Hey girls, my heart is weighed down tonight. My kids were testing, misbehaving, fighting, ignoring…well, you get the picture. My hubby and I had a talk because we realized that we nag, warn, and warn them AGAIN…
I am the worst about this, always justifying what they’re doing. ? But the worst part is, then one of us hits a wall and gets really mad! Or gives out ridiculous consequences that limit everyone else in the family.
Ooooo… That sounds familiar! I’ve hit that wall more times than I care to admit! Did the two of you come to any conclusions??
Yeah, and we decided to tighten up. Use consequences and LESS WORDS. It is so hard!!! I just need a cheerleader telling me to keep it up, to be consistent. I want to be firm but not angry. It seems simple, but why is it not easy to do?
Thanks, Laura. Now if can you stand behind me all day long with your pom-poms, I’ll be good to go. ?
No problem! I’ll bring my whole squad (of boys) with me to help too!!!
Bring them over to my house, Laura, because I struggle with this too. I have realized I make excuses for bad behavior, like “Oh, I think her teeth are bothering her.” “She’s just really exhausted.” The list could go on and on…
I think it’s hard because we also have excuses for ourselves and our own poor behavior!! Maybe it’s just me, but I think things like “I didn’t speak nicely because I have PMS” or “I didn’t get enough sleep.” And even though no one sends me to time out, there are still consequences I don’t like! Anyway, I find follow-through with consequences for my children challenging because I don’t like to experience consequences myself.
Yes, makes total sense, Laura. I hate to disappoint anyone, including my kids because their disappointment is my disappointment too. If Benjamin has been waiting ALL DAY to go to the pool, and we’re finally there and right off the bat he breaks rules–clearly and despite warnings– he has to get out of the pool. Period. Privilege lost. But he cries and he’s sorry, and he begs for another try!!! And I hate to admit it, but I usually give in…I am creating kids who don’t take me seriously. ?
Ugh! I hate seeing my kids sad or disappointed, even if it was their choices that caused it. I think it’s important to dig in when it counts. #whendoesitcount? #canigetamanual?
I’ll take one, please! Because I just don’t want my kids to think that I’m putting them in a time out or giving them some other consequence just because I’m mean or something. What is that the Lord says about His discipline of us?
Looking it up now, Laura…LOL
Proverbs 3:12 “The Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
So if God disciplines us because He loves us, then maybe that can be in our minds when we have to discipline our kids. Because they aren’t going to say, “Oh thank you, mother, for disciplining me, because I really feel your love right now.” ?
That would be awesome, if they would say that! But, no. Consequences aren’t fun, and we need to let them know we know that. We can give the consequence and empathize with them about how hard it is.
Brilliant! I think that’s such a good point Laura. Discipline can be done with a posture of empathy–it doesn’t have to be accompanied with frustration or anger.?
I wish it was easy to do this, but it will take some discipline on our part too.
For sure!
So maybe instead of a manual, I need Emmanuel. Ha! God be with us….in our disciplined disciplining. ?
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- Hebrews 12:4-13: In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.
Music to inspire you:
Readings to come alongside of you:
- Parenting by Design by Chris Groff
- How to Discipline Kids: The Key to Being a Consistent Parent by Sara Bean
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- Have a talk with your husband/mother/father/daycare worker about the expectations and consequences you want to set. Make sure the main caretakers of your child are on the same page with you. Ask them for their support.
- Communicate those expectations and consequences to your child as well.
- Stand by your word. Follow through. Don’t just threaten to turn the car around; turn it around.
- Try to deliver/enforce the consequences with empathy instead of anger. Take deep breaths, take breaks, or just postpone your response for a minute or two.
- Seek out encouragement (because you DO need a cheerleader!) through songs, scripture, and parenting books or blogs like those above.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}