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Category Archives: Mom Life

Letting Go of the Mom Ideal

5 / 7 / 175 / 7 / 17

 

 

Ash

This morning I got the baby dressed in the most adorable little dress with a matching bow. She looked so cute I could hardly stand it! Two minutes before we were supposed to leave the house for church, she had a major spit-up situation on her and me. So much for looking cute and put together. Not exactly how I pictured the morning going!

Anna
Anna

Oh, I remember those days with my first born! It NEVER seemed to fail that whenever I would get her all put together with her cutest dress on, there would be some kind of spit-up or…the other kind of explosion!!

Anna
Ash

Ugh. So many bodily fluids in babies! ? I’ve learned to take pictures first thing in the morning so at least I’ll have one with her in the cute outfit and matching bow.

Anna
Anna

Smart lady! It’s hard though, when things don’t turn out the way you planned.

Anna
Ash

Exactly! I have this picture in my mind of how the day is supposed to go, which usually involves Millie AND me looking cute and put together. I struggle to let go of that picture in my head when reality is a much different one!

Anna
Anna

Yes, I can definitely relate. That makes me think of Sunday mornings before church. I get so frustrated! Then I’m a grumpy mom on the way to church. (Awesome.)

Anna
Ash

Why are Sundays always the crazy mornings when things go wrong? I hate arriving at church feeling like a hot mess! ? But really it’s a daily occurrence for me as a new mom! So now that you’re three kids in, what’s the secret?!  ?

Anna
Anna

I won’t say I don’t try for cuteness anymore, but my expectations have been lowered… haha… like waaaay lowered. #WhenDidYouLastHaveAShower ?  

But seriously, I think the first step is letting go of that ideal image that’s in our minds.

Anna
Ash

I think you’re right. It’s exhausting to try to maintain that perfect image, anyway!

Anna
Anna

It really is! ?

Anna
Ash

I was thinking about what I pray for Millie . . . I pray that she loves Jesus and follows Him all of her days. I pray that she is kind and smart and joyful. None of that has to do with how cute she looks. Though I do think she is one cute baby. #biased

Anna
Anna

(Well she is!) But we know that God looks at the heart, while we often get caught up in the appearance from the outside.

Anna
Ash

Totally. Seems like that truth is an easy thing to forget when we’re trying to surrender that ideal image we create for ourselves. Especially when we’re trying to get out the door on time with everyone wearing shoes!

Anna
Anna

Everyone gets out the door with shoes on in your family? You are a success, girl! We went to family pictures last fall and my son had only one shoe on. #truestory
But one day I realized… No one cares what we look like. In fact, if we are NOT all put together, it might make some other non-totally-put-together mom feel NORMAL. So it could be the best thing!

Anna
Ash

So you’re saying NOT living up to your own expectations as a mom is actually a good thing?

Anna
Anna

YES! It’s not my natural tendency, but when I want to change my perspective, I have to give up those crazy-high expectations of mine and stop trying to maintain that image. This not only takes the pressure off, but it lets me focus on what’s going on inside instead of outside.

Anna
Ash

I could definitely get on board with less pressure to be the perfect mom!

Anna
Anna

And added bonus: I get even more connected to the people around me because they know I’m keeping it real.

Anna
Ash

That is really inspiring and encouraging and something I would like to grow in. It’s a struggle not to be so focused on all the ways I don’t live up to my own expectations that I miss all the really amazing things about being a mom. And let’s be honest, looking cute all the time is kind of over-rated. I would wear my stretchy pants all day every day if I could. #realmomlife

Anna
Anna

You go girl! Thanks for making me think this through today. Now I have to go curl my hair. (Just kidding!) ?

Anna
Ash

Don’t forget to take a picture! ? ?

 

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • 1 Samuel 16:7: But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
  • Lamentations 3:22-24: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.”

Music to inspire you:

  • Free to Be Me by Francesca Battistelli
  • I Surrender (LIVE) by Hillsong United

Readings to come alongside of you:

  • Motherhood and the Art of Letting Go
  • Examining the Myth of the Perfect Mother

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Adjust your perspective. When something doesn’t measure up to your expectations, check to make sure your expectation is realistic. And if you end up disappointed, see it as a reminder to let go and focus on the positives.
  • Remember that God is more concerned with the condition of our hearts rather then the condition of our outfits. There is no perfect mom, or perfect child, for that matter! So it’s OK to relax and keep it real!

 

 

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I Dropped My Friend Ball

4 / 23 / 179 / 29 / 17

Laura
Laura

Sigh….   I’ve been juggling a lot lately.  Don’t get me wrong, I like to be busy, but I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve dropped something pretty important: my friends.

Laura
Anna
Anna

Oh yeah! Been there, done that! Unintentionally, but it is easy to do with kids, work, sports, hubby, and all the balls we have to juggle. ⚽⚾???  The “friend ball” gets lost. ? ? ? ?

Anna
Laura
Laura

Yep! Gone with the wind! I’ve realized when I used to  reach out, I’ve been working on other things  I’ve committed to.  I try to work friends in occasionally, but then I don’t follow through. And then I feel guilty because I’m not the “perfect friend”! And then after a while it gets easy to just not communicate. I wonder why I’m lonely?! How do I reconnect?  

Laura
Anna
Anna

Yes… It’s hard to  know where to begin. I start to wonder if they miss me, or need me in their lives? I realize as I’m writing these things, they seem so silly. Because my friend may be thinking the same thing, and the truth is, I DO miss them. I DO need them in my life!

Anna
Laura
Laura

I so DO!!!  There’s just nothing like a good girl-friend in my life! I love being with my boys (usually… wink-wink), I love spending time with my hubby, but I NEED friends to do life with even at a chaotic play-date or a rushed coffee-hour!  And it doesn’t have to be on a regular basis! Life with littles doesn’t afford that luxury like it used to!

Laura
Anna
Anna

Oh I totally struggle with that too. I’m such a “routine person” and I like things to be consistent. It’s so hard to accept it — but you’re right! It’s the stage of life that we’re in right now. It can feel isolating.

Anna
Laura
Laura

And when we are isolated by life’s circumstances, we need friends even more.  We need to hold each other up and sometimes that just takes us reaching out.  I’m all for a phone call, but even just a quick text to say, “How are you? I miss you!”  It could really help me.

Laura
Anna
Anna

Yep It does take a little work to carve out that time to talk with a friend. But it’s so worth the effort! Even if I can’t be a perfect friend, I need to realize that it’s okay to catch up occasionally and randomly.

Anna
Laura
Laura

It is ok! And I never regret grabbing coffee with a friend, even if it is squeezed in between grocery shopping and laundry and always in the middle of nap time on a Sunday.  That’s just what I can do for now!

Laura
Anna
Anna

I wish I had reached out to my friend, Jenny… I regret not doing that and think about it often..

Anna
Laura
Laura

Oh, goodness, Anna!  I forgot.  I bet this conversation has hit a sore spot for you.  How are you feeling about losing your dear friend so unexpectedly?

Laura
Anna
Anna

It’s rough. I still can’t believe she’s gone. And even though she lived in Texas, I wish I had picked up the phone every once in awhile and called her. The reality is, now I can’t. My sister says that her gift to us is that we remember how precious friendships are, and to take the time to let our loved ones know we are thinking about them, whatever that may look like in our current season of life.

Anna
Laura
Laura

It’s amazing that such a sweet lesson blossomed out of such a sad and sudden loss.  I’m sorry that you have the regret, but I hope you know that you don’t have to carry that as burden.  Our God is the God of all comfort!  But I hope that you feel that you can apply that lesson too.  And now, I can as well.  Because you’re so right.  It isn’t hard to reach out in a quick text.  I need to put aside guilt and awkward time gaps, and my idea of perfect friendships, and just reach out when I have a minute.

Laura
Anna
Anna

Thank you! And yes–now I tell myself, “JUST DO IT!” I think of Jenny and I just call, and I’m so glad when I do.

Anna
Laura
Laura

You know, I had a friend recently who I had been neglecting big time because of… well, it’s all excuses, but life.  Anyway, she knew that I was feeling bad about not connecting and she just took it as her personal mission to do all the reaching out during this season of my life.  She literally texted me everyday!  She reminded me I could do the hard tasks.  She just sent me little emoji high fives ??.  And it was great!  She could have been angry or annoyed at me for not being a good friend, but she chose not to pick up that offense and she blessed my socks off, if you know what I mean!

Laura
Anna
Anna

That’s awesome!!! I love that. What a great example of how to be a good friend.

Anna
Laura
Laura

Exactly!  I think with Jenny’s gift to us in mind and my friends’ example, we have what we need to give ourselves grace to be a good (not perfect) friend! I’m ready to pick that friend ball back up and throw it in that air and try to catch it along with everything else!  I won’t regret that and hopefully I can be there for someone else when they need it.

Laura

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.” (Proverbs 22:11, NIV).
  • “A friend loves at all times.” (Proverbs 17:17a, NIV)
  • “And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself… ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord.’” (1 Samuel 20:17, 42)

Music to inspire you:

  • “Friends” by Michael W. Smith (because who doesn’t love good ’80’s Christian Ballad?)

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • “An Open Letter to My Friends Who Don’t Have Kids” by Janie Porter
  • “Lonely Mommy: How Motherhood Took a Toll on my Friendships” from Shasta’s Friendship Blog (there are a lot of resources about friendship here!)
  • “Friendships in Motherhood” by Mary Byers posted on Hearts at Home

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Set aside a block of time (even just 20 minutes!) to reconnect in some way to the people you need in your life.  Send a text message, write a note and send it in the mail (gasp!), or pick up the phone and just reach out.  I’ve even found it helpful to use Facetime or Skype to connect with my friends when I can’t actually be with them.  It’s nice to see her face (and her kids’ faces) especially if you’re “trapped” inside due to sickness or baby’s 3 nap times or whatever!
  • Put a little gift in your friend’s mailbox. When we don’t have time sit down for coffee or chat for an hour on the phone, a little gesture is good too!
  • Find just one friend you can pray for who will pray for you.  It’s nice to know that even if you can’t meet and talk like you once could (I hopefully will be able to again in the future), you are building each other up through prayer.  

 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.

In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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