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Tag Archives: marriage

Moms in Progress: Pam Moore

8 / 28 / 198 / 27 / 19

Jen

Hi, Pam! Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with our readers. We love reading your comments on the blog, and you always have such wisdom to share. We wanted to dig a little deeper and allow our readers the privilege of getting to know you, too!

I can’t help but notice this sweet picture, here. Can you tell us about it?

Pam

This picture is of my youngest daughter, Kelly, and I at Newport Aquarium in Cincinnati.

Jen

I love your smiles. It looks like you two were making some great memories that day!
So tell us, do you have any other children?

Pam

I have 3 children… Kari, who is 40, Rob (38), and Kelly (30). I also have 6 grandchildren. I am a seasoned mom, but have had lots of bumps along that road!

I also have 2 wonderful step-children, Betsy and Jared, and Jared’s wife Phoebe, and they have made my life complete with their unconditional love.

Jen

Oh, boy, I think a lot of us can relate to that. My motherhood journey is just starting out, and I’ve already had my fair share of bumps and bruises! Any advice for those of us still trying to figure things out?

Pam

My ‘children’ are grown and need very little assistance from me. I like to keep in touch with them, but, honestly, they are not nearly as needy as I am. I am learning to trust not knowing how their lives are going and feeling good about that. Kari and Rob spent most of their growing up years with their dad and stepmom, and I honestly am just glad to be able to share in their lives at all. If there’s anything I can tell you, it’s that keeping your marriage vows sacred is the best security you can give your children. I thank God that my children have wonderful marriages!

Jen

Such a great reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up in our children and neglect the foundation that made us a family in the first place! I’m making a mental note right now to get a date night on the calendar, pronto?!

So are there any books or podcasts that have been inspiring you lately??

Pam

I am reading Barbara Kingsolver’s “Small Wonder” essays now. I also like daily devotionals like “Streams in the Desert”. I thought I was too old for the podcast generation, but I was just on the road to Wisconsin and listened to Jen Hatmaker’s podcast, “For the Love”. The time on the road passed quickly and I felt so enlightened!

Jen

Ha! I only recently discovered the podcast world and it’s pretty great, but there’s something so personal and meaningful to me about interacting with an actual book. I’m not familiar with those titles, and now I can’t wait to check them out.

Any mom products you’re loving these days?

Pam

I love the Fabfitfun boxes?!

Jen

Oooh, you’ve got me beat there. I haven’t tried those yet, but I hear great things! What’s not to love about a box of trendy items sent right to your door? I’m all about anything that can make life a little bit easier.

Speaking of go-to’s for busy moms, is there a favorite simple meal ? that’s a staple in your house?

Pam

I’ve been cooking Home Chef meals lately, but I also love sheet pan vegetables… finally, I enjoy Brussels sprouts! It took the olive oil to change me!

Jen

Yes! Sheet pan veggies are a must in my house with all my picky vegetable eaters. I’ll be honest, we’ve been in survival mode lately and getting a real meal on the table has been anything but easy. Those bumps in the road you were talking about earlier – how have you gotten through them?

Pam

At this time in my life, letting go is something I have to emotionally commit to and frequently tell myself. I did the best I could under the circumstances of the time. It was a struggle to feel like a mom when I wasn’t always able to physically be present. The facts may be real and very sad, but the outcome is what matters. My children thrive and are the best parents I could ever imagine. That matters so much more than ‘me.’ To be positive, and healthy, and to take care of my well-being keeps me able to enjoy all of the blessings that are around me. At this point in my life, to rejoice in the fact that my children made amazing lives for themselves is pure joy!

And I do listen to Dr. Laura on the radio. She says that childrens’ IQs are inherited from their moms so ???!!!

Jen

IQ’s inherited from Mom, huh? Nice! I’m personally hoping my boys also inherited some of their dad’s math ability??‍♀️.

We deal with some pretty heavy stuff as moms. Is there a “victory” or lesson you’ve learned from all you’ve experienced?

Pam

A victory? Well, I get to see my children every so often, and they do love me. And my grandchildren are smart, and happy, and loved so much. That IS a victory. By God’s grace, we have great memories, and hopefully we will continue to make more. I would love for talks and time alone with my children and I do get occasionally get that. Life doesn’t always work out the way you want… as long as my children are living good lives, that is more than enough for me. Positivity always creates opportunities.

Jen

Positivity creates opportunities…I need to write that one down✏️!

Pam

As I get older, I’ve also found that friendship is the truest blessing. Cherish with the deepest part of your heart your “old” friends. I spent last weekend at Torch Lake in Michigan. We were at a friend’s home watching sailboats float by, eating Wisconsin cherries and laughing – old friends and new friends. What gifts!

Jen

Oh, wow, that sounds magical!

On a lighter note, what is the funniest thing your kids have said or done recently?

Pam

My daughter Kelly told me tonight that her cat Ivan wakes her up every night “screaming” because he has a toy to show her. She only has fur babies… and a heart of gold. She works as a cancer nurse at the Cleveland Clinic and is so happy when she helps a patient facing extreme health problems.

Jen

What an incredible job! I can only imagine what a blessing she is to her patients. Her cat, Ivan, sounds like quite the character, too?!

So…do you have any final words of advice for those of us still in the trenches?

Pam

Well, you all are young and I love reading your blogs, as well as your courage and commitment to being such awesome moms. I am inspired by you! Don’t let go of your intuition, and always share truths with your spouse. Don’t put anything before that relationship…take time to be each other’s best friend.

Always know there is someone who wants to help you, and listen, if you are down or frustrated. We are in this together, and a lot of us need to be needed when we are done raising our children. Even the hardest times can have happy endings. Just have faith… real faith. The kind where God’s all you have left, and then miracles happen. ✝️

I have changed my heart space in recent years and I have my husband, Steve, and his mom (who will be 90 this year!) to thank for challenging my heart to change. No one knows your spirit but you – when you’re real, and honest, you can find love in nature, your faith, your people, your practices, or your children. Whatever you need to do…go find it. Because before you know it, you’re a grandmother!

Jen

Thank you so much, Pam. I know I speak for all of our readers when I say that we appreciate your vulnerability and wisdom. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, so knowing that we may hit a pothole or two along the way – but can still emerge on the other side in one piece, with gratitude and perspective – makes me feel a whole lot better????.

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post?  Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!

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Growing a Thriving Marriage: Kill the Weeds, Water the Right Seeds

9 / 24 / 1811 / 7 / 18

As our team prayed about the phrase “a time to kill and a time to heal,” we felt led to share what we are learning in our marriages. There are things we need to kill with God’s help in our marriages so that He can bring long lasting healing. Join us in this conversation.


 

Michelle
Michelle

Oh Janelle, I know you have a much greener thumb than me. ? I just looked out the window and I think I killed my basil plant. ?

Michelle
Janelle

Oh no. What happened?

Michelle
Michelle

Well, to be honest, I forgot to water it!

Michelle
Janelle

It happens to all of us! My outside flowers are usually the ones I forget about too. I have the best of intentions, but the follow-through is lacking. ?

Michelle
Michelle

Yes! Why is it that it’s so easy to get distracted and forget to water the things we should?! ?

Michelle
Janelle

Such a good question. ? This might sound crazy, but it actually reminds me of my marriage a few years back.

Michelle
Michelle

Really? ?How?

Michelle
Janelle

Well, things were pretty bleak. ? A lot like your basil… dry and parched. I was about to kill it unintentionally by my selfishness and critical tongue. ? It was like my negative words and actions were scorching the tender plant of my marriage. I needed to do things differently, but I couldn’t do it on my own. My marriage needed some divine intervention, if you know what I mean?!

Michelle
Michelle

Are you talking about my marriage? ? We went through a similar rough patch…

Michelle
Janelle

So you know what I’m talking about. It’s not just the “brown thumbs” that have a hard time keeping things alive! ? My tongue often got me (and still does, from time to time…) into trouble when I was critical of my husband and not a tad bit respectful.

Michelle
Michelle

I hear ya. Why can’t I hold my tongue from saying those passive aggressive comments? And sadly I don’t need words to show my disdain sometimes…like when my hubby’s late for dinner somehow I think the appropriate response is the silent treatment. But I’m sure you can guess…it’s not too effective.  ?‍♀️

Michelle
Janelle

Yes. Like when I’m controlling and critical without thinking… believing I know how to do something better than he does (like change the baby ?)! Those subtle words and actions start choking out the good seeds and the weeds start growing! And before I know it, resentment has planted itself firmly in my heart!

Michelle
Michelle

Been there. When I focus on what it feels like my hubby is not doing, the weed of bitterness definitely steals my joy. ? And then I don’t see all of the things he is actually doing…

Michelle
Janelle

You mean focusing on all of the negatives doesn’t help grow things in your marriage? ?Because I’ve had some killer results over here. Ha… not at all actually.?‍♀️

Michelle
Michelle

Ha. Nope not one bit. But I do feel like things changed (at least in my heart) when I realized that the critical spirit I had was actually like a huge weed killing the joy in our marriage. ? Amazing how things are better–even just a little–when I choose gratitude over criticism. ?‍♀️

Michelle
Janelle

Exactly. Even when he does things that drive me nuts (like wipe his face on the kitchen towel)! ? It’s all about my thoughts… that’s where it all starts.

Michelle
Michelle

You’re so right…but I’ll be honest, I have let a crazy amount of weeds grow in my thought-life…?

Michelle
Janelle

Oh me too. Several years ago, my marriage was on the brink of disaster. We fought all the time and I cried myself to sleep most nights. Something had to change or we were going to end up divorced. ? I remember thinking if my husband changed, everything would improve. But do you know what happened instead?

Michelle
Michelle

Well, I can guess, because I was right there too…

Michelle
Janelle

Yep, you probably can. God changed me. And He did it when He began opening my eyes to all the blessings He had given me in my man. They were there, He just had to help me see them. ?

Michelle
Michelle

?

Michelle
Janelle

And  you know what else? Just like your basil died when you forgot to water it, if I choose to not “water” my negative thoughts, they will shrivel up and die too.  

Michelle
Michelle

That’s such a good point. And on the flip side, if I choose to “water” the positive thoughts, they will grow something beautiful. ?

Michelle
Janelle

That’s probably why the Bible tells us to “take our thoughts captive,” right? They actually have the power to kill or heal!

Michelle
Michelle

Amen sister. And you know what? Nurturing my positive thoughts has been helpful to me, but what’s really healed my marriage is actually forgiving him and myself when we miss the mark. ?But let’s be honest, that is not an easy thing to do. 

Michelle
Janelle

It sure isn’t!

Michelle
Michelle

But when I do the hard work of forgiving, God turns my eyes toward Him. And He grows my roots deeper and deeper so I won’t be like my poor plant. Oh, speaking of…

Michelle
Janelle

Yeah?

Michelle
Michelle

Look! ?

I know it looks a little sad but I haven’t killed it! I have been watering it every day and guess what? It’s starting to come back to life! ?

Michelle
Janelle

Aw, yay! It’s so rewarding to see new growth on a seemingly dead plant!?

Michelle
Michelle

So true. And isn’t it the same in our lives?!

Oh God, would you root this truth deep in our hearts and marriages? Would you help us be diligent to kill the weeds, and water the right seeds? ?

Michelle

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a, NIV)
  • “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV)
  • “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8,9)
  • “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV)
  • “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

  • “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16, NASB)


Music to inspire you:

  • Restore by Chris August 
  • Love Is Not A Fight by Warren Barfield  (Check out the video of him sharing the story behind the song)
  • King of My Heart by Bethel Music 
  • Broken Together by Casting Crowns 
  • Pioneers by For King and Country 
  • Remind Me by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs 
  • The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick 
  • What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? By Linda Dillow 

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Beautiful in His Time: A New Season

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • We first want to say that we are by far not marriage experts. But we highly recommend seeking one out. My marriage has definitely benefitted from some good counseling. Sometimes just hearing an outside person’s counsel can really help. It’s sort of like when my front flower bed got out of hand with weeds this spring and it took the help of a professional landscaper to get it back in check. Seeking professional help isn’t a bad thing. In fact, there’s nothing better!
  • We recognize that sometimes focusing on changing us isn’t always enough. Sometimes the other person needs to change and sometimes he may be unwilling. Sometimes a marriage isn’t healed. We rest in the truth that God is still good and He loves you more than you know. In His grace is no condemnation. God can still grow good things even if it seems hopeless. There is always hope because there is always God. 
  • Start a “thankful journal” of good things you see in your husband. This has definitely helped me in the seasons when I was overly frustrated with my husband. Another thought: what if you shared it with him?
  • Open up to a friend about your marriage. This isn’t for you to throw him under the bus but instead let someone else in about how things are going. It’s amazing how a friend’s prayers can help uplift your marriage – I know from experience! Don’t go at marriage alone. Whether it is a counselor, a trusted friend, a small group from church – invite people in to speak truth into your marriage!
  • Consider going away together to a Marriage Conference. We have heard awesome things about A Weekend To Remember. Sometimes pushing the reset button is what we need to bring back into the lifeless plant of your marriage.
  • Ask yourself – how are you helping water your marriage? Are you caring for your marriage well? Where could you grow to help grow your marriage?

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

 

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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