Tag Archives: Joanna Perkins

Dream Big, Hope for More, and Don’t Settle

We just got back from an epic family vacation: twelve states later, there we were in our Honda CRV with a bike rack, seven year old son, five toads, one turtle, one dog, and our marriage intact. If that does not inspire a hallelujah, I am not sure what would. We saw Maine, Cape Cod, D.C., and Virginia. Most of all, we saw each other without the obligations of a daily grind or schedule or chores. 

Seventeen months after the lockdown started, I wonder if you’ve been able to have a good rest too. And what’s more: How are your hearts? After a year of Corona plus societal upheaval and more…is your marriage alright? How are the kids? As moms, are we finally coming up for air or simply surviving? Summer is when I allow myself to breathe as a working mom; I know other moms breathe more in fall, but I think it’s so important to take these breaths whenever they come. In July, I am able to slow down and savor moments with my son. I reflect with a cold drink, my toes in the sand, and a book in my hand: a good beach read, to be specific. (Must be fiction and not too complex. Full stop.)

In deeper news, connections with church and true-blue friends seem better than pre-Covid times.  I can’t help but feel that this is all part of God’s plan. He had to take us down to the basics to build us back stronger. If we allowed it, He was pruning us during the past year and a half.  Looking back, I soldiered through the Spring-Fall of 2020, but Winter really pruned me hard. Has this been the same for you?  

In January 2021, I could not settle on a resolution or even a word to carry into the new year, but our pastor helped the congregation and in turn, me, as she laid out business-card-sized “star words” (think North Star guiding the 3 kings). My word was EXAMINE. And boy, did I need to examine myself. I dug deeper into the pieces where the Psalmist cried,  “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” I needed hope that God had blessings and room for me, even when I could not predict the outcomes.

Have you ever heard the wives tale of grabbing the brass rings on a carousel? While on a short ferry ride over to Martha’s Vineyard, we got to visit the “Flying Horses” (oldest carousel in the USA). Usually there was just one brass ring in old-timey carousels, and the child who grabbed it would get a prize such as a free ride or a stuffed animal. This one was different… If you rode a horse on the inner circle, you could grab for rings each time the carousel passed and collect them on a special metal spike coming out of each horse’s mane.  I went into the ride with Holden Caulfield vibes from Catcher in the Rye… but then noticed that everyone was collecting rings not to keep but to give to a girl with special needs on the carousel. Yes, they enjoyed grabbing the rings, but they also felt great giving them to someone who might benefit from them more. Are you catching this metaphor? 

There was more joy in the journey around the bend and grabbing the ring itself than what happened next…in the end, all the rings end up in the return chute and only one person gets the free ride, but everyone…everyone…had the chance to ride that inner circle and grab those rings. Such hope is free to everyone, if you choose to hold on to faith as tight as a horse’s reins. 

What’s more: God is faithful, even still. Whether or not we get the “prize” at the end of whatever carousel we might be on right now: work stuff, child rearing, romance, weight loss, you name it… He is for us. He has been there to hear my cries and dry my tears. Like Proverbs 4, God has been helping me, guiding me, almost audibly reminding me: “Make your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead. Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established.”

As moms, we have to pour out our love even when we feel empty; even when our faith is small and our hope seems scarce; even when we want to look away, down, or just a different direction than straight ahead. But for those of us who have been called to His purpose, take heart and remember Romans 8:28…“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him.”  

While we turn the corner into the second half of 2021 and summer gives way to fall, let us pray: 

Lord, please show us how to best examine ourselves & cleanse our souls so we can grab onto hope. Help us remain as faithful as You are to us.  Help us pour out love with eyes as clear and bright as a kid on a carousel. In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

Love, 

Jo

Soaking in the Truth 

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.” (Psalm 139:5, NIV)
  • “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV) 
  • “Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves.” (2 Corinthians 13:5-6, NIV) 
  • “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.  Don’t let your mouth speak dishonestly, and don’t let your lips talk deviously.  Let your eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead.  Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established.  Don’t turn to the right or to the left; keep your feet away from evil.” (Proverbs 4:23-27, NIV)
  • “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him who have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

Music to inspire you:

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to try… Practically speaking, here are my best tips. 

  • Just add water this summer: 
    • Put on your bathing suit, remove your cover up, and get in the water with your kids, your spouse, or even on your own. 
    • Have a good cry and let everyone in your life do the same. 
    • Drink water during the day and enjoy a fun beverage in the evening too! Maybe that’s beer or wine or a nice cup of tea, but it is all needed in my humble opinion.  
  • Dream big, hope for more, and do not settle. I do not think we hear that enough. It’s okay to grab the brass rings. 
  • Sunshine Crate – send some love to someone else – it is contagious! Plus, you are supporting small businesses!

Resources to come alongside you:

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. 

In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

 

Thieves of Joy

The seasons change, children grow, gray hair appears all the more, and tragedies do not stop just because we have an added layer of masking and elections.  Our writers have been richly blessed but deeply reminded of our frailty during 2020.  We are all surviving by God’s grace through various hardships further complicated by COVID 19.  All this begs the question: How in the world can we cling to God’s grace when humanity rears its ugly head? 

In my family, for instance, we just went through a disrupted adoption.  We survived by holding onto God’s love in the midst of broken systems, violence, trauma, and unspeakable loss.  Honestly, my loss as a mother is unspeakable.  My hubby and I are both only children and started our parenting journey miraculously easily considering our health history.  We were satisfied with just our one beautiful boy.  But then, we lost our parents, my uncle, my grandmother, one after the other, and we thought our son should have a sibling.  Little did we know that the process would bring even  more loss.  

I can barely write about how much it hurts to miscarry multiple times, work on an adoption license for a year, find who we believed would be our daughter, love her fiercely, and then discover we are just not who she needs as her forever family.  I am not sure how to write the anger I feel toward the system that failed us, the fear I have for her future, and the sadness I feel that we failed.  What has come out of me has been those little nasty habits.  

I buried these painful feelings deep and mostly went through the motions steeled with poise, a screwed on smile, and a neatly written to do list.  I marched on in order to protect my son, my husband, myself, and her. Maintaining Mama Bear resolve required God’s supernatural strength. I felt Him leading me every step, but now I am so tired from the let down. 

Can I tell you some more of my truth?  2020 has revealed deeper layers of my sin, which makes me feel exposed and often ashamed of myself.  I have had to eat crow on many fronts and apologize daily to my husband.  My temper can still be short, and I have had to physically cry out to God to help me in my time of need.  I realize now that my nastiest patterns of bad behavior come out through knee-jerk reactions when our backs are against the wall.  So repentance requires a habit of praying for forgiveness every. single. time.  Repenting from pride, control, ambition, and jealousy has required me to continually turn back to God (and to folks who will tell me the truth, not just what I want to hear).  

At my worst, I am terrible about comparing myself to other people.  I am given to jealousy.  I focus on the little criticisms rather than accentuating the positives.  I want to fixate on the past and hold a grudge.  How can I choose to pause and pray when my own ugliness comes out?  I need my Teddy Roosevelts who will remind me that I am letting Thieves of Joy like comparison rob me.  Because as Laura said in her four year anniversary post, we need each other.  

Are any of your hearts hurting like mine?  We have posted far less often since March, because we have frankly been surviving, just like many of you.  I, for one, have allowed some Thieves of Joy to rob me of my writing: comparison on social media scrolls, mindless TV shows, and sleeping in have robbed me of deeper times with God and you all.  But, now is the time for gratitude. Now is the time to realize that although we have lost much, we are thankful for all we still have.  If you come out stronger, have the Thieves of Joy really stolen much? If you come out with your marriage, career, and healthy child intact, does that not show God’s faithfulness? 

As we enter Thanksgiving and Christmastime, I want to turn again toward God and truthseekers.  I want to take back what sin has stolen. I want to speak joy and truth rather than hover over my losses and anger from 2020.  One joy I find is in reading, and recently I stumbled on this quote from Jenna Bush Hager’s beloved Gampy in her new book: “Don’t forget to enjoy being in the game.”  Let’s pray: Lord, please show us Your glory in the midst of ugliness.  Do not let us allow Thieves of Joy to rob us from enjoying the game we are called to play here on Earth.  Be our ever present help. Give us supernatural energy.  Be the joy we speak each day.  In Jesus’ name. Amen. 

To all our readers who have been personally affected by COVID-19, we have been praying for you.  Other members of our TtT writing team have gone through moving homes, job changes, surgeries, and supporting family members through divorce.  What have you been going through, Mamas?  What have been some of your survival tools? Send a DM so we can specifically pray for you.  The writing team prays every Friday morning to text it out together.  

Love, Jo

Soaking in the Truth 

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1, ESV)
  • “But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to You. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’” (Jonah 2:9, NIV)
  • “The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to Him.” (Psalm 28:7, ESV)

Music to inspire you:

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to try:

Practically speaking, here are my best three tips for stealing back your joy: 

  • Say “it” out loud to your Teddies, whatever you’ve been keeping inside, and let them speak truth back to you. 
  • Plan time for something you enjoy and put it on your calendar so you keep your promise to yourself to really do it. 
  • Let yourself feel negative emotions.  Just because we are leaders as moms does not mean we are not allowed to show more than a happy face.  Find a way to safely let your sadness, anger, grief, jealousy, or hurt out of you.

Resources to come alongside you:

  • Brene Brown Podcast 
  • Ann Voskamp One Thousand Gifts Website
  • Replanted: Faith Based Support for Adoptive & Foster Families Book 

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.  In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}