I have been struggling with feeling rejected lately and I’m having a hard time pulling myself out of that yucky place.
I am sorry. I have been there and I know what you mean–it can feel like you’ve fallen in a pit and don’t know how you’re going to get out!
Me too, girl! It’s easy to slip into that feeling sometimes. What started it?
It’s a combination of a lot of things, but it all came to a head when I saw a picture posted the other week of a group of women I would consider friends and acquaintances out having fun together.
Ouch! That hurts!
I am ashamed to even admit that I spent far too long looking at that picture, analyzing the friendships of each of the women, wondering how certain people got invited and I didn’t.
Oh man, I’m glad to know I am not the only one although I hate you have felt this way too. A situation like that totally kicks up my insecurities and I begin wondering, “What is wrong with me?” and “What do they have that I don’t?”
Yes! All from a simple picture!! ? The saddest part is when I saw this picture, I was in another state on vacation with my family. I wouldn’t have even been in town to go to the gathering had I been invited! I should have been focused on my family and appreciating the special memories we were making.
But I get it! You still want to get the invitation in the first place, or for someone to say they missed you not being there.
Absolutely, because I felt rejected, even though no one truly rejected me. It seems like the more people I meet and socialize with, the more this rejection issue pops up for me.
Have you been able to figure out if there is a pattern to when you feel most rejected? When I have an overreaction like this, I have started to ask God to help me see what’s underneath all of it. Is there a lie I am believing about myself or about God?
I haven’t really ever thought too much about it because I just try to hide from the feelings in whatever way I can, but I really think I do need to start taking this issue to God in those moments.
Yeah, it’s really been helping me to invite God into it. The other day someone I admire kinda blew me off. I was asking God, “Why does this bother me so much?” And I felt like He told me that I didn’t need her approval/friendship to be complete. (DUH.) So many times I have looked to relationships in my life to tell me I was enough and I felt like just the other day I realized that this person giving me the time of day or not doesn’t need to affect my self-worth.
Totally agree! ? I’ve been in the same boat for sure. God has been speaking to me a LOT lately about self-worth and validation, actually. It’s been a theme. I hate that it’s been a theme, in a way, because it’s like — how old am I? Am I really still back to this topic? But I think more women struggle with it than we think. ESPECIALLY with social media involved.
Oh, it totally makes me feel like I’m in high school! I think I may need to take some time away from social media. It doesn’t seem like a healthy place for me.
I think this is such a personal decision about what works best for each of us. For me, I am just really trying to remind myself of where my security comes from before I even hop on social media.
That’s a good idea as well. I want to live in my life instead of wishing I could be in someone else’s. I want to appreciate what I have been given instead of trying to figure out how I can get something else. I want to live in the comfort of knowing God loves me instead of looking to others to validate my worth.
Yes! I do too! I am learning that with all of these desires, it starts with me going back to God and asking him to tell me the truth about who He is and who I am. And then no matter what I see on social media, nothing and no one will be able to shake that.
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
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- “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6: 19-20, NLT)
Music to inspire you:
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- “As Sure as the Sun” by Ellie Holcomb
- “Who Am I” by Casting Crowns
- “Live Like Your Loved” by Hawk Nelson
Readings to come alongside of you:
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- “Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
- “It’s easy to scroll and surf through postings – where people upload the beautiful, successful, shiny sides of life – and quickly get a jilted notion that maybe we’re not quite keeping up. We feel small. Unnoticed. Incapable. One day I realized I had to stop looking at things spotlighting others’ successes until I had a better way of processing them. Until I could look at others and genuinely celebrate their lives without feeling anything but joy for them. I had to starve my scarcity thinking.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
- “It’s not deciding in my mind, I deserve to be loved. Or manipulating my heart to feel loved. It’s settling in my soul, I was created by God, who formed me because He so much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved. Therefore, I can bring the atmosphere of love into every situation I face. I don’t have to wait for it, hope for it, or try to earn it. I simply bring the love I want. Then I’m not so tempted to flirt with the world, hoping for approval, because I have the real thing with God. And I’m not nearly as likely to fall into perceiving rejection that isn’t really there, because I’m not starving for affection. I am loved. This should be the genesis thought of every day. Not because of how terrific I am. God doesn’t base His thoughts toward me on my own fragile efforts. No, God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live…loved.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
- A Social Media Heart Check by Kim Cash Tate
- For the Days When You Totally Feel Like the Uncool Kid Again by Jennifer Dukes Lee
- Alone in a Crowded Room by Lysa TerKeurst
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
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- This is a very personal decision, but I have had a really good experience with taking a social media fast. When I find myself spending my thoughts on others’ lives in an unhealthy way, I know it’s time to take a huge step back. Even just taking a few days away from social media can help reset my heart.
- Invite God to join you when you check your social media pages. He can help define who you are when it is so very easy to let social media determine that definition.
- When you find yourself struggling to realize your worth because of perceived rejection, spend some time reading over Psalm 139 to see how God views you. You are a wonderful creation.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.
In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}
I struggle with feelings that I just didn’t matter to my parents from an early age. So whenever I can, I try to show people that they matter. When feeling rejected, I ask myself “How old do you feel right now?” Sometimes I feel like I am 8 yrs old, or even 21. But I remind myself that I matter to God which is the most important relationship I have and continue to foster knowing I am a sinner and need a savior.
Thanks for your our comment Denise! I really like that concept of making it a point to make others feel accepted. It’s like the more you fill yourself with good intentions toward others, the less room there is to feel negative feelings toward yourself.
This really touches a spot that was sore in my life for a while. I love how you talked it out here. These conversations really help me to see I am not alone in a lot of the everyday battles that come up from time to time.