The other day I decided to go a little early to Sophie’s dance class which is very rare (and honestly I felt really proud of myself!). When we walked in, all of the moms from Sophie’s dance class were sitting in the waiting room while their daughters were already dancing.
? ? Horrified, I realized I was 45 minutes late, not 15 minutes early! UGH! In that moment, I felt like all of those moms had it so much more together than me.?
Sometimes I feel like I am trying to keep up and everyone else seems to have their act together…
I’ve so been there! Lately for me, my worry is that I’m doing too much, trying to work outside my home and be a mom at the same time. I look at other moms who are totally focusing on their kids and their home and I feel like they’ve really got it together and I don’t! ?
I know…I look at these moms who are always caught up on dishes, spend an hour reading with their child each day, and somehow find time to exercise consistently, and I do not measure up to that.
Heck, I’m so behind I can’t even find the measuring stick! ?
? Speaking of not measuring up…I had lunch with Benjamin at school yesterday. I have been so busy at work, and I finally had time to go. I helped him open up his pre-packaged lunch, and then I just stared at it! I instantly felt like a “bad mom” because it was SAD-looking! Why on Earth was I buying those for so long? I hadn’t even looked inside one of them to see what they were really eating.
I know what you’re saying. You start asking, what is wrong with me?? Why can’t I rock it like all the other moms?
I feel like that ALL.THE.TIME. The other day, after fighting with my husband all the way to church about getting the kids ready on Sunday, we walked in behind a mom friend that was by herself with FOUR kids. I instantly felt ashamed and like a failure.
Yes…that’s what I felt. ? But why do I feel like a failure in those moments? Am I missing something?
Yes. You’re missing that big bow for Sophie’s hair. Kidding! You never seem to forget that! ???
You know me well! ? ?
But seriously, you’re not missing anything. Why do we compare ourselves so much? It only makes us more tired, weary, and defeated.
You’re so right. I’ve been realizing sometimes I am comparing myself to someone who has a totally different set of circumstances than me. We’re not even in the same boat – so why do I think we should be doing things the same way?
I totally know what you are saying. We focus too much on all of the ways it appears other moms are rocking it and we forget to look at the ways we are using our gifts well. Because Anna, I look at you from the outside and I think you are totally killing it as a mom who is balancing many things!?
Aww, thanks. I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit for what we do! And then again, our identity isn’t wrapped up in what we DO or don’t do. Or at least it shouldn’t be. But we subconsciously tell ourselves things like, “See, you are not as on top of your laundry as she is… Therefore, you are not a good mom.” How do we make that leap? That is NOT the truth we need to be telling ourselves!
You nailed it. I think comparison goes screaming down the wrong path when I go from, “Oh wow, that mom looks great with her non-yoga-pants outfit and make-up” to “She is a good mom; I am still in yoga pants with greasy hair, so therefore, I am not.”
Exactly!
Oh, you guys are not alone. I think it goes back to grace…especially grace to self. Instead of chastising ourselves to “Get it together!” we need to hear God saying,”The point is not about ‘having it together.’ The point is knowing who you are. You are my daughter, and I love you. Let My voice be the one that reigns in your mind and heart and let ME be the measuring stick you use.”
That is so what I needed to hear today!?
Me too! ? Because you know, this whole motherhood thing is not about us anyway; it’s about what He is doing in us and learning to see ourselves from His point of view…with His eyes of grace. When we take our focus off Him and put it on other people and how we stack up next to them, we’ll always be left feeling inadequate.
Yes. I think you’re so right. It’s all about adjusting my perspective. I like what you said, Desi, about “seeing myself from His point of view.” More of that in my life ? — especially when toys are strewn all over my floor and dinner is picked up in the drive-thru on the way home!
The drive-thru? What kind of mom does that? ? Just kidding! McDonald’s knows me well. ?
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
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- “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
- “Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else.” Galatians 6:4, Living Bible
- “A sound mind makes for a robust body, but runaway emotions corrode the bones.” Proverbs 14:30, The Message
Music to inspire you:
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- “Who I am” by Blanca
- “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns
Wise Words to come alongside of you:
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- “Comparison is the thief of joy.” -Theodore Roosevelt
- “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” -Steve Furtick
- “Use technology to connect not compare.” – Shauna Niequist
- Comparison Among Moms by Erin Loechner
- When I Feel Like I Don’t Measure Up by Renee Swope
- I Didn’t Do Anything Today Because of You by Samantha Wassel
- Don’t Compare Yourself To Others by Rick Warren
- How to Live a Brave and Beautiful Life by Alicia Bruxvoort
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
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- Take a few minutes in your day to quiet your heart and listen to God’s voice. He is so delighted in who you are, not just what you accomplish but sometimes we don’t hear this truth enough.
- Make a point to choose gratitude for what is going well in your life instead of looking at how well it appears others are doing.
- Soak in the truth from the verses mentioned in When I Feel I Don’t Measure Up and consider placing them in a prominent place in your house (like the bathroom mirror) to remind yourself of Truth.
- Sometimes when I compare myself to others, I am tempted to find something wrong with that person so I make myself feel better. Instead, let’s change our perspective and ask – how can I celebrate this mom? Food for thought: “Girls compete with each other, women empower one another.”
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}