Marriage | Texting the Truth

I dug this text out of the archives today and reread it. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. ? (Good thing I have such wise friends.?)

My hubby is a very-hardworking guy and he currently is in a really busy stretch at work. I’ve had to carry much of the load for us both as well as much of the other tasks for the last 30 days by myself. It’s been challenging, I won’t lie.

But the hardest part has been making sure we stay connected and on the same page in this crazy stretch. And if I’m honest, my biggest challenge has been not letting resentment grow when it feels at times like he’s choosing work over me and my girls. But I’m learning the minute I entertain those grievances instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, a seed of resentment begins to grow and I completely forget we are on the same team.

But let’s be real, when there are layers of emotions in marriage (which are in all marriages?), fighting to stay on the same team sometimes feels like a ton of work. And maybe at times a little hopeless because you don’t know where to begin again.

As I’ve prayed about this so so much this last month, I am realizing how much the enemy wants to keep us divided. To stay annoyed. To give the silent treatment. To say strong words. To not engage so I’m not disappointed. ?

But as I’m tuning my ear ? into what God wants for my marriage, I hear words like peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control…you know, things of the Spirit. This doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye or don’t speak up when it’s needed. This doesn’t mean we don’t get professional advice to help us navigate the layers…

But I am learning that what this means is asking God to fill me with His Spirit, and that He would draw me closer to my hubby and to Him. And that my words would build him up and my heart, tone, and body language would match. ? And when that doesn’t happen, that I would apologize with a sincere heart. Sometimes all it takes is a little humility to get the ball back in the game. ?

This is a loaded topic and our heart on our blog is that we tell the truth but do it in a God and husband honoring way. And at the end of the day, we can only take charge of our own responses. And I know for a fact that God will heap grace upon us as we ask for His help and strength. ?

I do want to take a moment to say that although there are moments I’ve felt like a single parent, I recognize I am not…but I know some of you rockstar mamas are. ❤️ Please know we see you and are saying an extra prayer of grace for you in this season. ? You really do rock!!!

So all of this to say – let’s ask God tonight: what step can I take to help my hubby and I stay on the same team?

To read the text convo, “Whose Side Are You On?” ?

Right there with you ~ Michelle

Laura

How is it that walking down the greeting card aisle of the grocery store stocked with cards saying “Happy Father’s Day!” triggers such deep emotions? Every. Year.

Michelle

Who knew paper was so powerful, huh?! ?

Laura

Right? I mean, maybe it’s a good thing? Every June I’m going to have a little attitude shift from the Lord. Last year grief, this year it’s a major reality check about how I treat my own hubby.

Michelle

More deep thoughts from the grocery store? Priceless! What was going through your mind this time?

Laura

Oh, you know, just that I think deep inside I fear that my boys will have as challenged a relationship with their dad as I had with mine.

Michelle

Hmm…you know what word jumped out at me? FEAR. Because you know I struggle with that. I think the trouble comes when we let our our fears hijack our thoughts.

Laura

Exactly! I don’t want to let fear run my thinking! So as I’ve been taking that fear to God, I’ve realized something very important!

Michelle

Yay for taking that fear to God instead of keeping it inside.

Laura

That has to be the first step. But to appease that fear in the meantime, I’ve realized that I have been sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. I’ve been trying to control the relationship between my hubby and my boys– trying to make it something I think it should be… opposite of the complications I had!

Michelle

That makes sense…isn’t it interesting how we can try to control without really meaning to?

Laura

That’s so true! So instead of trying to butt into that relationship, I need to let it play out. Less stepping on his toes when my hubby is disciplining. Less trying to force him to take the boys to do something. Less passive aggressive eye rolls or well-placed sighs. And definitely less angry disagreeing with something he is doing when the boys are right there with us. And anyway, he doesn’t do any of these things to me!

Michelle

Wow! ? God gave you some good wisdom when you asked! I’m learning, too, that the best thing I can do is ask for God’s help, surrender my expectations, and choose to be supportive. And the worst thing I can do is micromanage all of his attempts. (Not that I know that from experience or anything. ? )

Laura

Of course you don’t! ? I need to remember when I want to control a situation because of fear, I need to surrender the fear to God. Then instead of trying to control those around me, I want to trust God to work on each of the boys and their daddy. Finally, I want trust my hubby to do what he thinks is right in his own relationships with our boys even if it wouldn’t be how I would do it.

Michelle

That’s good stuff right there.? I need to write that truth on my mirror so I see it everyday! ?

Laura

Ha, me too.? The reality is, my hubby is not just like my dad (far from it actually). My boys are not just like me (thankfully). And I am so thankful that God is at work in all of us! #thetruthaboutsummer #thetruthaboutfathersday

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:5,6, ESV)

Music to inspire you:

“Lead Me” by Sanctus Real (I often pray this sentiment for my hubby’s heart)

Category Archives: Marriage

Staying on the Same Team with My Hubby

My Father’s Day Gift: Butting Out