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Tag Archives: Apologizing

Managing Mayhem and Tornadoes

12 / 19 / 164 / 12 / 18

Laura
Laura

Okay, guys, My hubby invited some guys and a few of their kids over for a Sunday afternoon football game yesterday.  No big thing.  I hardly even felt pressure to clean the bathroom! The boys and I did take the time to pick up the toys in the basement, so there would be space for the 8 kids to play, but that was it…

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

Ha, I am cracking up thinking about how when we know company is coming over, we run through the cleaning meter – does this mean we have to clear off the counters or just pick up the playroom?? Good work not going overboard. 😏

Michelle
Laura
Laura

😉

I kept my cleanliness desires in check this time!  I didn’t even apologize to them that everything wasn’t perfect!  

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

I mean, that deserves a slow clap right there!! 👏

Michelle
Laura
Laura

Thank you, thank you very much! Lol!

 

Well, because the guys were “in charge,” I went upstairs to do my own thing for a bit, and then I heard it!  Smashing.  Crashing.  Chaos.  I dared not go down!

Laura
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

I can clearly picture the internal struggle – can you ignore what you just heard and pretend like it didn’t happen?  😖

Jessica Sorosiak
Michelle
Michelle

Love our men dearly but – do you think they even noticed what all was happening with the game on? 😜

Michelle
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

Probably not – but there’s something to be said about having a one track mind! #itisscience #iamjealous

Jessica Sorosiak
Laura
Laura

Exactly, because the kids run up to me and say they dumped out every single bin of toys because they were pretending to be criminals. 🙄

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

Ha, like it was really needed that every last bin was thrown over in the hunt for the bad guys!! They really have no idea how that mess translates in a mom’s head!

Michelle
Laura
Laura

I felt like they really were criminals!  That mess was a crime against MY clean basement!  

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

Ha, yes! #whatgoesthroughamomshead

Michelle
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

Haha!  I know that feeling!

Jessica Sorosiak
Laura
Laura

Sadly, this is pretty typical behavior around here.  We literally called Jesse “mayhem” when he was just months old.  There seriously should be an insurance commercial about toddlers.  They can totally keep up with that Mayhem guy!

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

Oh, my daughters could definitely star in that commercial! Especially Ellie. Last week I was getting ready to host some MOPS moms for our Christmas party and literally ten minutes before everyone was arriving, she threw out every single plate in her drawer all over the kitchen floor! She is like a little tornado! She’s a cute tornado, but holy cow, she sure loves to stir up a mess!

Michelle
Laura
Laura

I know what you mean. I don’t think Jesse  intentionally tries to be destructive, but I think it may just be part of his DNA. 😕 So I told him we had  to clean it up.  A phrase he has heard about a million times in his short life.  Today, fortunately for him, my anger was tempered by guests. 😜

Laura
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

Sometimes I’m grateful for the presence of other people.  It helps me react in the way I should, rather in the way I want (which is always overly emotional).

Jessica Sorosiak
Laura
Laura

Yes!! Anyway, this got me thinking about the messes I make.  I mean, I can make a good mess in the name of a project! 🔧🔨🔩

Laura
Michelle
Michelle

Oh, me too. Much to my hubby’s chagrin!

Michelle
Laura
Laura

Yeah, mine too. But I’m not just talented at making a physical mess.  I can make a real mess of my family or even my friendships or my mind with just a few unchecked thoughts or words that dump out of my heart/mouth faster than Jesse can dump every bin of toys in the basement!

Laura
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

I’ve walked that path more times than I care to admit.  Sometimes words come out of my mouth that are not loving and I instantly regret them.  I know I lose my temper way too quickly with my three-year-old and I’ve said some hurtful things.

Jessica Sorosiak
Michelle
Michelle

Oh, I can sadly join that club too. I seem to be the master of letting crazy thoughts cruise down the what-if path and freak myself out before I reign them in. Ugh.

Michelle
Laura
Laura

That feeling of regret and shame is a heavy burden! But you know what else I thought of?

Laura
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

Please tell me it’s something helpful because I’m feeling really guilty right now! 😕

Jessica Sorosiak
Laura
Laura

God can completely clean up our messes.  In fact, He already has!  His forgiveness comes before I even ask.  

Laura
Jessica Sorosiak
Jessica Sorosiak

That’s such a hard thing to accept, but you’re right!

Jessica Sorosiak
Michelle
Michelle

Don’t you wish there was a button we could press in these moments to actually internalize this grace? I mean, I know He gives me grace but actually living like it is a whole other story. Amazing what it would like in my motherhood and in my life if I truly accepted His grace. 

Michelle
Laura
Laura

Yes! And that doesn’t mean there won’t be consequences for my actions.  There will be apologies, maybe tough conversations, and probably time to rebuild trust.  But in the midst there we are… as white as the snow in my backyard (before the boys went all mayhem on it!).  That’s a clean up I can get on board with– fast!

Laura

 

Soaking in the Truth

 

Scripture to encourage you:

    • If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
    • Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32
    • Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

Music to inspire you:

    • Grace Wins by Matthew West
    • Jesus Paid It All

Readings to come alongside of you:

    • How to Keep Yourself From Yelling at Kids Even When You are Hopping Mad by A Fine Parent
    • What If I Did This Parenting-Thing with Grace by Kacey Van Norman
    • Grace-Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

 

Living Out the Truth

 

Ideas to try:

    • When my hubby and I start to overreact to a mess or any situation really, we just look at one another and say, “molehill.”  This reminds us to take a deep breathe, even when the mess is really bad, and treat our kids with kindness and see the problem as molehill, not a mountain.  It doesn’t always work, but it a strategy!
    • Apologize!  It sounds simple, but it can be difficult.  If you find yourself regretting how you handled a situation with your child, pull them aside and apologize to them for your behavior.  Not only does this model good behaviors for them to use in the future, but it can open up the opportunity for a conversation about what happened in a loving way.
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I Made My Child Cry

12 / 2 / 16

an4-made-child-cry

Anna
Anna

Ahhh…I had a total mom fail tonight and I made Libby cry… Feeling really bad. 😞

Anna
Desi Kippes

Oh dear. What happened?!

Michelle
Michelle

Ugh, I’ve definitely been there before. Fill us in…

Michelle
Anna
Anna

I was in cleaning mode, rushing around the house trying so hard to make some progress, and all of the sudden she said, “Come look, Mommy! I’m all done!”

All I saw was a trail of BLACK paint drips between us and the dining room table. On the carpet. 😵😖😤

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

😳😳 Oh my goodness, I can totally imagine this scene and your horror! Ugh!

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Yeah, I kinda freaked out…and then the rest of the family stopped to see what she did. She looked at us and started bawling.

Anna
Desi Kippes

Oh no. Poor girl. 😞 And poor Mom! What did you do?

Anna
Anna

I took a deep breath and asked her, “Can I still see your painting?” She said, with tears still on her cheeks, “Okay… See the pink wings?”

It was so sweet, and so pitiful–I could have KICKED myself for reacting that way about the (washable) paint on the floor.

Anna
Desi Kippes

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Kids are WAY more resilient than we think.

And heck, I probably would’ve said something far worse. 😊

Michelle
Michelle

I agree with Desi. We all have those knee-jerk reactions especially when we’re focused on getting something done! But I’m sure I would have felt like you.

Michelle
Anna
Anna

I just wish that I could stop and think before I spew my feelings on my kids! 😥

Anna
Desi Kippes

You know, sometimes I think it’s actually good for them to see us lose it. (Not that this should be our excuse for every blow-up. 😉 )

But seriously, the important part is how you handle yourself AFTER the blow-up because then you get to model how to apologize and deal with emotions. 😉

Anna
Anna

I guess you’re right. I know there’s something to learn here about slowing down before I speak and using self-control, but blow-ups are just going to happen sometimes. (Sigh) I model apologizing A.LOT.

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

I know it feels really defeating because I am right there with you but I think you are doing some amazing parenting in those modeling moments. You’re teaching them what it looks like to be humble in the real world, and I personally think they will remember those tender moments much more than the blow-ups.

And more than that, when we pick up the pieces and tell them we love them and receive their unconditional love back, we model for them how God loves us. And I think that’s the whole point, right?

Michelle
Anna
Anna

Right. That’s true…

Anna
Desi Kippes

I bet she learned more from you apologizing and recovering than she would from you always being calm, cool, and collected.

Anna
Anna

Yeah, I guess you’re right. Hmm–so always being totally calm isn’t the goal?

Anna
Michelle
Michelle

Sometimes I’d like to  think that’s the goal but then I realize I can’t execute that 100%.  So I’m realizing there is a deeper purpose in our goal as moms and it has to do with depending on God to do what we can’t. And I think that’s the truest picture of grace in motherhood: asking God to help us in our needy moments and accepting His grace when we totally blow it.

Michelle
Desi Kippes

Amen. But for some twisted reason it seems easier to beat myself up, and feel bad and rehash an event – as though I need to punish myself or something. But God is there extending his grace and forgiveness, and I just need to accept it. (Both from Him and the people I apologize to!) It sounds like Libby forgives you, and she’ll be okay! Now you just have to forgive yourself and accept the very grace you give your children. 😊 Hang in there, Mama!

Anna
Anna

Thanks. Okay–time to forgive myself and move on! And maybe I’m a little bit more ready for the next spill…whether that’s paint, milk, juice…or my emotions. Or all of the above. 😉

Anna

truth to inhale

Soaking In the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8
  • “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”  John 8:11.

Music to inspire you:

  • “Your Grace is Enough” by Matt Maher

Readings to come alongside of you:

  • “My Surprising Secret to Success as a Mom” from FamilyLife.
  • “Where You Sit is How You Stand” from Proverbs 31.
  • “10 Things To Do Differently Before You Lose Your Temper” from LisaJo Baker’s blog.
  • “The Most Life-Changing Thing Any Woman Can Do For Herself This Mothers Day”  from A Holy Experience. (Note, this is a post about grace for moms, don’t let the title fool you.)

truth to exhale

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • As moms we know that moment when we have said enough, but for some reason we just keep going. Try stopping yourself at that point where you know your words are being hurtful and not helpful.
  • One thing I have tried when I am really frustrated is to begin praying out loud for wisdom and patience. It’s a double-win because my kids get to see me ask God for help, and I am tapping into God’s power to help me in the situation.
  • It’s sometimes impossible, but take a minute (or five!) to decompress, especially if that means having a calmer outlook and responding more lovingly to your kids. Take a moment in the bathroom and close the door.
  • Sometimes we’re not ready to talk it out, but when you’re ready, revisit the situation that you didn’t handle well and talk it through (even if it’s the next day). Apologize, if needed, to your kiddos. It can be hard to know what to say, but that modeling is so key for them to understand what to do when they lose it.
  • Then, forgive yourself and move on! Don’t beat yourself up about it. Read articles above for more on that!

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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