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Moms in Progress: Jo Perkins

9 / 18 / 199 / 18 / 19

Katie

Today we are excited to feature another one of our very own TtT writers, Jo Perkins! Thanks for being willing to share some of your heart and your story with us today, Jo. Can you start off by showing us a recent photo and telling us a little about your family?

Jo

Sure! Here is one:
]

Our little family includes my husband Stanley and five year old son Nolan, who started Kindergarten this year. And, not pictured: our rescue pup Cooper and whichever critters we currently house (frogs and lizards from the yard most likely).

Also not pictured: our matching Hakuna Matata shirts. I bought those shirts as a self-fulfilling prophecy, I pray, because we struggle with anxiety and perfectionism in our household. “Hakuna Matata…what a wonderful phrase…it means no worries for the rest of your days!” I am hoping we can get some professional family photos taken, and I can also make a printed photo album for us soon. I am really behind on those…

Katie

I can totally relate – both to needing the extra reminder to let go of my worries and also to always being behind on photo albums!? Did you hear any truth this week that helped you, in a podcast, quote, conversation, etc.?

Jo

This New York Times article popped up on my feed, and it really knocked me over. One of the most powerful points was “procrastination is a form of self harm.” I do not mean to minimize how dangerous and harrowing physical self harm is, but I must say, I agree that procrastination has become a form of psychological self harm in my life. It started in college and has gotten progressively worse for me. I go through periods where I am more proactive, but I tend to spiral into procrastination when I feel overwhelmed or unworthy of good things in my life. Can anyone relate?

Katie

Wow! I have never really thought about procrastination like that before. That is a powerful thought. What is your hardest parenting struggle currently?

Jo

I struggle with not “checking out” after a long day and doing the bare minimum at night. I need to cook more and better suppers, clean at night, and not let us veg out on electronics.

Katie

Well, I think every mom can relate to that!! The to-do list is never done and the temptation to just check out is very strong. What is your least favorite household chore (which one would you like to pay someone else to do for you)?

Jo

All of them?? No, honestly it is folding and putting away laundry, which is why my husband took that over when I was in school for my doctorate (and, God bless him, he still does).

Katie

God bless him, indeed! That is awesome!? So, what else is going well in your family rhythms right now?

Jo

I think we are doing well at having fun together and laughing more, rather than allowing ourselves to just work-work-work. I am trying to be intentional about scheduling in social, church, and other activities that breathe life into our family. Since we do not have much extended family, our church and friends are everything to us.

Katie

Fun is so important! Good for you to be intentional about having fun, mama! What are some of your favorite fun activities to do as a family?

Jo

We love the water and outdoors, and this past summer we enjoyed those more than ever in recent history. We love to swim at our lake beaches or take the boat out and enjoy the water that way. We also like the pool and ocean. We are pretty much “equal opportunity.” In the fall and winter we go to Great Wolf Lodge for a water fix.?

Katie

What is your most embarrassing mom fail?

Jo

I have had full-on panic attacks in public at functions and had to leave early. I made it through by asking God to forgive me for losing my mind. He keeps no record of wrongs, Mamas. He is so kind and merciful.

Katie

Isn’t that the most reassuring truth!! God’s grace is never ending. And, may I say, dear friend – that’s nothing to be embarrassed about! God is not embarrassed by our worries or our fears, but He just wants us to give those to Him. And seek out people who will support us and help us work through those emotions, too. So, no shame here, mama! And we are here to walk alongside you.?

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post? Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!

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FOMO: The Fear Of (Our Kids) Missing Out

9 / 16 / 199 / 16 / 19

Jen

Well, tomorrow night is the last t-ball game of the season, and while I’m a little relieved to get our Thursday nights back, I’m also panicking a bit!

Anna
Anna

Uh oh, why?

Anna
Jen

Because a part of me feels like I should start looking for what’s next? C has a long list of things he wants to try – gymnastics, basketball, etc. ⚽???? Do you ever feel like that?

Anna
Anna

Oh my goodness, yes. There’s so much pressure on us as parents to have their whole life mapped out! What sport do they excel at? What instruments do they play? How will that help them get into Yale? ??

Anna
Jen

And what if all of the other kids are taking part now, and by the time we take part he’ll be way behind?!

Anna
Anna

Yes!! One time when B was 9, she got interested in playing softball. I talked to a seasoned softball mom and she said Bella was really too old to join a team, unless we wanted to start our own team. I was like – are you kidding me? She was too late at age 9?!

Anna
Jen

That’s crazy! It’s so intense. That’s why part of me wants to give C a range of experiences now while the pressure is so low – so that he can just focus on learning the game, meeting new friends, and having fun. And then if he wants to continue pursuing one or two later, great! If not, no worries.

I just struggle with the balance of having enough down-time for all of us too.

Anna
Anna

I think that’s really smart, and YES on the down-time issue. We have something every evening except Friday this fall. I guess it’s all about asking ourselves — Why are we doing each of these things? Do we really stop to ask that?

Anna
Jen

Ha, it sounds so simple when you put it that way!
And you have to think of what’s best for the whole family, too. Being out and in over-stimulating environments too often, especially during the school week, can be a lot for C’s brother. So I’ve found that when we’re overscheduled that burn-out trickles down through all of us.

Anna
Anna

Definitely. It’s like we’re all just trying to make it to Friday night.?

Anna
Jen

Ha, yep. I do have to say, though, I’ve been pleasantly surprised at times, too. Having a couple activities of their own has given each of our boys their own thing separate from one another, and has given them the chance to support one another.

Also, I was hesitant to have C take part in a couple small summer camps because we were already looking at a crazy busy summer. I am so glad he had those opportunities now – it gave him some time away from the summer chaos (we were in the midst of moving!) to make some memories that didn’t involve unpacking boxes.

Anna
Anna

Aw, that’s great!! And that’s a really good point too. There are benefits to doing these “extra” things — I think that’s one reason why we push forward with them. I mean, I can’t tell you how much fun we had as a family watching T play baseball this summer! We had the matching t-shirts and everything. Ha. ????

Anna
Jen

I think for me, I start to see everyone’s kids on social media participating in all these activities and I panic that it’s not one we’ve tried yet – or one I haven’t exposed them to yet.? But they’ll still grow up to be well-rounded little people even if they don’t do it all!

Anna
Anna

YES! It’s so easy to get into comparison mode. Some of the players on T’s baseball team are playing soccer now for the conditioning. OK, YES. Great. But T didn’t want to play soccer at all. So it’s like — Do I force that? Or do I say to myself — That’s a good idea, but it’s not right for us this fall. And be at peace with that?

Anna
Jen

Right?! C told me he wanted to play soccer again next time the opportunity came around, and I was like, “Really?” He didn’t look like he was loving the run up and down the field, but apparently he’s ready to do it again!

Anna
Anna

Ha! Well, it’s so hard to know what our kids really want and need! I doubt their answers, to be honest!? I worry that tomorrow or next week they will change their minds! This fall, Tab wanted to quit dance (which she has taken since age 3) and take sewing classes! Sewing?!

Anna
Jen

How sweet! I’ve found that if I trust my gut as to whether or not it’s a good time for us, and if I trust the path set out by the opportunities God’s putting in front of us, so far we’ve done ok.

Anna
Anna

For sure. When I get really confused about what to do with the kids, I pray about it and ask God to lead us to the things that He wants for them, in their lives right now, for whatever reason. Because all I see is the moment. I know he sees farther.

Anna
Jen

So true. I remember Katie sharing a while back that her son was so excited to find out there was nothing on the calendar that day, and it’s always stayed in the back of my mind. I’ve tried to make sure we always have down time, but they also get a wide range of exposure/experience… I guess stumbling from time to time trying to find the right balance for our families, and each kid in our family, is to be expected.?

Anna
Anna

I think so too. And there’s no “right” way to tailor their lives as far as extracurriculars. When we start to get that panicky feeling because we feel like our kid is missing out on something, or getting left behind, take a deep breath and pray about it. Ask God to lead us and lead our child to use our time the way He knows is best. After all, He’s the tailor, not us, right? ✂

Anna
Jen

So true. And what’s best for each family is different – so when I feel that panicky fear that my kid might be missing out sneak in, I’m going to try and turn it into a prayer of celebration/thanks for the opportunities God is working into the lives of friends and family, too. If we’re meant to get there, we will…when the time is right.

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV): “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
  • Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV):  “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'”
  • Galatians 4:6 (ESV): “Don’t compare yourself with others. Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of. You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.”
  • Psalm 121: 1-2 (NIV): “I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made Heaven and Earth.”

Music to inspire you:

  • “I Will Trust” by Elevation Worship 

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • “When to Push Your Children” by Katherine Martinelli and the Child Mind Institute
  • “Is Your Child Overscheduled? Kids Needs ‘Down Time’” (Cleveland Clinic)

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • “When Mom Feels Anxious”

Living Out the Truth 

Ideas to try: 

  • Thank God for the ways He has designed your child (remember there is a unique and beautiful design!), and the opportunities he/she has had so far. If you like to journal, make a prayer or list of these things, simply thanking God.
  • Take a moment to separate yourself from what every family around you is doing. Now think, pray, and talk with your spouse/family:
    • What is best for US right now?
    • What do we need right now?
    • What does my child need most right now? 
    • Where does God appear to be leading us? What doors are closing and what doors are opening?

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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