So I discovered this week that one of my boys has been stealing from his classmates.
Oh goodness. ?
He did not want to tell me exactly what happened at first, but then decided that it was best to be honest. I mean, I guess that was a small victory right there in my parenting? At least I had taught him to tell the truth eventually! ?
I think so! That’s actually a huge victory!
But I’ll be honest too, I was tempted to think that I had failed as a mom. Had I really failed to teach him that it was wrong to steal?!
Isn’t it interesting how when our kids make a bad choice we can internalize it and own it and somehow let it be a verdict on ourselves and our motherhood? ?
Right?! I was also tempted think that his behavior was going to make me look bad as his mom. The mom of one of the kids he stole from is someone I have to work closely with on a project. The thought ran through my mind, “What will she think of me?”
Funny you should say that. I just had a friend over for lunch that I am getting to know and oh my goodness, Sophie acted so rude the whole time. I was trying to not be so embarrassed over how she was acting but I also didn’t want my friend to think I raise my kids to act like this…and what I really cared about was what she thought of me.
And you feel partially embarrassed for them, but also embarrassed yourself. Yuck. That’s how this felt too, at first. But this time it was a little different because I had NOT failed in teaching him that stealing was wrong, so I can actually say that I did not internalize his mistake (this time).
Wow! That’s such an accomplishment! Teach me your ways! ?
Oh, Yes, I’m such an expert now that I have accomplished this one time! Haha!!
Seriously, how did you separate yourself from his choices?
I think it’s because this action was so clearly not something I would do. It is not my personality at all to take something that belongs to a friend. So this time I clearly saw what the difference was between me and my son. That we are created separately by a God who loves each of us, faults and all.
That’s good stuff! I’m finding that when I am secure in that truth and who I am, I can handle challenging situations like these so much better.
That’s so true. I feel like this time I was secure in two important things: that God is so good, and that my worth was not found in my child’s actions. And because I remembered those truths, there was no embarrassment. And I felt sort of strong as a mom.?
Ohhh, that is such a good point. We are strong mamas when we rely on God to give us our worth rather than other things or other people–even our kids!
You know, I have been noticing in the Bible that God tells His people to be strong a lot… like He commands them to be strong! After walking through this whole thing, I felt like I understood that it was possible to follow this command. #bemomstrong Because He made it so clear who I was apart from anything I did, or that my child did.
That’s awesome. And you know what that verse doesn’t say? Be strong and courageous and do it perfectly. I think sometimes I think strength=perfection. But it doesn’t. We don’t have to handle each of these crazy parenting moments perfectly to be strong moms.
We don’t have to do ANYTHING perfectly, actually!
Thank goodness!! ? But I love what you said about God’s command about being strong. I don’t usually feel like that is a word I would use to describe myself. Sometimes I don’t feel strong at all…
Me either. But sometimes when I am in that super do-er mode, I feel like I can do it all on my own… and that kind of strength fails me EVERY time!
Hmm, you’re right. We can vacillate between not feeling like we have enough strength or feeling like we’re full of strength in ourselves…but maybe instead of how we feel, it’s more about being strong in the right source?
Yes! And you know what I was just thinking?! I am tempted even now to think that I can do this perfectly…. Always rely on God’s strength perfectly. And I’m right back into perfectionist thinking.
??
What if instead of striving, I allow myself to be led by God? What if I rely on the Bible and prayer to speak truth to me about who I am and who He made me to be?
I think that is the only way to be a strong woman and mama. To continually ask God to remind me more of who He is and who I am.
That is real security. That is real strength: knowing who we are and knowing no matter what is going on around us or in our own thinking, we are strong because of a God who loves us and made us.
Mic Drop. ??
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “‘Do not be afraid, you who are highly esteemed,’ he said. ‘Peace! Be strong now; be strong.’ When he spoke to me, I was strengthened…” (Daniel 10:19, NIV)
- Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord. (Psalm 31:24, NIV)
- “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LOrd your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9, NIV)
- “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me … For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, NIV)
Music to inspire you:
- “Strong God” by Meredith Andrews
- “Strong Enough” by Matthew West
- “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns
Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
- “Strong in God’s Strength” by Anne Grahm Lotz
- “Help Kids Recognize Their Identity in Christ” by Jennie Allen
- Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by Stasi and John Eldredge
- “How Shame Assaults Your Identity” by Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- When you’re feeling defeated about a bad choice by one of your kids, pause and ask yourself – what part of this situation am I internalizing and letting it affect my identity? Ask God to show you the truth about who you are to Him and ask Him to help you separate yourself from your child’s choice.
- Read some of the verses above and allow those truths to soak down into your heart. God is the strength you need to #bemomstrong. If you are feeling weak, in Him you are strong! And if you are feeling like you are striving in your strength, remember that He your peace!
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.
In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}