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Tag Archives: choose joy

Thieves of Joy

11 / 25 / 2011 / 25 / 20

The seasons change, children grow, gray hair appears all the more, and tragedies do not stop just because we have an added layer of masking and elections.  Our writers have been richly blessed but deeply reminded of our frailty during 2020.  We are all surviving by God’s grace through various hardships further complicated by COVID 19.  All this begs the question: How in the world can we cling to God’s grace when humanity rears its ugly head? 

In my family, for instance, we just went through a disrupted adoption.  We survived by holding onto God’s love in the midst of broken systems, violence, trauma, and unspeakable loss.  Honestly, my loss as a mother is unspeakable.  My hubby and I are both only children and started our parenting journey miraculously easily considering our health history.  We were satisfied with just our one beautiful boy.  But then, we lost our parents, my uncle, my grandmother, one after the other, and we thought our son should have a sibling.  Little did we know that the process would bring even  more loss.  

I can barely write about how much it hurts to miscarry multiple times, work on an adoption license for a year, find who we believed would be our daughter, love her fiercely, and then discover we are just not who she needs as her forever family.  I am not sure how to write the anger I feel toward the system that failed us, the fear I have for her future, and the sadness I feel that we failed.  What has come out of me has been those little nasty habits.  

I buried these painful feelings deep and mostly went through the motions steeled with poise, a screwed on smile, and a neatly written to do list.  I marched on in order to protect my son, my husband, myself, and her. Maintaining Mama Bear resolve required God’s supernatural strength. I felt Him leading me every step, but now I am so tired from the let down. 

Can I tell you some more of my truth?  2020 has revealed deeper layers of my sin, which makes me feel exposed and often ashamed of myself.  I have had to eat crow on many fronts and apologize daily to my husband.  My temper can still be short, and I have had to physically cry out to God to help me in my time of need.  I realize now that my nastiest patterns of bad behavior come out through knee-jerk reactions when our backs are against the wall.  So repentance requires a habit of praying for forgiveness every. single. time.  Repenting from pride, control, ambition, and jealousy has required me to continually turn back to God (and to folks who will tell me the truth, not just what I want to hear).  

At my worst, I am terrible about comparing myself to other people.  I am given to jealousy.  I focus on the little criticisms rather than accentuating the positives.  I want to fixate on the past and hold a grudge.  How can I choose to pause and pray when my own ugliness comes out?  I need my Teddy Roosevelts who will remind me that I am letting Thieves of Joy like comparison rob me.  Because as Laura said in her four year anniversary post, we need each other.  

Are any of your hearts hurting like mine?  We have posted far less often since March, because we have frankly been surviving, just like many of you.  I, for one, have allowed some Thieves of Joy to rob me of my writing: comparison on social media scrolls, mindless TV shows, and sleeping in have robbed me of deeper times with God and you all.  But, now is the time for gratitude. Now is the time to realize that although we have lost much, we are thankful for all we still have.  If you come out stronger, have the Thieves of Joy really stolen much? If you come out with your marriage, career, and healthy child intact, does that not show God’s faithfulness? 

As we enter Thanksgiving and Christmastime, I want to turn again toward God and truthseekers.  I want to take back what sin has stolen. I want to speak joy and truth rather than hover over my losses and anger from 2020.  One joy I find is in reading, and recently I stumbled on this quote from Jenna Bush Hager’s beloved Gampy in her new book: “Don’t forget to enjoy being in the game.”  Let’s pray: Lord, please show us Your glory in the midst of ugliness.  Do not let us allow Thieves of Joy to rob us from enjoying the game we are called to play here on Earth.  Be our ever present help. Give us supernatural energy.  Be the joy we speak each day.  In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

To all our readers who have been personally affected by COVID-19, we have been praying for you.  Other members of our TtT writing team have gone through moving homes, job changes, surgeries, and supporting family members through divorce.  What have you been going through, Mamas?  What have been some of your survival tools? Send a DM so we can specifically pray for you.  The writing team prays every Friday morning to text it out together.  

Love, Jo

Soaking in the Truth 

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1, ESV)
  • “But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to You. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’” (Jonah 2:9, NIV)
  • “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.” (Psalm 28:7, ESV)

Music to inspire you:

  • “Shine” by Dolly Parton
  • “Isn’t He” by Natalie Grant
  • “Landslide” by The Chicks  

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to try:

Practically speaking, here are my best three tips for stealing back your joy: 

  • Say “it” out loud to your Teddies, whatever you’ve been keeping inside, and let them speak truth back to you. 
  • Plan time for something you enjoy and put it on your calendar so you keep your promise to yourself to really do it. 
  • Let yourself feel negative emotions.  Just because we are leaders as moms does not mean we are not allowed to show more than a happy face.  Find a way to safely let your sadness, anger, grief, jealousy, or hurt out of you.

Resources to come alongside you:

  • Brene Brown Podcast 
  • Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts Website
  • Replanted: Faith Based Support for Adoptive & Foster Families Book 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.  In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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Moms in Progress: Danelle Bernard

6 / 20 / 196 / 20 / 19

Virginia

Today, I’m excited to chat with Danelle Bernard.

Danelle

Thanks for having me!

Virginia

Can you share of picture with us of your family and tell us a bit about it?

Danelle


We were on a family vacation in Hawaii last year for my hubby’s 50th birthday.

Virginia

Hawaii looks lovely! Tell us about your kiddos.

Danelle

We have 3 girls, ages 17, 14, and 9. They are as different as night and day.

Virginia

I understand that. My two are completely different. It’s funny how that happens.

Do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] mom hat?

Danelle

I just completed a stint as PTO president and I help with our church curriculum and a greeter. I also launched a embroidery/vinyl business after nine years of child-rearing. It was nice to take a break. I’ve loved creating gifts for friends over the years but life became too hectic as the girls grew older and I enjoyed just having a hobby. A lot of moms go back to work when the kids are in school, but I am blessed to be home to help after school, have ice cream dates with my girls and volunteer. Plus, my husband travels frequently with his job.

Virginia

Hobbies are important; it’s relaxing to do something you love.

What is your favorite book, podcast, or blog?

Danelle

I struggle with ADHD so retaining anything I’m reading is a real challenge. The Jesus Calling devotional by Sara Young is perfect for me because it’s bite sized. I can read something this year and it doesn’t resonate but then the next year it might be exactly what I needed to read.

Virginia

That is such a great devotional!

What is your favorite mom product?

Danelle

I use a Contigo water bottle. I fill it up and take it with me all the time. Staying hydrated is about as healthy as I get.

Virginia

Glad to know you’re hydrated! ?

What is the last thing you made for dinner or your favorite simple meal to throw together?

Danelle

Salmon burgers

Virginia

That sounds yummy and healthy, too. Would you mind sharing a recent experience that has challenged your mothering?

Danelle

Each age level creates new mothering challenges. This past year I had a senior, a freshman, and a fourth grader. Each girl is at a new level of responsibility. My biggest worry is my middle who has ADHD and Aspergers’. She has a hard time communicating and as a high schooler she has really got to learn to take charge.

Virginia

In light of that challenge, what is a victory (small or large) that you could share to encourage others in a similar situation?

Danelle

I was on my freshman’s Google account and read an email exchange with one of her teachers. She initiated the conversation because she was having trouble with an assignment. I was in tears because I was so proud! #1 – She asked for help! Sweet Jesus! My oldest dreads doing it and she doesn’t have a learning disability, just pride. #2 – Her teacher responded in a positive way to encourage her to convey her knowledge in a different format than the original assignment. Most teachers are so bombarded with all the work they have to keep up with that accommodating a student is a challenge. This teacher used it to his advantage by asking her to help lead a conversation in class in exchange for not having to do the troublesome assignment.

Virginia

Sounds like a win-win situation. Great job encouraging her to take charge!

What is the funniest thing your kids have said or done recently?

Danelle

My 9 year old is currently worried that she might have sniffed her nasal spray too hard. She worries A LOT!

Virginia

Haha. ?

Do you have any general words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

Danelle

Stay positive. I used to be such a negative person. If I were still a negative person, everyone’s life would be miserable. Life is short and each day is a treasure. I lost my brother when I was 16 and he was 20 and I became an only child. I saw my parents experience loss with such grace and humility. He was a gift from God, if only for 20 years. Children aren’t ours. I’ve seen loss up close since then as well. I just try to remind myself perspective is everything and life is a gift. Sometimes you just go get ice cream with your family for no reason. Sometimes you look through old photos and share stories. Sometimes you have dance parties when the kids should be going to bed. Choose to have a happy heart.

Virginia

I love that! “Choose to have a happy heart” should be everyone’s goal.

Do you have anything else you would like to add?

Danelle

Sometimes eat dessert first. Sometimes you just have to throw the kids off a little by doing fun things out of nowhere. They’ll probably think your off your rocker, but it’s good to keep them guessing. 🙂

Virginia

Eat dessert first. I’m going to try that one tonight! Thanks for sharing, Danelle.

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post?  Just click here (or the image above) and answer a few questions including the details of your story.  We will do the rest.

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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