Talk about It: The “Privates” Conversation

Mom 1

Ugh. You will not believe what happened today.

Mom 2

Oh no. What?

Mom 1

Apparently when my four-year-old was playing today with my nephew, they pulled down their pants behind the couch and showed each other their privates! 😳

I mean, what?? After all of the conversations we’ve had about keeping your privates private??

Mom 2

Oh man.

Mom 1

We were in the car when this all came out so I was muttering prayers under my breath as I was formulating thoughts. And then my six-year-old says – Mom, I have to tell you something too…

And she tells me that she and some (girl) friends showed each other their privates this week too!! 🤦‍♀️

Mom 2

Lol! Okay, it’s really NOT funny, but man… you got hit hard with it all.

Mom 1

Oh my gosh. I literally was on the verge of tears. 😭 I told them I needed some time to think and pray.

Mom 2

Good for you! You started with the right thing. 😊

Mom 1

Well, thanks. I felt like I had failed as a mom. 😔 Why do we always feel that way when our kids do something they’re not supposed to?!

Mom 2

Because it’s hard to not let our kids’ mistakes feel like they’re a reflection on us and our parenting. (At least, this is always a struggle for me.)

Mom 1

YES. Thankfully my four-year-old fell asleep in the car so I was able to have a heart-to-heart with my six-year-old. I felt like in that time of quick prayers God reminded me that I’ll have lots of these situations in my parenting and the good thing was that she told me about it. I was so grateful she told me. 🙌

Mom 2

True. I mean, for me, I want my kids to always feel like they can come to me with questions or tell me things.

Mom 1

I know, me too. I admit I came off too strong at first. I was just so upset. But after I calmed down, I tried to keep reiterating how proud of her I was that she told me.

Mom 2

Well, it sounds like you did well. And just so you know…you’re not alone. I recently found my son and daughter (the six and four year old – like yours!) with their pants down, laughing and pointing and going on about each other’s privates. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Mom 1

Ugh. Apparently you and I need to start a mother’s support group for this sort of thing. 🙄

Mom 2

Ha! Exactly. Well, unfortunately, I was livid and did NOT handle it well.😠 Mostly I was mad because we talk all the time about not showing your privates to other people, but apparently they didn’t get it??? Or just weren’t obeying?! 🙍‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Mom 1

That is exactly how I felt too.

Mom 2

And honestly, this is something I’ve been dealing with all summer.😬 It’s a little different than your girls because it was with siblings rather than other kids, but still….

Mom 1

Oh, we continue to have situations as well. I mean, I did some reading on trusty ol’ Google and I think it’s pretty age appropriate to be curious and all, but still, like so much else in parenting, I’m trying to guide them to make good choices and keep them safe… and for goodness sakes, just listen and obey your mother!!! 😉

Mom 2

AMEN!

Mom 1

If only it were that easy, right?

Mom 2

Right. But I’m pretty bad at just listening and obeying when God tells me to do something so… 😬

But really, I think it bothers me so much because in today’s world and culture, you can’t do that kind of stuff. I worry someone will report my kids (even if they are only 6 and 4!).

Mom 1

No, I hear you. It’s hard to know what’s just curiosity and what is a deeper issue…

Mom 2

Right. I started getting worried about that too. But everything I read said their actions are very common and normal. So that’s a relief. 😯 But they still can’t keep pulling their pants down all the time. 😳

So what do we do?

Mom 1

Run away? 🏃‍♀️

Mom 2

Sure. I’m with you. When do we leave? 😄

Mom 1

HAHA. If only that solved all parenting dilemmas!

I mean, I don’t feel like I really have answers to any of this, but I what I keep hearing is that it’s important to just keep having conversations. Keep talking about it. Keep reiterating what’s appropriate. And keep telling them we love them no matter what…

Mom 2

Yes. And I keep coming back to the fact that I want my kids to come to me with concerns and questions (especially ones regarding their sexuality and sex questions) because I want them to get the guidance and answers from me – not the kids on the bus! 😉😁

Mom 1

Exactly. Like the way I did. 😳😲

Mom 2

Oh, me too! 😬

Mom 1

😀 Anyway, I am trying to remind myself that my kids are not going to be perfect and I don’t expect them to be. (Or at least need to remind myself of this at times.) But if I can keep the lines of communication open, we can work it out together. #preachingtomyself

So how are you going to actually do this? What’s your game plan?

Mom 2

Honestly, I’m making it up as I go. 🙂 But I started with getting some kid books about protecting your body and sexuality/sex…(they may be more helpful to me than my kids! 😁)

Mom 1

Funny. I did the same thing. I think it was good for my girls to hear it in a book rather than just mom talking.

Mom 2

Yes, and I read one of the books so often, my daughter asked if it was my favorite book! 😁

Mom 1

😂

Mom 2

Yeah, 😄 but it obviously didn’t sink in – she’s still showing off her privates! 🙄

Mom 1

Well, I know what you mean. A similar thing happened AGAIN the other day so that I literally was 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. But I think it’s just having a constant conversation. Over and over. Until maybe they’re so tired of hearing about it that they’ll listen?! Ha.

Mom 2

😄 And I think I need to work on my reaction when they say something or I find them being inappropriate.

Mom 1

Me too. 🙋‍♀️

Mom 2

Because if I can’t handle it calmly, then they’ll just start hiding or not talking to me.

Mom 1

This is right on. Yes! Ok, how about if we text each other with our angst and venom first so that when we get to them, we’re calmer and more grace-filled?! 😝

Mom 2

Marvelous. As long as you’re okay with texts filled with 😡😖😠🤬,,,

Mom 1

#realmomsrealgrace, right?!

Mom 2

Haha! YES.

OK, last thought because I need to go…I guess I keep thinking that if I plan for everything and prepare them enough, then they aren’t ever going to have hard things happen. But obviously that’s not true.

Mom 1

Ugh, so true. And even when we prepare them, they still make their own choices and are independent little people. And even if they make perfect choices, we live in a crazy, mixed-up world… 😵

And then I remind myself that He created them and loves them even more than me. And so I once again trust Him with their safety, their behaviors, their sexuality, everything, you know?

Mom 2

Right. Because I really can’t control it all anyway. Yes, bad things can and will happen, so what am I going to do with that? It absolutely sucks but I guess I have to believe that God is in the business of redemption and He will bring beauty from horribleness.

Mom 1

So back to my knees and surrendering I go…😊

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.” Romans 8:26-28, The Message
  • “Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.” Psalm 62:8, ESV
  • “Do you not know that your body is a house of God where the Holy Spirit lives? God gave you His Holy Spirit. Now you belong to God. You do not belong to yourselves. God bought you with a great price. So honor God with your body. You belong to Him.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 NIV

Music to inspire you:

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • It is normal and natural for kids to explore and be curious about their private places. The important thing is to keep the communication lines open when it comes to talking about sexuality and explain things openly and honestly.
  • One thought to consider – if I haven’t dealt with my own thoughts/feelings about sex and sexuality, then when things arise around this topic, it is going to bother me even more. I am realizing I need to deal with things in my own past so I’m not projecting those fears or ideas onto my kids. If you need help, take the step and get it for the sake of you and your kids.
  • Our main point we hope to get across through this text and that we are trying to implement in our own lives and families is – just keep talking to your kids about all of this complicated topics. Even if you feel uncomfortable, keep talking. Even if you have no idea what to say, keep the lines of communication open. And keep praying. God will give you the wisdom to know what to say when you have no idea what to say or do!
  • We have tried to get in a habit of every few times my kids were in the bath to ask them who was allowed to see their privates and remind them they were in fact, PRIVATE. It’s also important to talk about WHY we don’t show others our privates. They very briefly mention the “why” in the Story of Me by Stan and Brenna Jones (listed above).
  • Remember to give your kids grace when they mess up. I am continually reminding myself of this too. I want them to know it’s okay to make a mistake and begin again. This is how God treats us and I want to mimic this response to my children.
  • We do not claim to be professionals. If you suspect there may be deeper issues to something going on with your child, PLEASE do not be afraid to ask questions and seek out professional help if necessary.
  • Above all, we want to leave you with the hope that God is a God who can redeem everything. Whether you have a personal history with this subject or your children have, we pray that you can feel to your core that God is able to bring beauty from ashes. As we were writing this post, we were praying specifically for you.💗

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.
In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

About Michelle Warner

The truth about me is that I love spending time with people–whether it be with moms in MOPS, students in writing camps, friends in my supper club, or family on our patio. And if you combine people and words, I am definitely in my happy place. One of my most favorite moments is sitting around a table with the people I love sharing deep conversations about life. Inviting people into our home and pulling out my fancy dishes invigorates me, though tackling the hand-wash pile in my sink does quite the opposite. (Sorry, Hubby. I’ll get to those soon!) I’m learning to enjoy the people in my life without feeling the need to prove myself or always make them happy. God continues to teach me that when I find what I need in Him rather than the perfectly-cooked chicken or the perfectly-timed word, I have a security that can’t be shaken. And that’s a good thing since my hard-working husband and I have two very determined little girls who keep us on our toes!

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