Michelle Warner | Texting the Truth

Michelle

I’m so thrilled to have Heidi join our discussion on Being Mom Strong today. I know you will be blessed by her story! Heidi, can you share more about this photo?

Heidi

This picture was taken almost one year ago exactly of our two biological children and our foster daughter. This little one was with us for just over a year and was recently reunified with her mom. As I look back through photos on my phone, she is in almost every picture, so it was tricky to find one that didn’t include her sweet face. Even though she isn’t with us anymore, she will always be a special part of our family so that’s why I chose this picture to represent us and our foster care journey.

Michelle

That is such a sweet picture. I know God has touched your heart deeply through this foster care journey you have been on. Do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] Mom Hat?

Heidi

I am a wife, mom, foster mom, and the Care Communities Coordinator for my church, which is a ministry that provides support to foster families. Care Communities began in Georgia and is now a part of several churches in Indiana all because of one incredible foster mom who wanted to start it at her local church. It is already having a huge impact on foster care here in Indiana, and I’m so grateful to be a part of it!

Michelle

I love that you are using your gifts and your experience to bless people in this area of foster care! Tell us more about your cute kids!

Heidi

We have two kiddos, Jax who is 8 and Jossi who is 6. Jax is my athletic, crazy, give-me-a-heart-attack-daily, kinda boy. Jossi is my sweet and spirited, princess and pink-loving girl. They both keep life fun, that’s for sure!

Michelle

Love it! Can you tell us more about your foster care journey?

Heidi

God has taken our family on quite the ride this past year. My husband, Andrew, and I became licensed foster parents in March 2017 and the same day we were licensed, an adorable two-year-old girl was placed in our home. It was a roller coaster from the very beginning and I struggled with all of the daily challenges of foster care. There were days that I felt very isolated and alone because no one I knew at the time could really understand what I was going through.

Some days I would quite honestly think, “Why am I doing this? Our life was so perfect and easy before this!” But we didn’t say “yes” to foster care because we longed for the easy and comfortable life, we said yes because God had been working on our hearts and called us to be foster parents and we wanted to be obedient to His calling. This past year has been the hardest year of my life but in that obedience came an inexplicable joy and closeness with Jesus that I had never experienced before. In saying yes to God’s calling, He fulfilled every need and longing I have for more of Him, more of His presence and His peace.

Michelle

I love that you said – we didn’t say yes for an easy life but to be obedient to what God was calling us to. I admire you greatly for that choice!

What would you say was a mom win in the midst of your foster care journey?

Heidi

Our kids have been total rockstars in this whole process of fostering, so I consider that a mom win in my book. We had no idea how they would respond to bringing a child into our home and we did our absolute best to prepare them by talking through different scenarios. But really how do you prepare your kids when you have no idea what to expect yourself or even the age or gender of the child that could be placed with you!?

Actually experiencing it was the best way for all of us to truly learn. There were so many opportunities that led to deep and meaningful conversations about second chances and forgiveness, loving like Jesus, and even cultural differences. Were our kids perfect and never struggled with the changes or stress of foster care!? No way! We all struggled, a lot. Was it totally worth it!? Absolutely. Just TWO DAYS after our foster daughter went home, our son asked “Can we get another foster kid?” I was actually shocked by his question because our life went from crazy to to calm overnight AND our kids were back to getting one-on-one attention. Why on earth would they want to change that!?

While I was still processing everything, my kids were ready to dive back in, and honestly I had been contemplating if we should ever foster again. After my son talked about why he wanted to do it again, I knew God was using him to remind me, yet again, that ‘He’s got this’ and if my kids could see that, then so could I. ?

Michelle

That is so amazing. I love how God uses our kids to teach us so more about Him.

So what would you say to a fellow foster care mom in the trenches like you have been?

Heidi

For any foster mamas who are struggling, know that you are not alone! There were so many days I came home and told Andrew that I never wanted to do this again. Actually 50% of foster parents quit after the first year or first placement – that tells you just how incredibly difficult it is. A common response I heard from others often was “I could never do that.” I always wanted to say, “Me either!” but I would just smile and nod. I did not feel strong enough, equipped enough, or brave enough but yet, here I was, doing it. It was there that God revealed to me, “You can’t do this, but I can, so let Me.” So, I encourage you foster mama and any mama who feels like you can’t say one more yes or survive one more day: surrender – lift those tired hands, palms up, and pray to Jesus, “You’ve got this! I can’t, but YOU can!” He will meet you right then and there.

Michelle

Heidi, that is such an amazing encouragement! Though I am not a foster care mama, I needed to hear those words too. Surrender brings such freedom. ?

How are you feeling now that your foster daughter is no longer with you?

Heidi

After finding out that she would be going home within a matter of days, I remember texting my sister and another foster mama that I was mad at God. I was mad at Him for calling us to do something so painful. They both responded with compassion and understanding. While I am not quite ready to jump back in yet, I finally am able to see that God used us to love this little girl when she needed it the most. I am in awe and so grateful that He allowed us this opportunity. We are taking a much needed break to rest, recharge, and nurture our family of four, but we will say yes again.

Michelle

You are the definition to me of a woman who is #momstrong. Not because of your own strength but because of the strength that God gave you through this journey. Thank you so much for sharing this story with us and all that you learned!

I distinctly remember sitting in a circle of other moms at church just a few months after my second child was born. I remember sharing that I felt like all my time and energy – and, really, my whole life – was spent on nursing and napping schedules.

Follow your passions. Use your God-given gifts to further His Kingdom. Often easier said than done as a mom.

I have four kids now and my youngest recently turned two. The day to day needs of my children have been pressing and all-consuming in some seasons of motherhood. So, I’ve wondered what God really wanted from me during those times when I wasn’t able to use what I thought were my gifts – or, at least, not able to use them in the same ways that I had before having my children. Can anyone else relate??

Over the years, God has been teaching me about the value and purpose in all of my daily responsibilities as a mom – even the mundane ones, like potty training and washing dishes. He’s also been gently reminding me that what He desires from me is the same in all circumstances and seasons.

Love God with all that you are. Love your neighbor as yourself. When asked what the most important commandment was, that is how Jesus responded.

If loving God and others is most important, then it’s my ultimate purpose and highest calling in life. And, although the circumstances of my life change with every season, that purpose and calling does not. Love was my highest calling before I had kids; it’s my calling today with four young kids at home. And it still will be someday in the future when all my kids are grown … even if that day seems so far away, it’s hard for me to picture right now!?

So, what does it really look like to love God and to love other people in everyday life? I find myself asking that question often. And I think the answer has been different during different seasons of my life.

Pre-kids, I often equated loving God well with having a solitary, quiet time of prayer and Bible study while I ate breakfast before work. Don’t get me wrong, that quiet time wasn’t reality every day before kids either, but it was my goal. Post-kids, I do still love (and need!) to find ways to be with God and His Word … but those times aren’t always quiet or extended.? I’ve read my Bible and journaled while laying beside an infant doing tummy time. I’ve found a few minutes between laundry and dishes, while toddlers nap. Or, read a devotional while nursing a baby.

I was so encouraged by the words of Heidi St. John in Becoming Mom Strong: “God is just as present when you’re unloading the dishwasher as He is when you’re doing an inductive Bible Study.” She went on to write about how important it is for us, as moms, to spend time in God’s Word. That’s where we draw our strength and how we remain grounded in the truth. However, the ways we do that may look different in different seasons of life. My pastor’s wife shared that while she had young children at home, she left her Bible open on her kitchen counter and would read a couple verses at a time as she passed it throughout the day.

Without a doubt, how I take care of my children, pour into them, and teach them is also a way I love God. He has entrusted me with these four precious little lives. The way I love them honors God. Even when I’m *just* changing diapers, refilling cups of milk, tying shoes, and correcting homework. Sometimes, I’ve felt like I should do something “big” to serve God. But, no task is too small or insignificant to be noticed by Him. He is pleased when I faithfully care for my family, for my children and my husband.

Loving my neighbor as myself also starts at home with how I treat my husband and my children. And it reaches out beyond the walls of my house.

How do I love people outside my family when I’m knee-deep in our own laundry? Again, I have learned that being faithful in small gestures of love is just as valuable as something big and grand. Some things I simply can’t do with four little ones underfoot and that is ok. But, I have learned there are some things I can do. I can prepare a double portion of the dinner I’m making my family, so I can drop off a meal to another family when they welcome home a new baby or when they are going through a difficult situation. While I’m grocery shopping, I can pick up extra food to donate to a local ministry our church is involved with. I can open up my *always messy* house for a playdate with other families in our neighborhood or at my sons’ schools. These are simple ways I have felt God encourage me to share love with the people around me. And, in the years to come as my children grow, God will likely call me to show love in new ways.

I believe God has a purpose for each one of us, in the place and time and set of circumstances that we find ourselves today. What He asks each of us to do may be different, but, ultimately, it will all be about loving Him and loving people.That reminder of my purpose encourages me when I feel like maybe my daily routines and efforts are uninspiring or not enough. If I’m willing to follow His leading, God will take my little gestures of love and use them in big ways in His world.

~Katie Duh

(To read more about Katie, go here!)

Author: Michelle Warner

Mom Win Wednesday: Heidi Porterfield

My Highest Calling: Discovering My Purpose in Motherhood