Moms in Progress: Lindsey Hilty

Today we are excited to be featuring Lindsey Hilty. I’m so thankful for God’s providence that allowed me to meet Lindsey when we both brought our wiggly toddlers to storytime at our local library more than six years ago. And for all the ways our friendship has grown over the years!

Lindsey, can you introduce yourself to our TtT community by telling readers a little bit about your family?

Of course! My husband Jeremy and I have two kids, Abby, 6, and Benjamin, 8. Here is a picture of all of us together.

Do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] Mom Hat?

Other than mom, I also am a full-time teacher to my son whom I homeschool. In my spare time, I freelance write marketing materials for websites, blogs, advertisements and other features for a local non-profit marketing team.

What is a recent struggle you have faced in your journey of motherhood?

My two children have never been easy. I would often look at nieces and nephews, or the children of friends, and wonder what I was doing wrong. When the competitive perfectionist in me starts to come out, I have to remind myself that God created my sweet children to shine for His purpose and not for my pride.

My daughter has a dislike for most clothing. It’s uncomfortable. She used to wear the same outfit all week long until I pried it off her and insisted it must be washed. There were tears every morning before school. My son struggles with things we have yet to officially diagnose, but which make motor tasks, speech and handwriting range from challenging to disastrous. He and I have often lost our tempers as we battled over occupational and speech therapy exercises.

In light of this struggle, what is a small victory you’ve experienced?

It’s the small victories that count in our household.

When my daughter got herself ready for kindergarten, and was wearing clean pants, socks, and shoes, we high fived and did a happy dance. Her morning tears are much less frequent now, and when she proudly got on that school bus, ready to greet her friends and learn fun new things, my heart swelled with joy. The most helpful change we made was learning to show empathy – and to try to offer her distractions and motivations. I pick my battles, so as long as she is safely dressed, she may show up to school in February wearing a spring dress. I ignore the comments and dirty looks from the peanut gallery.?

When my son remembers to feed his fish and brush his teeth before coming downstairs, that is worthy of a celebration, because following routines and processes can be such a challenge. I watch him and smile as he confidently puts his shoes on the correct feet. In fact, I can’t recall the last time he struggled with this once overwhelming task. I keep this in the front of my mind when I think about our current challenge to tie shoes. I tend to anxiously worry when he isn’t acting in the way I think he should act to fit in. I also fret when I think he is falling behind his peers. So, when a friend told me other children were affirming his speed as he ran through a ninja warrior course at a homeschool gym class, my anxious heart was beyond relieved and happy to know he is not only fitting in, but excelling. He is just doing it his own way.

Recently on the blog, we have been talking about how to #bemomstrong by intentionally creating time for family and sibling bonding over the summer. Since I know this is a priority for you, too, can you share with us anything that you have found helps keep your family together in meaningful ways?

Jeremy works second-shift as a pharmacist, so we always have to be a little creative to plan family time. We eat our biggest meal of the day at lunchtime. Lately, we have been playing games to encourage the kids to stay at the table longer, and to interact with us more. A couple favorites are “Guess what I am humming?” or “Would you rather…?

I love it! I’m always looking for ideas to make meals more of a time to truly interact and connect as a family. What else have you done?

I have a bad habit of over-scheduling. Today, after double booking us, my husband sat me down at the computer to create a shared calendar. I also promised to say no a bit more often, so we still have the downtime we need. He is so good about suggesting things that aren’t on my crazy calendar, like family bike rides, or quick walks to the nearby creek.

We made the choice this year not to get passes to our local amusement park, although we had enjoyed them in the past. We decided our family needed some more unscheduled moments where we could just be together and make some memories. Hopefully, this will teach our kids how to find fun and entertainment in the little things. Finally, we make sure our weekends have enough time for family game night and family movie night. The kids know that Mommy shows no mercy in Monopoly, and Daddy makes an endless supply of popcorn even if you didn’t eat all your vegetables at dinner.

Do you have any additional words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

I don’t have perfect wisdom and advice for other struggling moms, because there are so many days when I fail.  For example, when my son and I were working through a book on anger, I totally lost my temper.? However, I am learning to mentally tick off the victories. By narrowing my focus to progress, rather than shortcomings, current struggles don’t seem quite as insurmountable.

We’ll get there.

I continuously remind myself that life isn’t a competition, and my children’s successes are not to be measured by society’s standards. It’s not about the goals I think they should achieve, but about their journey as they love Jesus and hone their God given-gifts, talents, and passions. They are going places, and they will get there in their own time. In the meantime, I am going to focus on being their biggest fan.

They’ve got this.

So true! Life is not a competition!? Isn’t that a lesson we all need to be reminded of?! Thanks for sharing with us today, Lindsey.