Not What I Expected

I have dreamed about being a mom ever since I was a little girl. πŸ‘§I babysat all of the time when I was growing up and I taught elementary school after college, so I figured motherhood would be similar.
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Well, now that I’ve been a mom for almost five years, I would say it’s totally different than what I expected. 😏There are days that remind me of my babysitting or teaching days where we play a fun game or do a cool craft, but most of my days feel like they are a lot of picking up messes, trying to empty the dishwasher with a child yelling my name over and over, saying “use your words” more times than I can count, losing my cool after my girls fight over the silliest thing, forgetting to put the just-cleaned clothes in the dryer and having to start all over again – and then tucked in between all of these moments – trying to also find time to build into my marriage, reach out to my family and friends, take care of my own self, and grow in my relationship with God. Phew. πŸ™ƒSound familiar? 😴
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The truth is, I can struggle with feeling like my kids are pulling me away from finishing the tasks on my to-do list or from writing on our blog…and I feel guilty saying that. 😞The main reason I feel such guilt is because about eight years ago, I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just after celebrating our first wedding anniversary.
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I’ll never forget walking out of the doctor’s office when they told me it didn’t look like I would be able to have biological kids. I sat in my car sobbing and surrendering that deep desire over to God. He had been so faithful to walk me through ten weeks of chemo and all of the unknowns up until that point (not to mention how my husband and I even met, which is another story for another day πŸ’•), and I just knew – even though it was gut-wrenchingly difficult – that I could trust Him with whatever the outcome would be.
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So fast forward to present day: I have two beautiful girls who are miracles and answers to so many prayers. They light up my life in ways I didn’t even know was possible and I feel a love for them that is indescribable. πŸ’•But I’ll be honest, I do not “love every minute,” and with all that we’ve gone through and for how much we’ve prayed for them, I can feel really guilty about that.
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I can feel guilty that I choose my phone over them during some moments of our days. Or when I let my four-year-old watch TV while I work on a blog during rest time (see previous IG post for more on that!). Or that I don’t handle a melt-down more patiently. 😡
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But I’m guessing even if you haven’t had a health crisis like me, you wrestle with mom guilt too. Wondering if you’re doing enough, being present enough, savoring the moments enough. Wishing you hadn’t done that or comparing yourself to a more perfect mom in your mind who appears to have it “more together” (whatever that means!).
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Well, this is why we started our blog. We aren’t experts on motherhood by any means; we’re moms desiring to learn and grow and love our children, hubbies, selves, and God more fully and intentionally. And we decided what better way to do that then share the real stuff of our lives – because we are real moms in need of Real Grace. Grace from each other, from ourselves and most importantly from a good, gracious God. πŸ’—
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If you’d like to read more of the story behind our blog and how we got started, we invite you to check out the link. And thank you for being a part of this community of real moms. πŸ’
In this together ~ Michelle

 

 

2 thoughts on “Not What I Expected

  1. Great post! My kids are in their late teens and early 20’s and I still have the mom guilt. Did I do enough? What could I have done differently? The questions do plaque my mind at times but I trust in the areas where I’ve either failed or not done enough that God’s grace will be sufficient. Yet, even now I daily seek God’s help because, in and of myself, I’m just not able.

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