Ahhh…I had a total mom fail tonight and I made Libby cry… Feeling really bad. ?
Oh dear. What happened?!
Ugh, I’ve definitely been there before. Fill us in…
I was in cleaning mode, rushing around the house trying so hard to make some progress, and all of the sudden she said, “Come look, Mommy! I’m all done!”
All I saw was a trail of BLACK paint drips between us and the dining room table. On the carpet. ???
?? Oh my goodness, I can totally imagine this scene and your horror! Ugh!
Yeah, I kinda freaked out…and then the rest of the family stopped to see what she did. She looked at us and started bawling.
Oh no. Poor girl. ? And poor Mom! What did you do?
I took a deep breath and asked her, “Can I still see your painting?” She said, with tears still on her cheeks, “Okay… See the pink wings?”
It was so sweet, and so pitiful–I could have KICKED myself for reacting that way about the (washable) paint on the floor.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Kids are WAY more resilient than we think.
And heck, I probably would’ve said something far worse. ?
I agree with Desi. We all have those knee-jerk reactions especially when we’re focused on getting something done! But I’m sure I would have felt like you.
I just wish that I could stop and think before I spew my feelings on my kids! ?
You know, sometimes I think it’s actually good for them to see us lose it. (Not that this should be our excuse for every blow-up. ? )
But seriously, the important part is how you handle yourself AFTER the blow-up because then you get to model how to apologize and deal with emotions. ?
I guess you’re right. I know there’s something to learn here about slowing down before I speak and using self-control, but blow-ups are just going to happen sometimes. (Sigh) I model apologizing A.LOT.
I know it feels really defeating because I am right there with you but I think you are doing some amazing parenting in those modeling moments. You’re teaching them what it looks like to be humble in the real world, and I personally think they will remember those tender moments much more than the blow-ups.
And more than that, when we pick up the pieces and tell them we love them and receive their unconditional love back, we model for them how God loves us. And I think that’s the whole point, right?
Right. That’s true…
I bet she learned more from you apologizing and recovering than she would from you always being calm, cool, and collected.
Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hmm–so always being totally calm isn’t the goal?
Sometimes I’d like to think that’s the goal but then I realize I can’t execute that 100%. So I’m realizing there is a deeper purpose in our goal as moms and it has to do with depending on God to do what we can’t. And I think that’s the truest picture of grace in motherhood: asking God to help us in our needy moments and accepting His grace when we totally blow it.
Amen. But for some twisted reason it seems easier to beat myself up, and feel bad and rehash an event – as though I need to punish myself or something. But God is there extending his grace and forgiveness, and I just need to accept it. (Both from Him and the people I apologize to!) It sounds like Libby forgives you, and she’ll be okay! Now you just have to forgive yourself and accept the very grace you give your children. ? Hang in there, Mama!
Thanks. Okay–time to forgive myself and move on! And maybe I’m a little bit more ready for the next spill…whether that’s paint, milk, juice…or my emotions. Or all of the above. ?
Soaking In the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
- “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” John 8:11.
Music to inspire you:
- “Your Grace is Enough” by Matt Maher
Readings to come alongside of you:
- “My Surprising Secret to Success as a Mom” from FamilyLife.
- “Where You Sit is How You Stand” from Proverbs 31.
- “10 Things To Do Differently Before You Lose Your Temper” from LisaJo Baker’s blog.
- “The Most Life-Changing Thing Any Woman Can Do For Herself This Mothers Day” from A Holy Experience. (Note, this is a post about grace for moms, don’t let the title fool you.)
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- As moms we know that moment when we have said enough, but for some reason we just keep going. Try stopping yourself at that point where you know your words are being hurtful and not helpful.
- One thing I have tried when I am really frustrated is to begin praying out loud for wisdom and patience. It’s a double-win because my kids get to see me ask God for help, and I am tapping into God’s power to help me in the situation.
- It’s sometimes impossible, but take a minute (or five!) to decompress, especially if that means having a calmer outlook and responding more lovingly to your kids. Take a moment in the bathroom and close the door.
- Sometimes we’re not ready to talk it out, but when you’re ready, revisit the situation that you didn’t handle well and talk it through (even if it’s the next day). Apologize, if needed, to your kiddos. It can be hard to know what to say, but that modeling is so key for them to understand what to do when they lose it.
- Then, forgive yourself and move on! Don’t beat yourself up about it. Read articles above for more on that!
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}
