I had the craziest dream the other night!
What was it about?
In the dream, I was outside with a whole group of people that I knew I belonged with. And I saw behind us that there was water rising up from somewhere. I didn’t like it, so I moved ahead of the group toward some houses. On the way to what I perceived as a safe place, there were all of these gardens. So I stopped to pick strawberries… (Dreams have the craziest details, don’t they?!)
Definitely–random details! Haha. Okay, what happened after the strawberry picking?
Anyway, so when I looked up from the strawberries, all the people I was with were suddenly gone. Like they must have passed me by and I didn’t even notice. So then in the dream, I have this panicky feeling start to rise in me. Like I have to find my people now. And I was suddenly aware that I didn’t know where my youngest child was. So then I became even more panicked.
Ohh, this is getting really interesting!
Right?! So I ran away from the strawberries toward the houses and I just barely see my people riding away from the houses on bikes. And as I was running down this driveway, I suddenly realized it was my mom’s house (so odd). Then in the dream I can saw myself being conflicted about if I should go back up the driveway to the house for my bike, or to try to follow my people (and my son, maybe?) on foot.
Gosh, I can feel your panic! ?
It was like I was paralyzed. I had gotten ahead of my people and then all of a sudden they were leaving me behind. And then I woke up. And I could not shake this dream. It felt so real.
Wow. That’s intense! I really do think that some dreams have meaning behind them. Have you thought about what this could be all about?
I totally agree! I think it was really about my current situation with how I am feeling about staying home for one more year with my youngest child.
Huh?? Okay, now I’m really intrigued. Please explain!
I think that deep down, I sort of want to move onto the next thing in my life. I’m feeling like, now that I’m 40 there’s just this sense of urgency to do something more.
Ohhh. I get it! I’ve been there, my friend. Actually, I just recently came out of that spot in the past year!
Well, that is good to hear! I mean not good that you felt like this, because it is not fun. But good that I’m not alone in this feeling.? I thought I was having some sort of “mid-life crisis” or something. I felt like this dream was sort of a little warning to me. Like don’t push ahead for “strawberries” or else my people are going to pass me by. And then I’ll be left behind.
That makes total sense! And yes – I felt the same way (and I’m 41 now, so there might be something to hitting that 40 mark) — for the past 2 1/2 years!
Like you were on hold?
Exactly. And not only that, but like I was behind. And it seemed like a lot longer than 2 1/2 years. It was an uncomfortable place for me to be. It did feel like a midlife identity crisis — not as far as who I am to God, but about the stage I was in and what I was going to do, career-wise. I felt like I was in this awkward in-between phase.
Yes. I get that… the “in-between-ness.” There’s just some areas where it seems like I could “do more.” Like maybe I could do more to help with our tight finances by working a little outside the home. Or maybe I could do more for the boys. Or maybe I could be doing more for God… using these talents He’s given me in new ways.
Right — more, more, more! And with everyone talking about “finding your passion” these days, and seemingly everyone on social media doing some great “thing” to make the world a better place, and with financial strain piling up… All of that added up to a real sense of restlessness in my heart.
Yes. Restlessness. That is the word! I couldn’t quite put my finger on the feeling. Because, I’m not really discontent. I have loved, really loved, staying home for these last 9 years. I know it was the right decision for me and my family. And there have been plenty of hard days being home with my boys, but it has all been worth it to me.
For sure!! I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. Same for me.
But now there’s this “restlessness in my heart” to move on to the next season. Every time an opportunity presented itself last spring, I would pray about what I should do, and every time I just felt like God was saying, “not yet.” It wasn’t a no. Because there were some interesting opportunities presented that I think I would have loved doing.
Oh, that’s the hardest!!! When these opportunities come that seem really great! It’s like – what if I’m hearing God wrong? What if I miss out? (I could “What if” stuff to death!)
I get it! Because I have some fears that those “chances” won’t be there again. (I’m actually crying right now! This is so good to talk out with you!)
Oh my friend!!!! I feel your pain! I really do! It’s a hard thing!
But I know the plans God has for my life, my boys’ lives are good. So it’s hard to reconcile this “not yet” answer and my feelings of frustration or disappointment with His good plans for me. And I find saying yes to opportunities feels easy and good in the moment, but then, I have too much to do and I’m not focused in the right place.
Oh yes. I love saying yes! And I was OFTEN tempted to fill my plate too full, thinking that somehow that would fill the gap I was feeling. Somehow, it would add up to “enough.” But I have learned the hard way, several times, that doing that only adds up to exhaustion.
That is a great reminder for me. Don’t fill the time for the sake of filling the time. Sit here in this season. Try to enjoy this last year before the boys are all in school all day, restless as I may be.
My mom gave me a lot of peace the other day because I was talking to her about the debt we’ve gotten into over the past year, and if I should be doing more about it. And she said just to keep being patient and faithful. The debt will come and go at this stage in our lives.
Patient and Faithful… these are not virtues that come naturally to my busy-body self.
I don’t know if they come naturally to anyone!
Makes me think that His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are not our thoughts. How glad I am for that, but how frustrating it can be too. But God is not done with us — is He?
Nope. Never. He has good things for us and He knows the desires of our hearts. The little and the big. This I know for sure — He’s been teaching me this over the past year. You can trust Him with the desires of your heart.
Trust Him with my now 40-year-old heart’s desires. Deep. Breath. Exhale. You’re right. That’s really the only thing to do when we feel like this isn’t it?
Yep — you got it! Breathe and flex those faith muscles.
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future,’” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
- “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV).
- “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:9-11, NIV).
Music to inspire you:
- “Symphony” by Switch feat, Dillon Chase
- “Hills and Valleys” by Tauren Wells
- “God’s Not Done with You” by Tauren Wells
- “Reason” by Unspoken
- “Thy Will Be Done” by Hillary Scott & the Scott Family
Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
Related Posts on Texting The Truth:
- Beautiful in His Time: A New Season http://textingthetruth.com/2018/09/beautiful-in-his-time-a-new-season/
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- Don’t let flattery run away with your calendar. When you are asked/offered to do something, stop and pray first. Take time to think it over. Ask God, “Is this something that you want me to do right now?” Talk to you husband or a trusted friend.
- And don’t let the “What ifs” run away with your mind, either. Flex your faith muscles by trusting that if you feel God is saying “Wait” or “Not yet” to this opportunity, it means that the RIGHT opportunities will come around (or back around) at just the perfect time.
- The next time one of your children ask for something and your answer is, “Not right now,” or “Wait,” pause and remember that this is like God’s answer to you. Just like you want ALL the good things for your child, He does too. But He sees the bigger picture and what is best for you and all involved. But P.S.: It’s okay to cry about it to God. Express how you’re feeling.
- As I (Laura) am in this season of waiting myself, I hope that I can hold onto the dreams and heart desires for just a little longer. Metaphorically speaking, I’m going to put them in a box until my season of waiting is over. I’m not planning on putting that box in a storage unit off site, but just on a nearby shelf, easily accessible for when the time comes to open it.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.
In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}