Talk about It: The “Privates” Conversation

Ugh. You will not believe what happened today.

Oh no. What?

Apparently when my four-year-old was playing today with my nephew, they pulled down their pants behind the couch and showed each other their privates! ?

I mean, what?? After all of the conversations we’ve had about keeping your privates private??

Oh man.

We were in the car when this all came out so I was muttering prayers under my breath as I was formulating thoughts. And then my six-year-old says – Mom, I have to tell you something too…

And she tells me that she and some (girl) friends showed each other their privates this week too!! ?‍♀️

Lol! Okay, it’s really NOT funny, but man… you got hit hard with it all.

Oh my gosh. I literally was on the verge of tears. ? I told them I needed some time to think and pray.

Good for you! You started with the right thing. ?

Well, thanks. I felt like I had failed as a mom. ? Why do we always feel that way when our kids do something they’re not supposed to?!

Because it’s hard to not let our kids’ mistakes feel like they’re a reflection on us and our parenting. (At least, this is always a struggle for me.)

YES. Thankfully my four-year-old fell asleep in the car so I was able to have a heart-to-heart with my six-year-old. I felt like in that time of quick prayers God reminded me that I’ll have lots of these situations in my parenting and the good thing was that she told me about it. I was so grateful she told me. ?

True. I mean, for me, I want my kids to always feel like they can come to me with questions or tell me things.

I know, me too. I admit I came off too strong at first. I was just so upset. But after I calmed down, I tried to keep reiterating how proud of her I was that she told me.

Well, it sounds like you did well. And just so you know…you’re not alone. I recently found my son and daughter (the six and four year old – like yours!) with their pants down, laughing and pointing and going on about each other’s privates. ?‍♀️?‍♀️

Ugh. Apparently you and I need to start a mother’s support group for this sort of thing. ?

Ha! Exactly. Well, unfortunately, I was livid and did NOT handle it well.? Mostly I was mad because we talk all the time about not showing your privates to other people, but apparently they didn’t get it??? Or just weren’t obeying?! ?‍♀️?‍♀️

That is exactly how I felt too.

And honestly, this is something I’ve been dealing with all summer.? It’s a little different than your girls because it was with siblings rather than other kids, but still….

Oh, we continue to have situations as well. I mean, I did some reading on trusty ol’ Google and I think it’s pretty age appropriate to be curious and all, but still, like so much else in parenting, I’m trying to guide them to make good choices and keep them safe… and for goodness sakes, just listen and obey your mother!!! ?

AMEN!

If only it were that easy, right?

Right. But I’m pretty bad at just listening and obeying when God tells me to do something so… ?

But really, I think it bothers me so much because in today’s world and culture, you can’t do that kind of stuff. I worry someone will report my kids (even if they are only 6 and 4!).

No, I hear you. It’s hard to know what’s just curiosity and what is a deeper issue…

Right. I started getting worried about that too. But everything I read said their actions are very common and normal. So that’s a relief. ? But they still can’t keep pulling their pants down all the time. ?

So what do we do?

Run away? ?‍♀️

Sure. I’m with you. When do we leave? ?

HAHA. If only that solved all parenting dilemmas!

I mean, I don’t feel like I really have answers to any of this, but I what I keep hearing is that it’s important to just keep having conversations. Keep talking about it. Keep reiterating what’s appropriate. And keep telling them we love them no matter what…

Yes. And I keep coming back to the fact that I want my kids to come to me with concerns and questions (especially ones regarding their sexuality and sex questions) because I want them to get the guidance and answers from me – not the kids on the bus! ??

Exactly. Like the way I did. ??

Oh, me too! ?

? Anyway, I am trying to remind myself that my kids are not going to be perfect and I don’t expect them to be. (Or at least need to remind myself of this at times.) But if I can keep the lines of communication open, we can work it out together. #preachingtomyself

So how are you going to actually do this? What’s your game plan?

Honestly, I’m making it up as I go. 🙂 But I started with getting some kid books about protecting your body and sexuality/sex…(they may be more helpful to me than my kids! ?)

Funny. I did the same thing. I think it was good for my girls to hear it in a book rather than just mom talking.

Yes, and I read one of the books so often, my daughter asked if it was my favorite book! ?

?

Yeah, ? but it obviously didn’t sink in – she’s still showing off her privates! ?

Well, I know what you mean. A similar thing happened AGAIN the other day so that I literally was ?‍♀️?‍♀️. But I think it’s just having a constant conversation. Over and over. Until maybe they’re so tired of hearing about it that they’ll listen?! Ha.

? And I think I need to work on my reaction when they say something or I find them being inappropriate.

Me too. ?‍♀️

Because if I can’t handle it calmly, then they’ll just start hiding or not talking to me.

This is right on. Yes! Ok, how about if we text each other with our angst and venom first so that when we get to them, we’re calmer and more grace-filled?! ?

Marvelous. As long as you’re okay with texts filled with ????,,,

#realmomsrealgrace, right?!

Haha! YES.

OK, last thought because I need to go…I guess I keep thinking that if I plan for everything and prepare them enough, then they aren’t ever going to have hard things happen. But obviously that’s not true.

Ugh, so true. And even when we prepare them, they still make their own choices and are independent little people. And even if they make perfect choices, we live in a crazy, mixed-up world… ?

And then I remind myself that He created them and loves them even more than me. And so I once again trust Him with their safety, their behaviors, their sexuality, everything, you know?

Right. Because I really can’t control it all anyway. Yes, bad things can and will happen, so what am I going to do with that? It absolutely sucks but I guess I have to believe that God is in the business of redemption and He will bring beauty from horribleness.

So back to my knees and surrendering I go…?