Staying on the Same Team with My Hubby

I dug this text out of the archives today and reread it. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. ? (Good thing I have such wise friends.?)

My hubby is a very-hardworking guy and he currently is in a really busy stretch at work. I’ve had to carry much of the load for us both as well as much of the other tasks for the last 30 days by myself. It’s been challenging, I won’t lie.

But the hardest part has been making sure we stay connected and on the same page in this crazy stretch. And if I’m honest, my biggest challenge has been not letting resentment grow when it feels at times like he’s choosing work over me and my girls. But I’m learning the minute I entertain those grievances instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt, a seed of resentment begins to grow and I completely forget we are on the same team.

But let’s be real, when there are layers of emotions in marriage (which are in all marriages?), fighting to stay on the same team sometimes feels like a ton of work. And maybe at times a little hopeless because you don’t know where to begin again.

As I’ve prayed about this so so much this last month, I am realizing how much the enemy wants to keep us divided. To stay annoyed. To give the silent treatment. To say strong words. To not engage so I’m not disappointed. ?

But as I’m tuning my ear ? into what God wants for my marriage, I hear words like peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self control…you know, things of the Spirit. This doesn’t mean we turn a blind eye or don’t speak up when it’s needed. This doesn’t mean we don’t get professional advice to help us navigate the layers…

But I am learning that what this means is asking God to fill me with His Spirit, and that He would draw me closer to my hubby and to Him. And that my words would build him up and my heart, tone, and body language would match. ? And when that doesn’t happen, that I would apologize with a sincere heart. Sometimes all it takes is a little humility to get the ball back in the game. ?

This is a loaded topic and our heart on our blog is that we tell the truth but do it in a God and husband honoring way. And at the end of the day, we can only take charge of our own responses. And I know for a fact that God will heap grace upon us as we ask for His help and strength. ?

I do want to take a moment to say that although there are moments I’ve felt like a single parent, I recognize I am not…but I know some of you rockstar mamas are. ❤️ Please know we see you and are saying an extra prayer of grace for you in this season. ? You really do rock!!!

So all of this to say – let’s ask God tonight: what step can I take to help my hubby and I stay on the same team?

To read the text convo, “Whose Side Are You On?” ?

Right there with you ~ Michelle

Not What I Expected

I have dreamed about being a mom ever since I was a little girl. ?I babysat all of the time when I was growing up and I taught elementary school after college, so I figured motherhood would be similar.
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Well, now that I’ve been a mom for almost five years, I would say it’s totally different than what I expected. ?There are days that remind me of my babysitting or teaching days where we play a fun game or do a cool craft, but most of my days feel like they are a lot of picking up messes, trying to empty the dishwasher with a child yelling my name over and over, saying “use your words” more times than I can count, losing my cool after my girls fight over the silliest thing, forgetting to put the just-cleaned clothes in the dryer and having to start all over again – and then tucked in between all of these moments – trying to also find time to build into my marriage, reach out to my family and friends, take care of my own self, and grow in my relationship with God. Phew. ?Sound familiar? ?
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The truth is, I can struggle with feeling like my kids are pulling me away from finishing the tasks on my to-do list or from writing on our blog…and I feel guilty saying that. ?The main reason I feel such guilt is because about eight years ago, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just after celebrating our first wedding anniversary.
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I’ll never forget walking out of the doctor’s office when they told me it didn’t look like I would be able to have biological kids. I sat in my car sobbing and surrendering that deep desire over to God. He had been so faithful to walk me through ten weeks of chemo and all of the unknowns up until that point (not to mention how my husband and I even met, which is another story for another day ?), and I just knew – even though it was gut-wrenchingly difficult – that I could trust Him with whatever the outcome would be.
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So fast forward to present day: I have two beautiful girls who are miracles and answers to so many prayers. They light up my life in ways I didn’t even know was possible and I feel a love for them that is indescribable. ?But I’ll be honest, I do not “love every minute,” and with all that we’ve gone through and for how much we’ve prayed for them, I can feel really guilty about that.
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I can feel guilty that I choose my phone over them during some moments of our days. Or when I let my four-year-old watch TV while I work on a blog during rest time (see previous IG post for more on that!). Or that I don’t handle a melt-down more patiently. ?
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But I’m guessing even if you haven’t had a health crisis like me, you wrestle with mom guilt too. Wondering if you’re doing enough, being present enough, savoring the moments enough. Wishing you hadn’t done that or comparing yourself to a more perfect mom in your mind who appears to have it “more together” (whatever that means!).
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Well, this is why we started our blog. We aren’t experts on motherhood by any means; we’re moms desiring to learn and grow and love our children, hubbies, selves, and God more fully and intentionally. And we decided what better way to do that then share the real stuff of our lives – because we are real moms in need of Real Grace. Grace from each other, from ourselves and most importantly from a good, gracious God. ?
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If you’d like to read more of the story behind our blog and how we got started, we invite you to check out the link. And thank you for being a part of this community of real moms. ?
In this together ~ Michelle