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Tag Archives: surrender

Boundaries: 2020 Edition

10 / 14 / 2010 / 14 / 20

Anna
Anna

Help!!! Can you talk? 

Anna
Virginia

Yes! What’s wrong?

Anna
Anna

Everything feels like a huge mess.

Anna
Virginia

Awww. I feel you! It’s such a weird time.

Anna
Anna

I’m so overwhelmed. I feel like I’m in a game of elementary school Dodge Ball and I can’t get out of the way fast enough. I keep getting hit and I just want the game to end already. I thought after 6 weeks of the kids being in school that this stressful feeling would be gone.

Anna
Virginia

Same, girl, same! Yeah, it sounds like more than just everyday stress.

Anna
Anna

Right. And I think in an effort to feel better, or “normal,” I’ve been looking to the wrong things for comfort (ahem, one more sweet coffee drink, please?)… but it never really fixes this feeling. ?

Anna
Virginia

Me too… I’ve so been there! I’ve eaten soo many Hershey Kisses…?so many metallic wrappers….and you’re right, it wasn’t enough. I think the issue is that we’re seeking information, which isn’t bad, but we’re absorbing it all, whether that’s the news or social media or our friends’ and families’ advice. I need walls to keep all that stuff from coming in and affecting me. Boundaries, basically. 

Anna
Anna

Hmm, that makes sense… letting too much in. I feel like I’m constantly being hit with all of the divisive issues right now, pressure to take sides, and disturbing information that I may or may not be able to trust — it’s there around every corner. 

Anna
Virginia

Yeah, exactly. There’s no resting place. I was finding that I was getting really restless, losing sleep, not feeling productive or connected to people, or God even. I was letting the world’s anxiety affect my inner peace. 

Anna
Anna

The world’s anxiety! ? That’s what I’ve been doing. And add to it our everyday “normal” problems, that are still there! Hmm… Remember that children’s song, “Be Careful Little Eyes, What You See?” ? Maybe we actually could start being careful about what we see and hear.

Anna
Virginia

I know that one. Kids’ songs offer the most wisdom.? But seriously — I think it’s true! I’m trying to notice what threatens my peace. I need to stop looking at and taking it ALL in.

Anna
Anna

Yes! And as we start to put some boundaries up for ourselves, we can trust God will help us find the peace we’re looking for. 

Anna
Virginia

Right. We can’t fix the world but we can put up some shields so we’re not constantly hit with all of the “dodgeballs” of life.

Scripture to Encourage You:

  • “But, Lord, you are my shield, my wonderful God who gives me courage.” (Psalm 3:3 NCV)
  • “Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.” (Proverbs 30:5 NIV)
  • “For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds success in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.” (Proverbs 2:-6-8 NIV)
  • “My son, do not let wisdom and understanding out of your sight, preserve sound judgement and discretion; they will be life for you, an ornament to grace your neck.” (Proverbs 3:21 NIV)
  • “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23 NIV)

Reading and Resources to Come Alongside You:

  • “5 Ways to Find Peace When the Stress Just Keeps Coming” by Anna Brink
  • “5 Prayers for the Overwhelmed Mom” by Theresa Ceniccola
  • “Don’t Read Articles Like This” by Jon Acuff

Music to Inspire You:

  • “Glory” by Meredith Andrews
  • “The Space Between Us” by Shawn McDonald
  • “Hurry Up and Wait” by MercyMe
  • “O Be Careful, Little Eyes” by Cedarmont Kids

Ideas to Try:

  • Pre-arrange a calming activity if you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t sleep instead of staring at your phone. I (Virginia) recommend “Meditation Minis” — a podcast that offers directed meditations lasting about 10 minutes. 
  • Examine your nighttime routine. Find and replace a depleting activity (reading negative comments on social media) and replace it with an encouraging activity (regularly checking in on textingthetruth.com) or the fun of a DIY pedicure.
  • Examine your morning routine: What can you prepare the night before to reduce your stress? What can you delegate? I (Virginia) have my son make his own lunch; it has been glorious. 
  • On the subject of time management, another piece of advice I’m implementing is from “The Lazy Genius” Podcast. The principle is to examine your day. What tasks can you only do when you’re alone? What tasks can you do while the kids are home? For example, I can’t do focused writing when my kids are home. I can, however, do the dishes while they watch TV. Sometimes my kids and I spend time outside on the driveway: they ride their bikes and I fold the laundry. This principle reduces stress for me because it helps me prioritize my tasks throughout my day. 
  • Delete or rein in those time wasters on your phone – set up a designated time limit. You won’t regret it. 
  • Make time for your passions. What is calming to you? Reading, writing, listening to music and decluttering are things that I enjoy doing. This is not self-care talk. This is “essential to feed your soul and get out of your own head” stuff. 

*Note: The Texting the Truth team is all about grace for moms. No one expects you to do more or be more. More importantly, God does not expect you to try harder. He is readily available with the wisdom, grace and peace that you need. We’re here to offer practical suggestions. Use what works for you and leave the rest. 

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Moms in Progress: Erin Durbin

2 / 11 / 202 / 12 / 20

Anna
Anna

Hey, Texting the Truth moms! You are going to love this text convo with one of the most honest, hard-working moms I have ever known, and a mom of two boys who have ADHD — Erin Durbin!

Hey, Erin! Thanks for talking with us!

Anna
Erin

Hey everyone! Thanks for asking me to write!

Anna
Anna

Tell us a little about this beautiful picture (you guys are so photogenic)! And tell us about these two handsome Durbin boys.

Anna
Erin

I am very proud of this not so perfect family. We have all learned so much about each other and ourselves throughout the years. 

Evan is 10 and Mason will be 8 in a couple of weeks. Evan is smart and mechanically inclined. Mason is my creative architect.

Anna
Anna

Hmm, smart and creative. Sounds like a certain famous hairstylist I know…?

Anna
Erin

Haha—I don’t know about famous, but yes I am a hairstylist running my own business, so I wear all the hats! Accountant, receptionist, cleaning lady and buyer. But, most importantly, my chair is my ministry and my purpose is to be a good friend, listen, and give advice if asked or needed.

Anna
Anna

As a friend and client of 14 years, I have loved talking with you while you do my hair! So many great conversations have come from that chair, I bet! You have a pretty cool job.

Anna
Erin

I really do!!! I love my job.

Anna
Anna

Okay, on to the deeper stuff. I know that you have been really challenged over the past few years when it comes to parenting and learning more about ADHD. I know, too, that there are a lot of moms out there who are experiencing similar things. Can you talk to us about what you’ve been through?

Anna
Erin

My husband and I have been on a very long journey these past few years trying to get control of bad behavior with both of our children. This has affected everything: home life, classroom settings, caregivers, and even summer camps. No one likes to see their children suffer. It became such a problem that we needed to seek medical attention. This behavior was beginning to have real life consequences that would affect our family as a whole. Long story short, our children both have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).  We have seen lots of different doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists trying to find the best route to help the boys. It hasn’t been easy between insurance and finding the most capable professionals in the field, but we have finally found “our people” for now.

Anna
Anna

I’ve watched you guys fight for your boys, through all the ups and downs, all the tears and the victories. Your stamina has inspired me!

Anna
Erin

Thank you, and it’s really an ongoing journey, but I feel like the kids are finally set up for success currently. Evan has gone from C’s and D’s to A’s and B’s in just one quarter of school. He gets along much better with his peers because he is able to control his impulses. Mason is currently using an IEP and is slowly catching up to the other students in his grade.

Anna
Anna

THAT IS AWESOME!!! I know that it hasn’t been easy, but look at how far they have come!

Anna
Erin

Yes — God has been teaching me patience. I prayed for it, and He gave me ALL opportunities to be patient. Boy have I made mistakes. So many mistakes. I am a work in progress myself. God has been diligently chipping away at me to make me a better mother.

Erin

Do you have any general words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

Erin

I have been looking forward to this question.  Ever since I was asked to write for Texting the Truth, God has been handing me material. I mean bombarding me with it! Sometimes He is not so subtle. 

I’ve learned that negative self talk is so damaging to your soul. It doesn’t come from God because God is love. We as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves, and society won’t let you get away with a thing. People spout judgement, and they always seem to know exactly what you “should” have done to stop this.

However, I am not the creator of these unique individuals who are my sons. Yes, I grew them in my womb, but God knitted them to be who they were going to be. Believe it or not, God made me the perfect mother for these boys. I have been called to be their shepherd, not their Creator. I have had to come to terms with what I have control of and what I do not. We as parents make mistakes just as our parents did with us.  When our children do it, we tell them, it’s OK to make mistakes because that is how we learn. Why is it that we don’t take that same advice? Do we shame our children when they keep making the same mistakes over and over? Well, let’s be honest, sometimes I do; but I’m working on that. Does it mean I love my children any less and I’m going to give up on them? Of course not. This is the way our God the Father feels about us.

Anna
Anna

So true!

Anna
Erin

Matthew 11:28-30 says. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

You cannot control everything. When we try we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Give it to God and trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Anna
Anna

Do you have anything else you would like to add?

Anna
Erin

If you are a mother and are struggling with the symptoms of ADHD or know love or care for a child with ADHD, please watch this video. ADHD: Essential Ideas for Parents by Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the leading professionals in the field. Get yourself an education that way you don’t feel like a fish out of water at that IEP meeting. If you need support please visit www.CHADD.org for information and resources. There are groups on Facebook and even real live people in your area that can offer advice and encouragement. Become the expert on what you are working with.  

This is what I have learned from this whole journey. I am a great mom. I’m not a perfect mom, but I am a mom in progress.

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post?  Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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