The Sister Team: Camaraderie, Competition, Cheerleading and Correction

Hi, Sis! We’ve talked a lot about sibling relationships over the years. But you also know my kids don’t always get along as well as we did growing up.

Right! I also know you’re training them how to love each other. How are things going with that?

Well, just this morning, before we went on with our day, we had to apologize for unkind words. I’m sure we spoke unkindly to one another occasionally, but most of the time, we enjoyed being together. Do you remember the hours we spent in our “Barbie Land”?

Yes! We enjoyed each other’s company and camaraderie! We had many opportunities to work through disagreements and we learned that you have the most fun when you are working and playing together.

As the oldest, I often remember directing our play and you went along with what I said. I’m thankful Mom and Dad didn’t have the mentality of “the younger siblings can do whatever they want and the older ones can just deal with it.” We had to learn to work together. That was probably a good reason why we got along so well. What else do you think they taught us?

They taught us to always say what we mean and mean what we say. We didn’t tease or tell little mistruths. They focused on honesty and because of that we always respected each other and each other’s things. I would have never dreamed of going in your neat room and reading your diary or rifling through your perfectly organized doo-dads! That would have been a HUGE breach of trust on the sister team!

Very true. Teamwork makes the dream work! We learned a valuable lesson: never read another girl’s diary unless she shows it to you. HUGE TRUST BREACH. Speaking of teamwork, Mom and Dad taught us that we were always a team, first and foremost, even if we were competing with each other. That’s kinda a weird concept, isn’t it? From volleyball to horse shows, we were often competing, but we cheered for each other too!

Yeah, we pushed each other to do our best. We practiced together. Mom did a great job of emphasizing, “Always do your best!” and focusing on the fun of doing the event together rather than the outcome. I think being each other’s cheerleader is ultra important!

Yes! To me, some of your horse events were dreadfully boring, but I spent hours in the crow’s nest with my dog and a video camera capturing you riding your horse in the dressage competition! I was happy for you when you won and you were happy for me when I won. I loved cheering you on when you were doing something you enjoyed!

Yep and I tried to be the loudest one in the stands when you won Grand Champion with your pig! It was like, “Yeah! That’s my sister!”

We really were best friends! Do you remember our one big fight?

I don’t even remember what it was about! But the scar I got on my pinky from the spoon you threw at me still hurts if I hit it on something! 😛

Mom and Dad didn’t even have to discipline me for that! Remorse for hurting you was the only correction I needed! I felt sooo bad!

Yes, Mom and Dad definitely did a good job of modeling loving interactions. They taught us that good sibling relationships are formed by working together and experiencing life together, but that sometimes correction is needed too.

Definitely. To be honest, I’m in the thick of this with my kids… teaching them to love and respect each other and get along is a daily struggle. Some days, all I can do is cry out to God for wisdom. I know you do the same… how do you give correction to your kids when they mistreat each other?

Well, I think it’s a personal decision, but what we’ve found is that the best way to correct mistreatment of a sibling is to prevent it in the first place!

That’s genius. What do you mean by that?

In our home, my husband and I have taken a very simple approach from the time our boys were small. Since the day our youngest was born, our older son has been a teammate to his younger brother. As they’ve gotten older, the caretaking now goes both ways. In the beginning, I had to tell them, “Go help your brother,” instead of just helping him myself, but that taught them they were a team.

I remember your oldest referring to his brother as “our baby” when you were pregnant. I thought that was so sweet, yet it was also teaching him that his brother would be his too, and not just yours and your husband’s. Talk about camaraderie from birth! But what if your kids don’t always get along very well, like mine? Do you have any ideas?

Well, sometimes a piece of the puzzle is correction. Again, we’ve taken a simple approach. In sibling conflict, it’s never only one of them that is at fault. Because, the very nature of conflict requires two participants! 😛

Very true! You can’t argue with yourself! So do you correct both of them when there’s conflict?

Yes, almost always. We’ve chosen not to play judge and jury, trying to establish who is at fault most, etc. That can get really complicated, really fast! 😛

It sure can! What is your strategy?

Our simple, go-to approach in resolving conflict is that they both receive discipline or “correction” fit to the offense. Then we encourage them to respect each other and follow up to be certain that happens. Whether it is obedience or listening to wise advice from their sibling. For example, “We’re supposed to be taking a nap, not playing”. After practicing this, the kids begin to appreciate the peace that comes from simply getting along! In fact, the whole family enjoys the peacefulness! 😉

It is always a joy to be around your boys, so I know others appreciate it too! 🙂 Thanks for your thoughtful input. I’m thankful to be your sis. 😉 Love ya!

And I’m sure thankful to be yours! Love ya tons! 🙂