Tag Archives: Ecclesiastes

Turn Your Gratitude into the Courage to Tear and Mend

No matter what is on your plate as this Thanksgiving approaches, as Moms we need to find strength for inevitable tearing and mending during the holidays.  Sometimes tearing or disrupting false peace means speaking up at a family gathering and asking everyone to stop bickering, leave politics off the table, or to not comment on anyone’s weight.  Other times, mending looks like being sure all the family members are included during the day, or setting aside your own hurts and hangups in favor of bringing your whole authentic self to the day.  This takes incredible courage.  So, how can we do it, mamas?

When we encounter the need to tear or mend in our lives, we must first harness gratitude to build our courage.  When we give thanks for all the good before entering into a potential conflict, it helps us realize how much we stand to gain and how we are already overflowing.  When we act from a posture of gratitude, we can stand to lose a little ground if it means the opportunity to fight for authenticity in our lives.

Psalm 85:10 (ESV) says, “Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.”  Is it possible that love and faithfulness meet at the intersection of gratitude and conflict?  Maybe the bridge to peace is righteousness, which requires the courage to speak up for what is true and right, no matter the cost.

Recently, I have had to find strength to stand up for myself and others, and do a bit of tearing or disrupting false peace.   On the surface, life seemed fine and normal, but in my soul, I knew I had to take a stand.  Have you been there?  To get through that season, I had to take time to list out my gratitude; talking through it helped me find courage to do what needed to be done.  I called my best friends or texted them often, reminding myself through those conversations to choose to be grateful for my loved ones, my security, my health, and even my educational training.  And then, just like the dad in the movie “We Bought a Zoo,” all I needed was twenty seconds of courage to tear down the walls.

Even so, when I disrupt the false peace, I am immediately terrified every time.  My mind reels, “What have I done? I opened a can of worms that could not be returned to said can. Was it worth it?” Truth: Absolutely it was worth it. Because you know what came next? The mending.  No matter how hard the conflict or confrontation is, when I rely on gratitude to find courage, I am never left at a loss. I felt a rush of peace and renewed energy to let God mend relationships in my life.

The Bible says in Matthew 5 (NIV), The Beatitudes,  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall inherit the Earth.”  To get to peacemaking, we have to first tear down the barriers to peace, which often include a sense of false peace or literal facades.  I visualize the niceties or placating in a family as layered Stucco over beautiful original brick.  To me, sharing the beauty of exposed brick is worth the discomfort of tearing the wall.

The Bible believes tearing is beautiful too.  In fact, did you know the Bible refers to “tearing” upwards of sixty times?  At times, tearing refers to God’s judgment, mercy, grief, or big heart change (repentance).  In each case, tearing represents a stark contrast.  The best part of this image of tearing to me is how God has always honored our courage to be honest and different from business as usual.  Even back when the Bible was written people were still putting up walls, facades, and trying to cover up the truth. Some things never change.

So, take courage, mamas.  Peacemakers do not have to be peacekeeping doormats this Thanksgiving. Isn’t that great news? We should feel empowered and take courage in our tearing and mending.  Jesus said in Matthew 10:34 (NIV), “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but to be a sword.”

When we make peace instead of trying to keep the peace or be the peace, we also are like a sword (or a sewing needle) in God’s hands.  Mending requires sharpness, doesn’t it?  In my life, mending requires authenticity, vulnerability, and true love, care, and concern.  And even if you do not have massive drama you’re facing, let yourself be free and fully present during the holiday without the pressure to perform. No walls, just exposed brick for all to see.

Let us pray Philippians 1:20 (NIV) as a mantra as we approach our upcoming holiday, “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”

And finally:
Let gratitude sink deep into your soul this Thanksgiving.
Harness your gratitude into courage for bringing authenticity into your moments.
It is okay to disrupt false peace.
God is pleased when we tear and mend.

?Written by Jo Perkins

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • Ecclesiasties 3:1, 6a (NIV), “There is a time to tear and a time to mend.”
  • Matthew 5 (NIV), The Beatitudes  “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall inherit the Earth.”
  • Matthew 10:34 (NIV), “Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but to be a sword.”
  • Philippians 1:20 (NIV), “I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.”
  • Psalm 85:10 (ESV), “Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other.”

Music to inspire you:

  • River of Grace by Christy Nockels: “You weren’t meant to carry such a load. Lay it down, and we can watch it go down the river of grace.”
  • Just for Now by Kelly Clarkson: “It’s that time of year  | Leave all our hopelessnesses aside | If just for a little while | Tears stop right here | I know we’ve all had a bumpy ride | I’m secretly on your side.”

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazerro
  • Nothing to Prove by Jennie Allen
  • Podcast to try – In This Together (Dr. Josh and Christi Straub)  They are so real together, and I love learning anything deeper about emotional safety and the four walls of a safe house.  Their mission is to grow kids who “live, love, and lead well.” How can we resist that goal? I am all the way here for their teaching. They can help you keep it real and faith-filled this holiday season.

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • On your placecards if you are hosting Thanksgiving, why not use this verse as a reminder to your guests? You could also write it in your hostess’s card when you bring her a gift. Acts 2:46 (NIV), “They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts.”
  • When you need to have hard conversations, it is okay to create a Note in your phone or text yourself reminders of what you need to say. I often use my old fashioned journal too.
  • Take time for creative reflection, whether that is writing, drawing, coloring, painting, yoga, dance, or just watching a movie for adults, not kids! As moms, we need to carve space for ourselves to be our first names, not just Mom, Mama, or Mommy!
  • Audible free trial – Whiskey in a Teacup (Reese Witherspoon)  I just finished listening to her book, and she brightened my mood on my morning and evening commute. I love that it was Reese of “Legally Blonde” and “Sweet Home Alabama” talking to me through my car speakers. She is worth your first credit in the free trial! Lots of tips and tricks for entertaining too.

Treasured Product we love:

  • Essential Oil Diffusing can be a great way to create calm in your home.  The diffusers and oils can be purchased at Walmart, Target, Amazon, or most pharmacies. If you need a little practical mending mood-setting, turn on your diffuser. Eucalyptus and Lavender are my favorites.
  • Have you ever used Shutterfly to make a family photo album or a special gift? I upload my Instagram photos and use those to make my Christmas cards and yearly scrapbook.  There are great deals right now.
  • Try to memorize one Bible verse a month, so you can recite it to yourself during hard moments. I use a paper calendar from Dayspring that has a memory verse for each month (I found mine a Hobby Lobby on sale, but this is the same one with a different design).  Carrying God’s word with me at work and in everyday life bolsters my strength for tearing and mending.

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

Totally Worth It: Scattering and Gathering Stones

Victory. I experienced it this past week. And if you knew our history, you’d know why this is so monumental.

My ten-year-old son told me he wants to marry a girl like me someday. He proceeded to list all the reasons why. “Cuz Mama, you’re beautiful, and you’re a great wife to Daddy, and you’re godly, and you’re a hard worker, and you’re the best mama…” And this coming from a kid who normally only talks about Star Wars, guns, knives, Legos, historical facts and his latest money-making business idea (cookie baking is the present one… so far he’s made $7!).

My son gets his love of history honestly though. A passion for history was ignited in me when my tenth grade history teacher taught it as though he experienced the battles and knew the people.

I love that our part of Ohio is rich in history and I particularly love the old stone walls. If you look closely, they can tell a story.

I’ve spent time observing these beautiful walls, and in many ways, building walls reminds me of motherhood. Stone by stone, I am building a masterpiece. It may not always feel like a masterpiece, but as I invest into each of my children’s lives, something beautiful is being created. There are different seasons where growth and building takes place. There are some seasons that I am clearing stones away, getting rid of things that hinder growth and smoothing the path for building. As I work to scatter the hindering stones, I know there will come a season where I am collecting new stones. Maybe it’s gathering a tidbit of wisdom from an older mom, or learning how to speak encouragement into my child in a way he completely understands. And it’s all with the ultimate goal of seeing God build a beautiful masterpiece together.

As I look back over the length of my motherhood journey, my “wall”, I see the progress I have made, and breathe a deep breath, appreciating the rugged beauty. It hasn’t been easy, clearing the path and gathering the stones to build. The stones have been heavy and rough, and sometimes my hands bled and my back has ached from the hard work of carrying them. At times it has been very painful and I’ve wanted to give up. I’m thankful for the progress though and I’m glad I didn’t give up when the going was tough.

Along with my sense of accomplishment, there is an overwhelming thankfulness for God’s never-ending faithfulness. He is always good. We still have a long way to go, but we can see all the stones in the wall in our parenting journey, each representing a milestone or victory. Although it isn’t perfect, and my wall differs from the one down the road, I am thankful for the stones of sin God has helped me remove and stones of truth He has helped me find along the way.

As I reflect on my motherhood journey thus far, I allow my mind to go back to each stone that has built my wall and what it represents. I see a place that some may not even notice. But I know it’s there.

That small dip in the landscape is where I had to dig out a huge rock that was impeding the building of the wall. The giant stone was fear. Fear gripped my heart every night for several weeks as I pondered what to do with our son. He was angry and unkind and often emotionally out of control, and we needed God’s wisdom in a bad way. Often I would silently cry and let my thoughts run rampant, choosing after a time to cast my burdens on the Lord as sleep would find me once again.

That massive rock, partially buried under the grass and leaves, had to be dug out and moved away before we could continue building. Unfortunately, it didn’t get very far away from the wall, and if you look on the backside, you’ll see where it lies. Sometimes fear still creeps in and I have to ask God help me find victory again. That stone was just one of many barriers to growth that had to be cast away. Stones of selfishness, pride, anger, and unbelief were also in the way of building our wall.

Gazing at the wall, my mind’s eye settles on a slight gap at the top where I couldn’t find the right stone to fill the hole. That was when we were at a standstill with our son. His poor attitude was affecting our whole family. We had tried everything we knew in parenting and we were getting nowhere. In building, we could find no stones for our wall. God would have to show us where to go and what to do.

We searched far and wide for those particular stones, gathering from somewhere I had never been before. After counseling and therapy, I came away with a couple more tools in my mommy toolbox. We had a better knowledge of how our son thought, why he reacted the way he did, and how we could help. God provided the stones for that section of the wall in unfamiliar places. It took more time to gather them and they somehow seemed heavier than the others. The rain has since washed them away, but there were once many tears that splashed down on those stones.

I am jolted from my memories as my son looks at me and smiles, the freckles dancing on his face as slats of sunshine peek over the top of the wall. He has just uttered those sweet, uplifting words that this mama so appreciated hearing. The blood, sweat and tears shed in building our wall to this point are worth it. Totally worth it.

I turn around now and look behind us at the great expanse of land needing yet to be cleared. I think of the stones yet to be gathered as I reach for my son’s hand and whisper a silent prayer of thanks to God for the season we are in. “I love you, Sonny,” I say to the young man standing beside me. We reach down then, lifting a stone from the ground and place it carefully on our wall.

? Janelle Gibbs

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “But cleave unto the Lord your God, as ye have done unto this day.” (Joshua 23:8, KJV)
  • “Rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.” (Colossians 2:7, KJV)
  • “Casting all your cares upon Him, for He careth for you.” (1 Peter 5:7, KJV)
  • “Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.”
    (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51:2‬, ‭KJV)‬
  • “I know that thou canst do everything, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.”
    ‭‭(Job‬ ‭42:2‬, ‭KJV)‬‬
  • ‬“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” (James‬ ‭1:5,‬ ‭KJV)‬‬

Music to inspire you:

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Do you feel like your building has come to a halt? Try to identify what has stopped progress. Is it fear? Is it selfishness, pride, anger, or something else?
  • If you aren’t sure, pray and ask God to reveal it to you.
  • Ask God for the help to “cast away” this stone. Maybe this help comes in the form of therapy, a support group, a book, a song, Scripture, or something completely different.
  • Look for the “truth stones” in your journey. What do you know to be true right now? What are some of God’s promises to you from Scripture?

 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.

In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}