Hey, Texting the Truth moms! You are going to love this text convo with one of the most honest, hard-working moms I have ever known, and a mom of two boys who have ADHD — Erin Durbin!
Hey, Erin! Thanks for talking with us!
Hey everyone! Thanks for asking me to write!
Tell us a little about this beautiful picture (you guys are so photogenic)! And tell us about these two handsome Durbin boys.
I am very proud of this not so perfect family. We have all learned so much about each other and ourselves throughout the years.
Evan is 10 and Mason will be 8 in a couple of weeks. Evan is smart and mechanically inclined. Mason is my creative architect.
Hmm, smart and creative. Sounds like a certain famous hairstylist I know…?
Haha—I don’t know about famous, but yes I am a hairstylist running my own business, so I wear all the hats! Accountant, receptionist, cleaning lady and buyer. But, most importantly, my chair is my ministry and my purpose is to be a good friend, listen, and give advice if asked or needed.
As a friend and client of 14 years, I have loved talking with you while you do my hair! So many great conversations have come from that chair, I bet! You have a pretty cool job.
I really do!!! I love my job.
Okay, on to the deeper stuff. I know that you have been really challenged over the past few years when it comes to parenting and learning more about ADHD. I know, too, that there are a lot of moms out there who are experiencing similar things. Can you talk to us about what you’ve been through?
My husband and I have been on a very long journey these past few years trying to get control of bad behavior with both of our children. This has affected everything: home life, classroom settings, caregivers, and even summer camps. No one likes to see their children suffer. It became such a problem that we needed to seek medical attention. This behavior was beginning to have real life consequences that would affect our family as a whole. Long story short, our children both have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). We have seen lots of different doctors, psychiatrists, and psychologists trying to find the best route to help the boys. It hasn’t been easy between insurance and finding the most capable professionals in the field, but we have finally found “our people” for now.
I’ve watched you guys fight for your boys, through all the ups and downs, all the tears and the victories. Your stamina has inspired me!
Thank you, and it’s really an ongoing journey, but I feel like the kids are finally set up for success currently. Evan has gone from C’s and D’s to A’s and B’s in just one quarter of school. He gets along much better with his peers because he is able to control his impulses. Mason is currently using an IEP and is slowly catching up to the other students in his grade.
THAT IS AWESOME!!! I know that it hasn’t been easy, but look at how far they have come!
Yes — God has been teaching me patience. I prayed for it, and He gave me ALL opportunities to be patient. Boy have I made mistakes. So many mistakes. I am a work in progress myself. God has been diligently chipping away at me to make me a better mother.
Do you have any general words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?
I have been looking forward to this question. Ever since I was asked to write for Texting the Truth, God has been handing me material. I mean bombarding me with it! Sometimes He is not so subtle.
I’ve learned that negative self talk is so damaging to your soul. It doesn’t come from God because God is love. We as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves, and society won’t let you get away with a thing. People spout judgement, and they always seem to know exactly what you “should” have done to stop this.
However, I am not the creator of these unique individuals who are my sons. Yes, I grew them in my womb, but God knitted them to be who they were going to be. Believe it or not, God made me the perfect mother for these boys. I have been called to be their shepherd, not their Creator. I have had to come to terms with what I have control of and what I do not. We as parents make mistakes just as our parents did with us. When our children do it, we tell them, it’s OK to make mistakes because that is how we learn. Why is it that we don’t take that same advice? Do we shame our children when they keep making the same mistakes over and over? Well, let’s be honest, sometimes I do; but I’m working on that. Does it mean I love my children any less and I’m going to give up on them? Of course not. This is the way our God the Father feels about us.
Matthew 11:28-30 says. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
You cannot control everything. When we try we set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. Give it to God and trust in the Lord with all your heart.
Do you have anything else you would like to add?
If you are a mother and are struggling with the symptoms of ADHD or know love or care for a child with ADHD, please watch this video. ADHD: Essential Ideas for Parents by Dr. Russell Barkley, one of the leading professionals in the field. Get yourself an education that way you don’t feel like a fish out of water at that IEP meeting. If you need support please visit www.CHADD.org for information and resources. There are groups on Facebook and even real live people in your area that can offer advice and encouragement. Become the expert on what you are working with.
This is what I have learned from this whole journey. I am a great mom. I’m not a perfect mom, but I am a mom in progress.
Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post? Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!