This week we were invited to a play date with some friends we don’t know very well. They had lots of yummy food arranged nicely on the island in the kitchen. For a four-year-old it was a dream come true: chocolate pretzels, gummy worms, trail mix with M&Ms and marshmallows, and chocolate milk to drink. ?
Umm, can I please go to that party?!! ? ? ? ? ?
How fun! Yes, sounds like a play date feast!
As you can imagine, Sophie loved all the treats and kept asking for more of the sugary goodies. And of course, although I kept saying no, it was not going over well. ?
Ohhh…I hate when that happens, especially at a play date when everyone is watching you. What did you do?
Well, after the 10th time of saying no, I decided we should probably gracefully leave so as not to have a meltdown about the appropriate number of gummy worms.
I believe the appropriate number is around 25. ?
Hahaha ?
Ha. I bet you know what happened…I asked Sophie to please say thank you to the host (who was standing with us) and to my horror, she said, “I don’t want to,” in a really whiny voice. ? I told her to sit on the steps and she needed to come say thank you when she was ready. Eventually she mumbled “thank you,” and we walked to our car…
Ah, yes. The loveliest moments seem to happen when we want them to say something NICE to another adult (note the sarcasm)… ?
Right!? I was thinking and praying as we drove away about how to handle this situation and how to cultivate a grateful heart in my girls. We often talk about having a grateful heart in our house but today it made me feel like either we are not communicating it well enough or we need to try a different angle or maybe this is just all part of the age. What have you found to foster gratefulness in your kids??
Oh man. If you figure this one out. Let me know. (I was just going to send that and nothing else, but decided that wasn’t very helpful.) ?
Honestly, this is a hard one. We are struggling with this at my house as well, and I talked to several moms the other day who echoed all of this.
Yes, I know my friends and I have had conversations about this too.
One thing that has sort of helped is I’ve been telling Isaiah, “That is not how we act. When Grammy pushes you on the swing, you say, ‘Thank you, Grammy,’ We don’t whine and fuss because it is over. That makes Grammy feel sad and she won’t want to push you next time if you whine.” Or I tell him, “Try again,” when I don’t feel he’s being really grateful.
I have no idea if this is good parenting or what you’re supposed to say. ? I guess it’s my way of teaching or demonstrating what gratefulness is rather than talking about it. I don’t think he gets it if I talk about it. ?
I totally agree. I have noticed with Sophie if I model how to respond it seems to compute a lot more to her. I guess I just felt like all of the things Sophie and I have talked about flew out the window at that moment and honestly probably the root is that I felt like it was a reflection on me and my parenting. ?
Ugh. There is probably some truth in that.
I used to just be petrified when Ashton or Benjamin were that age, and that kind of thing would happen. I would definitely blame it on myself and wonder what I was doing wrong.
But now, with my third child, I’ve realized that I’m not doing anything wrong. They have their good and bad moments, and they’re just kids being little. Keep doing what you ARE doing. The gratefulness will come in time with maturity, little by little. Keep talking to them about it (it’s not all going out the window, I promise), keep modeling it, like you said.
Hug to you because you ARE SUCH A GOOD MOM! ?
Ah, once again, it sounds like it goes back to balance – modeling but letting go and giving grace. ? Thank you for that perspective.
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- “Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
- “Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-9)
Music to inspire you:
- Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman
Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:
- How to Help Raise Grateful Kids by Ann Voskamp
- Teaching Children to Be Grateful from Parents.com
- Ten Ways to Raise Grateful Kids from Pbs.org
Related Posts on Texting The Truth:
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- No need to reinvent the wheel; there are wonderful suggestions in the articles listed above!
- When your child is not acting like you’ve taught him and you are tempted to react, pause and ask God to help you know if you are bothered by the behavior or how it reflects on you as a parent.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}