Hanging Up Our Measuring Sticks

Michelle
Michelle

The other day I decided to go a little early to Sophie’s dance class which is very rare (and honestly I felt really proud of myself!). When we walked in, all of the moms from Sophie’s dance class were sitting in the waiting room while their daughters were already dancing.

💃  😱  Horrified, I realized I was 45 minutes late, not 15 minutes early! UGH! In that moment, I felt like all of those moms had it so much more together than me.😦

Sometimes I feel like I am trying to keep up and everyone else seems to have their act together…

Michelle
Anna
Anna

I’ve so been there! Lately for me, my worry is that I’m doing too much, trying to work outside my home and be a mom at the same time. I look at other moms who are totally focusing on their kids and their home and I feel like they’ve really got it together and I don’t! 😞

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

I know…I look at these moms who are always caught up on dishes, spend an hour reading with their child each day, and somehow find time to exercise consistently, and I do not measure up to that.

Michelle
Desi
Desi

Heck, I’m so behind I can’t even find the measuring stick! 😁

Desi
Anna
Anna

😂  Speaking of not measuring up…I had lunch with Benjamin at school yesterday. I have been so busy at work, and I finally had time to go. I helped him open up his pre-packaged lunch, and then I just stared at it! I instantly felt like a “bad mom” because it was SAD-looking! Why on Earth was I buying those for so long? I hadn’t even looked inside one of them to see what they were really eating.

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

I know what you’re saying. You start asking, what is wrong with me?? Why can’t I rock it like all the other moms?

Michelle
Desi
Desi

I feel like that ALL.THE.TIME. The other day, after fighting with my husband all the way to church about getting the kids ready on Sunday, we walked in behind a mom friend that was by herself with FOUR kids. I instantly felt ashamed and like a failure.

Desi
Michelle
Michelle

Yes…that’s what I felt. 😞  But why do I feel like a failure in those moments? Am I missing something?

Michelle
Desi
Desi

Yes. You’re missing that big bow for Sophie’s hair. Kidding! You never seem to forget that!  😜😂😂

Desi
Michelle
Michelle

You know me well! 😂  🎀

Michelle
Desi
Desi

But seriously, you’re not missing anything. Why do we compare ourselves so much? It only makes us more tired, weary, and defeated.

Desi
Anna
Anna

You’re so right. I’ve been realizing sometimes I am comparing myself to someone who has a totally different set of circumstances than me. We’re not even in the same boat – so why do I think we should be doing things the same way?

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

I totally know what you are saying. We focus too much on all of the ways it appears other moms are rocking it and we forget to look at the ways we are using our gifts well.  Because Anna, I look at you from the outside and I think you are totally killing it as a mom who is balancing many things!😍

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Aww, thanks. I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for what we do! And then again, our identity isn’t wrapped up in what we DO or don’t do. Or at least it shouldn’t be. But we subconsciously tell ourselves things like, “See, you are not as on top of your laundry as she is… Therefore, you are not a good mom.” How do we make that leap? That is NOT the truth we need to be telling ourselves!

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

You nailed it. I think comparison goes screaming down the wrong path when I go from, “Oh wow, that mom looks great with her non-yoga-pants outfit and make-up” to “She is a good mom; I am still in yoga pants with greasy hair, so therefore, I am not.”

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Exactly!

Anna
Desi
Desi

Oh, you guys are not alone. I think it goes back to grace…especially grace to self.  Instead of chastising ourselves to “Get it together!” we need to hear God saying,”The point is not about ‘having it together.’ The point is knowing who you are. You are my daughter, and I love you. Let My voice be the one that reigns in your mind and heart and let ME be the measuring stick you use.”

Desi
Michelle
Michelle

That is so what I needed to hear today!👊

Michelle
Desi
Desi

Me too! 😉 Because you know, this whole motherhood thing is not about us anyway; it’s about what He is doing in us and learning to see ourselves from His point of view…with His eyes of grace. When we take our focus off Him and put it on other people and how we stack up next to them, we’ll always be left feeling inadequate.

Desi
Michelle
Michelle

Yes. I think you’re so right. It’s all about adjusting my perspective. I like what you said, Desi, about “seeing myself from His point of view.” More of that in my life  🙏 — especially when toys are strewn all over my floor and dinner is picked up in the drive-thru on the way home!

Michelle
Anna
Anna

The drive-thru? What kind of mom does that?  😂 Just kidding! McDonald’s knows me well. 😉

Anna

 

Soaking in the Truth

 

Scripture to encourage you:

    • “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
    • “Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else.” Galatians 6:4, Living Bible
    • “A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.” Proverbs 14:30, The Message

Music to inspire you:


Wise Words to come alongside of you:


 

Living Out the Truth

 

Ideas to try:

    • Take a few minutes in your day to quiet your heart and listen to God’s voice. He is so delighted in who you are, not just what you accomplish but sometimes we don’t hear this truth enough.
    • Make a point to choose gratitude for what is going well in your life instead of looking at how well it appears others are doing.
    • Soak in the truth from the verses mentioned in When I Feel I Don’t Measure Up and consider placing them in a prominent place in your house (like the bathroom mirror) to remind yourself of Truth.
    • Sometimes when I compare myself to others, I am tempted to find something wrong with that person so I make myself feel better. Instead, let’s change our perspective and ask – how can I celebrate this mom? Food for thought: “Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

About Michelle Warner

The truth about me is that I love spending time with people–whether it be with moms in MOPS, students in writing camps, friends in my supper club, or family on our patio. And if you combine people and words, I am definitely in my happy place. One of my most favorite moments is sitting around a table with the people I love sharing deep conversations about life. Inviting people into our home and pulling out my fancy dishes invigorates me, though tackling the hand-wash pile in my sink does quite the opposite. (Sorry, Hubby. I’ll get to those soon!) I’m learning to enjoy the people in my life without feeling the need to prove myself or always make them happy. God continues to teach me that when I find what I need in Him rather than the perfectly-cooked chicken or the perfectly-timed word, I have a security that can’t be shaken. And that’s a good thing since my hard-working husband and I have two very determined little girls who keep us on our toes!

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