Ok ladies, I need some serious truth sent my way.  And be real with me, because I know I have a lot of growth to do in this area.

Well, then you’re in good company because I have lots of growth areas in my life too. ?

What? We’re supposed to keep growing and changing in life?! ?

Haha!  I’m afraid so. ?  I’ve been realizing that as I grow stronger in my relationship with God, I’m leaving my non-believing husband further and further behind.

Oh man, that’s rough. Been there! ?

He is supportive of the way I choose to spend my time with God, and he attends church with the family every week, but I can’t help but be envious of other marriages where the husband is the spiritual leader of the family.

First of all, I think it’s amazing that he’s supportive. But I also will say even though my husband is a Christian and tries to follow God, I am also envious when husbands step up and lead their families spiritually.

Oh, me too again! ? ?  I have definitely felt that envy before, and if I’m not careful that envy soon becomes full blown jealousy which makes the comparison monster come to life.

Then I start nit-picking my husband and asking him why he doesn’t do such and such a thing like so and so…Pretty soon I’ve managed to completely disrespect him and shut him down. ?

I’m all too familiar with that situation! I’ve done a lot of journaling on this issue and God has shown me that my lack of respect is probably a HUGE barrier in our marriage and in bringing my husband closer to God.  I mean, God clearly tells us to respect our husbands.  He doesn’t throw any exception into that, like, “only if he’s a Christian.”

Right. Or “only if he leads our family spiritually.” Why on earth do I think my nagging and resentful attitude is going to spur him on to take the lead?

Ouch. Dagger to the heart. ? That is exactly my problem.

If you’re like me, you feel helpless so nagging feels like your only option (key word: feels!).  But respect and leadership go hand in hand.  And I’m learning that my husband can still lead our family, even if I am the Christ-centered focus behind it. No good leader is a one-man show.  And some leaders don’t have that leadership skill come naturally to them.  They need the people behind them to lift them up.

I really like this thought. And I like that you used the words “lift them up” because I am realizing that my hubby responds much better when I choose a respectful approach…but  I don’t think I have been doing that. I’ve actually been pulling him down. Ok, maybe not overtly but definitely in the way I question him or even sigh loudly. ?

Lol. I may or may not have that same sigh. ?  ? But yes, I think you’re onto something. I guess I need to remember what I love about Jesus. He doesn’t nag and complain by pointing out all of my failures. Instead, He draws me to Him by the way He extends and offers His love and grace – calling out the good things in me. Imagine how our husbands would respond if this is how we treated them.

You hit the nail on the head. I have been thinking about this and have been starting to ask myself questions like – How is my tone of voice coming across right now? Does he feel like he’s going to fail before he starts so he doesn’t begin? And do I have a resentful attitude for how he is or isn’t handling this situation before us?

Because sometimes I can think I am so RIGHT in my position, but the way I handle it absolutely stinks. And I’m realizing God doesn’t care if I’m right when I completely lose it in the way I handle it. Shocking but true: I have a lot to own too. ?

Same here, my friend. Same here. For me, it has to start with an act of surrendering my husband and my “dream” of what I think a perfect Christian man should be or how he should act and lead.

Oh my, me too! I constantly have to let go of my idealistic view and instead look at the ways my hubby is loving me and our family well, even if he isn’t “leading” in the way I want.

Yep. I have had to place those things in God’s hands and trust that God is FAR more capable than me at changing or growing my husband’s faith. (And yes, this surrendering and trusting is still a daily occurrence.) ?

But trusting that God is doing that is so important, because it allows us to reflect His love onto our husbands.  I have to remember that God is the only one who can soften my husband’s heart towards Him, but God uses me as a means of bringing my husband closer.  And I also get drawn closer to Him in the process.