Good Enough | Texting the Truth

Laura

If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked me what sports my kids do, I’d be able to fund one of them for an entire season of select soccer.

Anna

I know, right?!?

Laura

Not that my oldest is good enough or wants to play on any sort of select team! I mean his first season of rec soccer was… how do I say this… sad? There was a big 0 in the win column!

Anna

Oh man…. Well, it happens sometimes!

Laura

But he did have fun! And that’s what matters, right?! But I haven’t even started my almost 5-year-olds in a sport yet, and I think some people think I’m doing my children a huge disservice!?! Sigh… am I?

Anna

I don’t know… I mean, why all the pressure to have kids excel at a sport by age 8? I mean, I get it. We want them to be able to keep up later and build on their skills, but aren’t there more important things?

Laura

You mean like having fun together as a family or saving those nickels for college (or groceries… just saying… four boys can eat a lot)?

Anna

Ha–I can only imagine! And like having down time, and time to do chores, and help Mom cook dinner, and help Dad fix the car. I mean, those are skills too, but we never have time to do those things.

Laura

Exactly! There’s so many things we want to teach our kids. And back to the pressures thing…there are so many pressures on them at school with tests and everything else! And then we as parents seem to expect them to be perfect little athletes too?

Anna

I think we do, unintentionally. We want them to be shining stars at all they do.

Laura

Because if my kids are good at things, then in theory, other kids will like them and then their life will be happier and easier! Right? And, let’s not lie, when our kids are doing well, we look great as parents too!

Anna

Right. I mean parents have good intentions. We just want our kids to be successful. But how are we measuring that success? I wonder sometimes if we get out the wrong measuring stick.

Laura

Good point. I think I’m very guilty of putting pressure on my kids to behave a certain way. It’s sort of the same thing. There is a much better way to determine who these little ones are than successes and outward appearances!

Anna

I’m also guilty of it! I care way too much sometimes what people think! And that my kids are measuring up or doing the same things as other kids. I never thought I would do that as a parent.

Laura

Me either. I don’t know how we got here, but you know what? We don’t have stay here!

Anna

That’s a relief. So how do we help our kids grow up with a different understanding about who they are? #thetruthaboutgrowingup

Laura

I think we start with the simple truth about who we are, right? We are beloved creation of the Most High God. And it’s the same for my kids! Because I just want my kids to know they are loved for who they are and not what they do. I’ve been down that road personally, of trying to do something to be loved. It didn’t lead anywhere good.

Anna

Me too. And you can succeed for a minute, but it never ends up being enough. And people or circumstances can take away your success. And then what? You’re left wondering who you are. I want my kids to know that who they are, the value they have, that’s not something that anyone can take away from them.

Laura

They are gifted in just the way God wants them to be gifted. And those gifts might make them good at something. And they might even be on a select team someday. Or maybe play the lead in our favorite musical! ? But all the successes or failures do not equal their worth.

Anna

Yes–1,000 times yes. And as a mom, I want to be secure enough and brave enough to let my children grow at their own pace, with their unique interests, and be whoever God has designed them to be. Not who I picture them to be. Or who my friends’ kids are. But I want to watch with faith as they grow up.

Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:

“The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV)
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” (Jeremiah 1:5, NIV)
“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. Bet we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” (1 John 3:1-2, NIV)

Music to inspire you:

“He Knows My Name” by Francesca Battistelli
“Every Bit of Lovely” by Jamie Grace

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
We have to be secure in who we are before we can teach our kids to be the same way. I love this article: “Be Who God Created You to Be” by Shauna Neiquist
Read more about “How to Help Your Youth Find Their Identity in Christ” from Ministry Today.
Four things to teach our kids about their identity and value:
God created them on purpose in His image.
God’s love does not fail, nor does it change towards them.
God genuinely cares about the details of their lives.
God created them with a purpose.

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:
Decluttering Our Spiritual Closets
Hanging Up Our Measuring Sticks

Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- When failures come–a bad grade, a missed soccer goal, not making the musical, a call from the teacher–in the end, reassure him/her of who he/she is in God, His love, and that they are a beautiful creation.
- I try not to compare one child to another, or one sibling with another one.
- When they start to compare themselves, or get down on themselves, I say something like, “Good for them, but YOU are a whole different person. There’s only one of you, and you are amazing.”
- I try to let my kids know what I love about them aside from their activities. I love that they are kind or caring toward each other or toward their friends. I love that when they are excited about something they jump up and down. Whatever it is. I try to tell them at night before they go to bed something that I love about their character, their personality, or maybe something they did because of that trait that they have.
- I have signs posted on their bedroom doors that say, “We love [name] because he is [name].”
- When suffering consequences as toddlers, my boys always asked me if I still loved them. I was shocked by this question when my oldest asked it, but wasn’t as caught off guard when the twin started asking it. I’m sure the little guy will wonder the same thing. At first my answer was, of course I do, but….. However I’ve tried to change my words. There isn’t really a but there. And there isn’t a but in how God feels about me or my kids when we have gone wrong. Or when we have done something well there isn’t I love you because you did well. I try to phrase it differently. You made a mistake and the consequences are hard to suffer, but I’m here for you because I love you. Or great job playing basketball out there! You really gave it your all! And if you didn’t, I’d still love you!
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

When we were working on our “Simple Christmas” theme as a blog team, Laura journaled this definition of simplicity, and it seems like the best jumping off place to transition from the time of Christmas to New Year’s resolutions: “Part of the dictionary definition of simplicity is to be humble and unpretentious. Part of making room for humility and doing away with pretense is letting go of ourselves and putting others first. Some people call that ‘dying to self.’”

If you have followed along with us this past month with #simpleChristmas, I hope you have felt a little more unpretentious and humble, in the best sense of the words. When we say humility involves putting others first, it never means playing the martyr. I have made this mistake more times than I can count.

To me, authentic humility comes from dissolving our resolve to “be right and the best” in our own eyes or even the eyes of others. Walking in true humility appears throughout the Bible, actually. Some of the verses about humility have become cliche, so I will share them below as a place for us to think about them with a fresh perspective.

“God opposes the proud but gives grace and favor to the humble” (James 4:6 / 1 Peter 5:5, NIV).
“He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8, NIV).

Rick Warren’s words ring true: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less.” I am so quick to put myself down rather than operate from an attitude of service when I feel stressed or overwhelmed. That’s not the way God sees me or wants me to act, especially as a mother. So, my question as I prepare for 2019 is simple, yet it is easier said than done: What if this year we dissolve our resolve?

What if we choose to seek only God’s approval, not our own approval or that of others? What if we stripped away the unnecessary layers surrounding our identities?

Here are some of the untrue layers I’ve added to my identity:

I’ll be good enough and worthy when I lose the weight.
I’ll be a better mom when I can keep the house clean.
I’ll be a good wife if I cook homemade seven nights a week.
I’ll be the best friend if I never miss an occasion or invitation.
I’ll be a good Christian when we are early and freshly pressed every Sunday, serving, and connected to multiple small groups.
I’m a good citizen if we volunteer regularly.

Those are all totally realistic. Let’s toast! ?

Not! All of these are my so-called standards of living and my measuring stick, my resolve. When I operate from this ambitious frame of mind, I always end up tired and defeated. Always. Read that again. I am trying to save you some pain. You know why I think it all causes pain? Because those typical resolutions operate out of IFs and WHENs. They are based on conditional acceptance, not unconditional love.

The truth is, Jesus came so we could dissolve our resolve. He came as a baby to humbly serve and experience every human emotion. He died and rose again so He could fulfill the name Emmanuel — God with us. When I refocus my goals to be centered with God, I always feel victorious, even without making it to a certain place on my metaphorical measuring stick or conquering some tall order we have taken upon ourselves we could not possibly conquer alone. When I invite God into my plans, my resolve dissolves into His ways, which are always better than mine (Isaiah 55:9).

So, what does it look like to dissolve the resolve in real life? Here are some rewritten resolutions based on the Bible’s standards of living, not my own.

“Dissolved” Simple Relationship Resolutions:

My relationship with my body is to listen and pay attention to it, not shame it or ignore it; in all I eat, drink, or do, I will glorify God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
My relationship with motherhood is to love my child(ren) unconditionally and serve faithfully, not perfectly, as I build my home (Proverbs 14:1).
My relationship with my husband is based on unconditional love, not striving or working for approval (1 Corinthians 13:5).
My relationships with my friends are to be equal and edifying, as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
My relationship with God and my church is to worship and be a good steward of my resources, sharing the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).
My relationship with my community is to be salt and light; nothing more, nothing less (Matthew 5:13-16).

New Year’s Prayers:

I pray as just as we leaned in for our New Year’s kisses, we take time to remember how blessed we are for these humans in our lives and see them as pure gifts from God, not sources of stress or crushing responsibilities. When relationships do not look the way they “should,” I pray we find grace to forgive ourselves and those around us.

For all the single moms out there, my prayer is for you to especially be filled with the peace that passes understanding (Philippians 4:7). Overall, I pray for a renewed sense of simple purpose in every relationship we have in our lives: family, children, friends, coworkers, neighbors, strangers, everyone: to reflect God’s love (Mark 12:30-31)!

Mamas, my prayer as we usher in 2019 is for us to simply focus on humility and letting go of any pretense in our relationships. May we dissolve our resolve in the coming year; may we trade it in for a more humble pace of life centered on the unforced rhythms of grace (Matthew 11:28-30).

?Written by Jo Perkins

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:9, NIV).
“A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1, NLT).
“Love the Lord your God with all your mind and soul and love your neighbor as yourself ” (Mark 12:30-31, NIV).
“And don’t be called ‘Master,’ for only one is your master, even the Messiah. The more lowly your service to others, the greater you are. To be the greatest, be a servant. But those who think themselves great shall be disappointed and humbled; and those who humble themselves shall be exalted” (Matthew 23:10-12, TLB).
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God something to be grasped but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Philippians 2:3-8).

Music to inspire you:

“Known” by Tauren Wells
“Look Up, Child” by Lauren Daigle
“Humble Me” by Norah Jones

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

Dayspring’s One Word for 2019 Quiz
Jennie Allen’s Dream Guide for the New Year (2019 Link)
24 Verses on Humility from Bible Study Tools
If you have no idea where to start with devotions, getting a daily email or bookmarking your favorite site can be a great place to start. Here are some I have used to jumpstart my quiet times:
- Bookmark textingthetruth.com and also subscribe, of course!
- Experiencing God Day by Day (Blackaby Ministries) has a daily devotional on their website or a flip calendar you can purchase. You just bookmark the page and scroll halfway down to see them for free.
- In the actual Bible app, you can sign up for Devotional Plans! This is one I am working through called Sacred Holidays: New Year’s.