Ok, can I be honest? I kinda envisioned a lot of motherhood being where you hang out with your group of mom friends at each other’s houses, swap babysitting, make dinner for each other, and basically live life closely together. Maybe like a mix between Sister Wives and Anne of Green Gables? ?
Same here! I think I expected my “mom” friendships to be similar to my college friendships and I think the thing I miss the most about living under one roof with a group of my closest girlfriends is feeling known on so many heart levels. ?
Yes! It is much harder to feel known when you’re just trying to keep your family afloat. The time and energy to reach out to other moms can feel as thin as my patience some days. ?
Agreed. Sometimes reaching out to another mama is the *last* thing I have energy for, despite how badly I need it. And it’s been especially stretching since moving to a new state. There have been many times over the last year that I’ve had to sincerely pray for God to bring those close friendships and that sense of belonging. ?
It is really nice to know I am not the only one! I remember each move I made asking God to bring friends that I could connect with. But moving here being pregnant and now being a mom has made it really difficult to find the time to invest in friendships, and as a result, feel that belonging you mention.
Developing new, close friendships in this season of motherhood is unique, isn’t it? And it doesn’t help that social media can paint a very different picture. It can seem that everybody else has their “tribe” except me.??? Although I know that isn’t true. And people may feel the same way after scrolling through my feed…
I totally agree with that! ??? On the positive side though, I will say the struggle has caused me to rely more on God.
Yes. Reliance.? And I don’t want to miss that. While this year has felt lonely at times, I’ve relied on God more than I did when I had a group of close girlfriends to lean on. God and I have had some pretty real heart-to-hearts this year. And while they haven’t always been easy, it’s been good to pour out my heart to Him with my needs. Even though I’m not always being pursued by a new friend, I AM being pursued by God. (Speaking truth to myself right here.? )
Honestly, I think if I truly let that truth fill my heart, I would feel a deeper sense of belonging. ? What an amazing thought that God pursues us even when we don’t feel pursued by friends or even our husbands. In a strange way, this makes me think of my last week. My girls were down with the flu? and I couldn’t leave our house or bring anyone in. I was feeling pretty tired and lonely.
Aw, I wish we lived closer. I would have loved to bring you a latte. Cabin fever with sick kiddos is so hard.
That definitely would have been the high point in the day. ? But you know what? My relationship with God deepened even more last week…because I couldn’t turn to anyone else but Him. He literally sustained me every minute of every day and night. Through that experience, I also felt like God reminded me that He loves when we spread the warmth from our closeness with Him to others. And to keep my eyes open to those who need to be warmed up. ?
So it sounds like I should have brought you that coffee. It could have been a tangible picture of sharing warmth with you. ☕️ And a reminder that we are all, at different times, needing a friend to help ease the burden. You have me thinking of how I can reach out to other women in small ways, even *in* the waiting for close friendship. I mean, if I’m going to swing through the Starbucks drive-through regardless, why not pick up that extra latte for someone else too? ?
Such a good thought, and I think that would make someone’s day! ☕️ I think a big part of friendship is just taking the initiative to reach out even if we are not sure what to do or how it will be received, you know?
I know that feeling well, and I’m reminded of a time last fall when a friend unexpectedly left dinner on my front porch after a really long week with my boys. It was one of the most tangible ways I’ve felt loved as mom of littles.
That is so incredibly sweet. I love how God uses people in our lives to show us how much He loves us. God has been reminding me recently that He wants me to invite Him into the empty spaces of my heart and let Him fill them up with His warmth and love. ?
That’s a good reminder as we start a new week. I find that only when I invite God to fill those empty spaces am I left with anything extra to pour out.
YES. And now I’m thinking about that hot coffee again. I am going to find a mama this week who need some encouragement and bring her some warmth in a cup. ☕️
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62: 5-8, NIV)
- “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.” (Psalm 33:20-22, NIV)
Music to inspire you:
- Waiting Here for You by Christy Nockels
- Hello Lord by Sara Groves
- While I’m Waiting by John Wailer
Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
- Univited:Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely by Lysa TerKeurst
- Never Unfriended, by Lisa-Jo Baker
- Craving Connection: 30 Challenges for Real Life Engagement, by (in)courage
Related Posts on Texting The Truth:
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- Start by talking to God and telling Him what you need…friendships or maybe something different. We love how Psalm 62 says, “pour out your heart to Him.”
- Keep a notebook/journal on your counter to jot down things you are thankful for each day, or ways that you saw the Lord care for you. Sometimes in the waiting, it’s the only way to keep persevering – by remembering that He’s been faithful in the past and He’ll be faithful in the future too.
- If you’re making a big dinner and have any leftovers, leave them with a neighbor, acquaintance, or friend. Be bold! Even if they don’t need dinner, they will be really touched by the gesture.
- Did you notice on social media that a friend is solo parenting or home with sick kiddos? Spread God’s warmth to them through a hot cup of joe or yummy treat. Remind them they are not alone.
- Reach out to a MOPS group in your area. Sometimes we have to take a step out of our comfort zones to find our belonging place.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}