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Tag Archives: approval

Mom Win Wednesday: Jo Perkins

3 / 21 / 18

Michelle
Michelle

Hi Jo! Welcome to the blog today!

Michelle
Jo

Hello! I thought I’d share a picture so you can get to know me better. ☺

This picture was taken after work one evening. My son Nolan and I were playing and he actually asked to take a picture with me. That in and of itself was a mom win for a mom of a boy! My son is four and goes a mile-a-minute, so for him to slow down long enough for a cute selfie, I was pleased! I also like that I still have on his sticker from the day at preschool. He usually takes his sticker off his own shirt “for being good” and puts it on me to reassure me that I, too, was a good mom that day (even though we have not yet spent much time together, since I was at work all day and am just picking him up when he does this). *sigh* This picture represents unconditional love to me.

This second picture is a selfie taken the night of my 34th birthday.

My husband always makes me feel so loved on special days, and this was no exception.

Michelle
Michelle

Aw, those photos are so sweet! And I love when my girls actually ask to take photos too, so never fear, it’s not just limited to boys to run away from the camera when mom gets it out. ?

Do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] Mom Hat?

Michelle
Jo

Lots of hats…mom, wife, friend, resident crazy lady, teacher-leader, mentor, prayer person at church, recent weight loss surgery patient, and doctoral student.

You can find me here and here or I am on Instagram and Twitter as @perkinspieces. I am also a proud wife to a metal detectorist / fisherman / outdoor man. I am a “dirt widow,” meaning we spend time together when it is raining. ?

Michelle
Michelle

Wow, I want to hear more about your hubby, the metal detectorist! And I bet you pray for rain more than me. ? Tell us about your son.

Michelle
Jo

I have one son, Nolan, who is four, and his fur-brother Cooper is also four. Cooper is a rescue dog, part collie, part golden retriever…a Gollie, if you will. Nolan is a miracle baby. I never thought I would get married, let alone get pregnant and have a healthy baby boy! Praise God. Nolan is very energetic and curious. He goes to Montessori preschool and he’ll always be the oldest in his class. He is already very tall, so that should be interesting! I love that he loves books and writing already. He is a big fan of Paw Patrol, Hot Wheels, all things outdoors (we live in a lake community), Coco, and Ninja Turtles. I am thankful Nolan also loves God in his own way and enjoys his time in church.

Michelle
Michelle

So sweet! And we also have the Paw Patrol fever over here too! What is a recent mom win you experienced that took time and perseverance to accomplish?

Michelle
Jo

A recent mom win I experienced was finally feeling confident enough to face the journey of motherhood even though I am motherless. My mom passed away on Mother’s Day 2017, but before then we were estranged for two years. Before 2015, we had a very strained relationship.

So, when I got married and set to work on making my life, I looked to my elders at church for guidance on wifedom and motherhood, not my biomom. This journey began seven years ago when I met my husband. God has done a work in me where I had to lay down my fear of man, particularly the fear of judgment and the desperate need for approval. Not having such a central figure in my life–a mother or a father–made me even more reliant on my Abba father to fill all the crevices and scars like only His reckless love can.

Like the song says, “I couldn’t earn it; I don’t deserve it; still You give yourself away…oh the overwhelming, all consuming, reckless love of God.” As I sought that acceptance and love from Him and hid in His shadow, I slowly gained my own confidence to face the day through His strength. The more secure I became in my identity as His daughter, the less I worried about being “good enough” for my husband or my son or whoever.

So, when I learned that my mother was terminally ill, I had to make the gut wrenching decision to see her and say goodbye. I was able not only to share God’s love with her, I was able to thank her for the things she taught me: to work really hard, to be a good friend, and to have fun. I hope she learned a little about humility, a little about kindness, and most of all, a little about Jesus from me. Although I know nothing about proper homekeeping and momming, I do know a great God whose love washes over a multitude of things, and I work each day to show my son a mother who worships, a mother who serves, and a mother who cares.

Michelle
Michelle

Wow, it sounds like you have really done the work on your own heart so that you can be the most emotionally healthy mama you can be by God’s grace. Thank you for sharing all that you’ve been learning.

What is a mom win that you would text your best friend?

Michelle
Jo

This week I texted my best friends about NOT CRYING at work. Sometimes that is a big win for me. Just making it a whole week at work or at home without bursting into tears is a big deal for me, because I tend to worry. When I find myself doing that, I try to shift my thinking into showing others love or even texting friends verses or encouragement I need to hear too.

Like…Matthew 6:25-27: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (NIV)

Michelle
Michelle

I have definitely found when I am having a sad day that giving encouragement and truth to my friends who may be also going through hard times really lifts my spirits. Speaking of, any words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

Michelle
Jo

Find your “people” and hold on to them for dear life. I am a “Greys Anatomy” fan from the days of “you are my person.” I have several I am blessed to call “my person” that are mine in a crisis or just when I need someone to be ridiculous with over a cup of coffee. I cannot think of anything more encouraging to share other than this: LADIES, HUG YOUR PEOPLE.

Thank God for my husband and my girl friends who pick me up off the floor when my instincts are to beat myself up and put myself down. They are my rocks who remind me when I am being too stubborn to rest in His promises. I am learning as a mom to just be HONEST. The world wants us to filter everything. The gospel has no filter. God’s best for our lives does not include curated Instagram squares, moms. God’s best is full of the mess I am often scared to tell the truth about, but I know I will feel better once I do. I know I will learn more about God’s character and myself when I let loose and find rest in the midst of chaos. Everyone does not have to behave for us to be happy. Here I come with another song lyric: “Your power at work in me / I’m broken gracefully / I’m strong when I am weak / I will be free.”

Be encouraged in your brokenness, because I know all of our broken pieces can be turned into something beautiful if we choose to place them in God’s hands each day.

Michelle
Michelle

Amen and amen, Jo! Thank you for sharing that beautiful truth. I think so often we don’t want to present our messiness to God but like you said, He wants that so much more that our perfectly packaged lives. And thank goodness for that!

Michelle

You may not have qualified for the Olympics, but you certainly deserve a spot on the podium in our eyes. There are no “perfect scores” in motherhood, but if you had a discipline breakthrough, managed a middle school meltdown, or found time in your day to pursue a dream, then we want to take a moment and celebrate alongside you. Even the little “victories” add up to be big wins in the long run; so let’s champion each other–after all, we’re on the same team. If you know of a mom who you recommend, let us know!

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Fighting the Lies that Social Media Can Feed Us

3 / 5 / 171 / 22 / 18

Jessica
Jessica

I have been struggling with feeling rejected lately and I’m having a hard time pulling myself out of that yucky place.

Jessica
Michelle
Michelle

I am sorry. I have been there and I know what you mean–it can feel like you’ve fallen in a pit and don’t know how you’re going to get out!

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Me too, girl! It’s easy to slip into that feeling sometimes. What started it?

Anna
Jessica
Jessica

It’s a combination of a lot of things, but it all came to a head when I saw a picture posted the other week of a group of women I would consider friends and acquaintances out having fun together.

Jessica
Anna
Anna

Ouch! That hurts!

Anna
Jessica
Jessica

I am ashamed to even admit that I spent far too long looking at that picture, analyzing the friendships of each of the women, wondering how certain people got invited and I didn’t.

Jessica
Michelle
Michelle

Oh man, I’m glad to know I am not the only one although I hate you have felt this way too. A situation like that totally kicks up my insecurities and I begin wondering, “What is wrong with me?” and “What do they have that I don’t?”

Michelle
Jessica
Jessica

Yes!  All from a simple picture!! ? The saddest part is when I saw this picture, I was in another state on vacation with my family.  I wouldn’t have even been in town to go to the gathering had I been invited!  I should have been focused on my family and appreciating the special memories we were making.

Jessica
Anna
Anna

But I get it! You still want to get the invitation in the first place, or for someone to say they missed you not being there.

Anna
Jessica
Jessica

Absolutely, because I felt rejected, even though no one truly rejected me.  It seems like the more people I meet and socialize with, the more this rejection issue pops up for me.

Jessica
Michelle
Michelle

Have you been able to figure out if there is a pattern to when you feel most rejected? When I have an overreaction like this, I have started to ask God to help me see what’s underneath all of it. Is there a lie I am believing about myself or about God?

Michelle
Jessica
Jessica

I haven’t really ever thought too much about it because I just try to hide from the feelings in whatever way I can, but I really think I do need to start taking this issue to God in those moments.

Jessica
Michelle
Michelle

Yeah, it’s really been helping me to invite God into it. The other day someone I admire kinda blew me off. I was asking God, “Why does this bother me so much?” And I felt like He told me that I didn’t need her approval/friendship to be complete. (DUH.) So many times I have looked to relationships in my life to tell me I was enough and I felt like just the other day I realized that this person giving me the time of day or not doesn’t need to affect my self-worth.

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Totally agree! ? I’ve been in the same boat for sure. God has been speaking to me a LOT lately about self-worth and validation, actually. It’s been a theme. I hate that it’s been a theme, in a way, because it’s like — how old am I? Am I really still back to this topic? But I think more women struggle with it than we think. ESPECIALLY with social media involved.

Anna
Jessica
Jessica

Oh, it totally makes me feel like I’m in high school! I think I may need to take some time away from social media.  It doesn’t seem like a healthy place for me.

Jessica
Michelle
Michelle

I think this is such a personal decision about what works best for each of us. For me, I am just really trying to remind myself of where my security comes from before I even hop on social media.

Michelle
Jessica
Jessica

That’s a good idea as well.  I want to live in my life instead of wishing I could be in someone else’s.  I want to appreciate what I have been given instead of trying to figure out how I can get something else.  I want to live in the comfort of knowing God loves me instead of looking to others to validate my worth.  

Jessica
Anna
Anna

Yes! I do too! I am learning that with all of these desires, it starts with me going back to God and asking him to tell me the truth about who He is and who I am. And then no matter what I see on social media, nothing and no one will be able to shake that.

Anna

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

    • “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6: 19-20, NLT)

Music to inspire you:

    • “As Sure as the Sun” by Ellie Holcomb 
    • “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns 
    • “Live Like Your Loved” by Hawk Nelson

Readings to come alongside of you:

    • “Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.”  Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
    • “It’s easy to scroll and surf through postings – where people upload the beautiful, successful, shiny sides of life – and quickly get a jilted notion that maybe we’re not quite keeping up. We feel small.  Unnoticed.  Incapable.  One day I realized I had to stop looking at things spotlighting others’ successes until I had a better way of processing them.  Until I could look at others and genuinely celebrate their lives without feeling anything but joy for them.  I had to starve my scarcity thinking.”  Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
    • “It’s not deciding in my mind, I deserve to be loved. Or manipulating my heart to feel loved. It’s settling in my soul, I was created by God, who formed me because He so much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved. Therefore, I can bring the atmosphere of love into every situation I face. I don’t have to wait for it, hope for it, or try to earn it. I simply bring the love I want. Then I’m not so tempted to flirt with the world, hoping for approval, because I have the real thing with God. And I’m not nearly as likely to fall into perceiving rejection that isn’t really there, because I’m not starving for affection. I am loved. This should be the genesis thought of every day. Not because of how terrific I am. God doesn’t base His thoughts toward me on my own fragile efforts. No, God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live…loved.”  Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
    • A Social Media Heart Check by Kim Cash Tate
    • For the Days When You Totally Feel Like the Uncool Kid Again by Jennifer Dukes Lee
    • Alone in a Crowded Room by Lysa TerKeurst

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

    • This is a very personal decision, but I have had a really good experience with taking a social media fast.  When I find myself spending my thoughts on others’ lives in an unhealthy way, I know it’s time to take a huge step back.  Even just taking a few days away from social media can help reset my heart.
    • Invite God to join you when you check your social media pages.  He can help define who you are when it is so very easy to let social media determine that definition.
    • When you find yourself struggling to realize your worth because of perceived rejection, spend some time reading over Psalm 139 to see how God views you.  You are a wonderful creation.

 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.

In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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