advocating for yourself, Mama. Nine Easy Ways Mom Can Relax 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.  In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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A Season of Mending

11 / 12 / 1811 / 12 / 18

Anna
Anna

Once again I have failed at getting nominated for the Mother of the Year award! I yelled at my son… And of course, now the kids are in bed and I feel horrible.

Anna
Virginia

Oh boy, I feel like I am finally recovering from a whole season of that junk!

Anna
Anna

Ahh, recovery is possible?!? Got any tips on turning things around?

Anna
Virginia

Yes, recovery is possible, but it is not instantaneous. You know I had not noticed but it had building for a long time. I called my mom one day and she made a comment about my son’s behavior and it stuck with me. It really had gotten bad. My son and I had been screaming at each other daily for several months, but I had just taken it to be typical 5-year-old behavior and blaming him for our bad days.

Anna
Anna

Easy to do. And sometimes hard to know what’s “typical” or a phase, and what’s not. Did your mom’s comment make you feel defensive?

Anna
Virginia

Actually, no. I knew my mom was saying it out of love and concern for both of us. I didn’t take at as an attack on my parenting style, though I would have had it been a stranger’s comment. She even suggested we get outside help. That part of her comment actually threw me into a panic. Although I was okay with seeing counselors for my own problems, when something happened with my child, it was heartbreaking.

Anna
Anna

I totally get that. It seems more intense somehow, when it’s related to one of your kids. So did you see the counselor? Did it help?

Anna
Virginia

Yes, and it helped immensely! I’m laughing because, as is often the case, people come to counseling telling the therapist: “X person is the problem. Help me change X.” All good counselors respond to that demand with: “Okay. Let’s talk about you a little bit first.”

Anna
Anna

Ugh. The big turn-around! And like the log in your own eye, kind of thing. That’s hard work.

Anna
Virginia

Yes! They always have that magic way of helping you realize what to do on your own and not focusing on the other person. It is a little like magic. When you change your own behavior, things usually do change.

Anna
Anna

Amazing, but so true. It’s just like turning a huge ship around! So did the counselor give you any practical strategies to use with your son?

Anna
Virginia

We talked about parenting strategies and self care. I am using a chore chart for his morning routine and have cut down on the amount of television we watch each day. I’m also learning to manage my own stress and self care is a huge part of that.

Anna
Anna

Good stuff… Tell me more about the stress management and the self care. What do you do now that you didn’t before?

Anna
Virginia

I wasn’t taking care of myself and the stress was accumulating. It has to go somewhere and that somewhere was, sadly, my precious boy’s heart. So now I make it a priority to take a walk by myself, eat well, and listen to music.

Anna
Anna

It really does accumulate. For me, I usually don’t even know it’s building up until it’s too late and I’ve let it explode out of me.

Anna
Virginia

Same here! There is no prize at the end for forsaking one’s own mind and body.

Anna
Anna

There’s not??? Oh bummer. I might have a shot at that award (unlike the MOTY one, ha).

Anna
Virginia

But God doesn’t ask us to!

Anna
Anna

Ahhh. You are so right. Sometimes I actually stop and ask myself, “What is God asking me to do here?” And it’s never to be a martyr. It’s not to drive myself into the ground so that I can live up to the expectations portrayed in the movies and TV and even well-meaning strangers’ suggestions.

Anna
Virginia

Unfortunately believing that lie was what got me into my mess. I was striving to the point of fatigue and frustration to be the “perfect mom.” There are no perfect moms. Ironically, I was working so hard that I was neglecting my own child. So I now see that not taking care of myself hinders me from taking care of others. It’s not me above them; it’s me and them. Moms don’t have to choose.

Anna
Anna

Yes!! We’ve got to tear down that lie in our minds and hearts. It’s like a giant facade that we have to demolish. How did you fight this lie?

Anna
Virginia

I am focusing on how God sees me. God does not condemn me. He’s not waiting to punish me; He is waiting for me to come to Him for comfort when I make a mistake.

Anna
Anna

I just love reading those sentences. I could read them over and over!

Anna
Virginia

I need them tattooed on my forehead, for real! Lol. God’s Word is like a new white tee shirt. You put it next to your old white tees and they seem dingy in comparison. We need that crispness of God’s truth to stand next to the lies that lead us astray.

Anna
Anna

Me too. And I love that image. It’s so true.

Anna
Virginia

Yes! That’s really the key. First we ditch the lie that we have to be perfect. Once I was secure in God’s love for me, I could take care of myself — and then I was able to have the emotional, mental and physical energy to devote to repairing the relationship with my son.

Anna
Anna

Wow, amazing how that security leads to the mending of your relationship. So everything is healed?

Anna
Virginia

Haha, for the most part. We have certainly come out on the other side of that season but relationship building is a lifelong process. Every day I need to find moments to take care of myself and connect with my son. At the end of the day, I reconnect with God and what He thinks of me and that helps me start again the next day.  

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time and for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun; a time to tear and a time to mend,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6a).
  • “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1).
  • “Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God,” (Romans 15:7).
  • “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery,” (Galatians 5:1).

Music to Inspire you:

  • “Known” by Tauren Wells
  • “More Than You Think I Am” by Danny Gokey
  • “He Knows My Name” by Francesca Battistelli
  • “I Get To Be the One” by JJ Heller

Readings and Resources to come alongside you:

  • She’s Gonna Blow! by Julie Ann Barnhill
  • Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel
  • Podcast: Don’t Mom Alone

Related posts on Texting the Truth:

  • Redeeming Angry Moments
  • Searching for What to Keep
  • Beautiful in His Time: A New Season

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Anger is often described as a secondary emotion. Ask yourself, “What is underneath this anger? Is it loneliness, anxiety, hurt, need, or something else?”
  • Write anger management statements on index cards such as “I am only responsible for my behavior.”
  • Find an outlet for your frustration and stress. Do you enjoy listening to music or a podcast? Can you do that while you wash dishes or prepare dinner? Would you enjoy a family walk around the block after dinner, or ask for an hour of alone time on a Saturday morning?

Treasured Products we love:

  • A Stress-Relieving Essential Oil Roller Blend, like doTERRA’s Calm Mama (my fav), or this one on Amazon: Chill
  • EO Bubble Bath

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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