Tag Archives: Katie Duh

In Changing Phases: A Time to Mourn and a Time to Dance

My eight-year-old son wants to talk about his favorite NFL football players and their stats all.day.long. Every day. The amount of sports trivia he can remember and recite is absolutely mind-boggling to me.

Let’s be honest, I’ve never been interested in football or any other sport for that matter. I’m not athletic. I did not grow up in a sports-loving family. I don’t particularly want to spend all day, every day talking about which quarterback holds the record for most passing touchdowns or who is the best rookie wide receiver this season.

However, I love my son. I want to connect with him. So, I’m working at learning football. My brain will probably never be able to store all the stats that his apparently can. But, I can now correctly identify the logo of each and every one of the 32 teams in the NFL. It doesn’t come naturally to me, but football trivia is a gateway to connecting with my son in this season of his life.

Aside from being sports-obsessed, my eight-year-old also has a sense of humor that makes no sense to anyone else. (My teacher friend who works with students from K-8th grade assures me this is true of all 3rd graders. I hope she’s right!). He has an argumentative, know-it-all streak. When he starts back-talking, I almost wish for the days of toddler tantrums. Between my four children, I have had lots of experience with toddler tantrums (and still do – my youngest is 2 ½!?). But, I don’t have a clue yet about how to respond to eight-year-old attitude.

It would be easy for me to mourn how my oldest son has changed over the years. Can we rollback time to when he would fall asleep in my arms? When we bonded over books about construction vehicles? When we finger painted and played catch with a squishy ball in the basement? When he didn’t argue with every word out of my mouth?

And, yet, I don’t want to go back in time. When my son asks me to play chess, it’s a real game. He wins just as often as I do. In my book, this is an upgrade from playing Candyland.

Just last week, I had the privilege of talking with my son in a deep and meaningful way about friendship. How to respond when a friend lies and does something hurtful, how to confront, and how to forgive. I witnessed my son work things out with his friend and they have been riding bikes or playing basketball together in our driveway after school every day this week.

My son now asks thoughtful questions about the Bible and about God. There are so many exciting opportunities to connect and to learn with him. So, I’m choosing to dance and celebrate who he is and how I can interact with him in this new phase of his development…even if it means learning much more about football than I ever wanted to know!

In the same way, I can find myself mourning the challenges of the two-year-old developmental stage of my youngest son. I can find myself wishing for the day when I will no longer have to watch the clock and remind him to use the bathroom at regularly scheduled intervals. Wishing for him to outgrow his separation anxiety when I drop him off in the church nursery each week. Wishing for the stage when he can clearly communicate what he wants without melting into tears.

But, I don’t want to wish for time to hurry with my youngest either. I want to savor and celebrate the moments that he crawls up into my lap for a story, the nights he wants me to rock him to sleep, and the last few remnants of baby talk he still uses. We aren’t having deep conversations about anything, but I can tell we are planting seeds. This week, he has been asking regularly, “God made me? God made you?” I’ve had the privilege of assuring him that yes, indeed, God made each and every one of us!

Time brings change. For us moms, this means our kids are constantly moving from one phase to another. Usually at a rate that is hard for me to keep up with. And while it is ok to acknowledge and mourn what is difficult at each stage (because there are always several difficult and frustrating parts to each stage!), I also want to learn to dance and celebrate what is exciting about each stage. Because each new stage presents unique ways to connect with my kids and opportunities to point them to their Creator.

?Written by Katie Duh

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: … a time to mourn and a time to dance.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4b, NIV)
  • “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV)
  • “And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.” (Luke 2:52, NIV) As my kids grow through each developmental stage, my prayer is that they also grow in wisdom and in favor with God and man.
  • “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12, NIV)

Music to inspire you:

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Check out these Developmental Milestones Charts, created by the CDC for children birth to five-years old or for children 6-8 years old. When I take the time to learn about the stage of development my children are going through, I can be better equipped to connect with them.
  • Take some time praying individually for each of your children and the stage he/she is in. Ask God to show you how He is at work during this phase of his/her life. Ask Him for wisdom about how to connect with your children in this unique season.

Treasured Products we love:

  • Love You Forever by Robert Munsch A classic children’s book and one that I often include in a shower gift for a new mom! It still makes me cry every time I read it. A beautiful description of the challenges and blessings of each stage we experience with our children.

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

 

 

Moms in Progress: Lauren Hattinger

Welcome to our new and improved series here on the blog.  We have loved celebrating our mom wins these last couple of years.  It’s one of our favorite parts of Texting the Truth! But sometimes it feels like a win can be hard to come by.  And even when we “win” at something, we know it might just be one of many battles we fight on our journey through motherhood.  So we’ve decided to update our “Mom Win Wednesday” series to reflect this journey, the moving from one victory to the next. “Moms in Progress” will be our new space to share through texts about moms like you who are on the road of progress not perfection.  If you’d like to share a little bit of your journey please click here and answer a few simple questions. We will take care of the rest! And so without further ado our first (of many) Moms in Progress…

Katie

Today we are excited to introduce Lauren Hattinger to the Texting the Truth community!

Lauren

Thanks, Katie. Glad to be here.

Katie

I have been blessed by your friendship ever since our college days! But, can you introduce yourself to our readers by sharing a little about your family?

Lauren

Of course. My family consists of my husband, Scott, and I and our two daughters. Gwen is 4.5 years and Ava is 3 years old.

Katie

Paint a picture for us of what daily life has been like for you over the past few years.

Lauren

I live with the connective tissue condition called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which causes my joints to slip and pop out of place. It’s painful and, at times, completely disabling.

Towards the end of my second pregnancy, though, I had symphysis pubis dysfunction and plenty of back pain. After Ava was born, I had much more back pain and trouble walking. When I couldn’t lift my legs enough to climb the stairs at home, I knew something was terribly wrong. Turns out my pelvic joints were separated and completely unstable to a degree usually only seen in high impact car accidents or falling off a horse!

Katie

Oh, my! I’m sure that is not how you expected your postpartum days to look!

Lauren

Unexpected for sure! I ended up using a walker to get around my house for 4 months. I barely managed to feed my baby and put her down in the pack n’ play two steps away. I couldn’t care for my toddler. I sat by helplessly while she threw tantrums. I had no idea how to parent a toddler in normal circumstances, let alone while being disabled. Satan hurled doubt at me every hour of every day. I was weak and weary, confused why God would let this happen.

About 3 weeks postpartum, I was trying to fall back to sleep after a night time feed. In that moment, I felt God reveal to me why my pelvis had to break apart. During labor my daughter was in distress with a tight umbilical cord, and she needed to come quickly. God chose the natural route for her – which meant I needed to break. I could accept the why, but questions about how my family would survive this season loomed and threatened my sanity.

Katie

So what did you do?

Lauren

We started to accept and hire help to care for my toddler. And I started intensive physical therapy. I had to relearn how to walk. How to pivot while carrying a crying newborn back and forth across the room – baby in one arm and cane in the other. We came up with practical strategies – step stools and ladders for everything my toddler needed to get into – her chair, her bed, the car. Two years after giving birth I completed physical therapy. I no longer have to calculate the worthiness of each step before I take it. Praise God!

Katie

So do you feel like God was teaching you anything during those years when life and motherhood didn’t seem to be turning out the way you planned or expected?

Lauren

Definitely! My natural bent is towards a type A personality in school, work, and raising children (I’m type B when it comes to housekeeping, though! ?) Although I knew God was ultimately in control, I almost thought that with enough forethought and planning I could determine my family’s fate. I could keep us safe from harm and mold my children into obedient lovers of Christ from the beginning.

Then, when I couldn’t even walk, I went from being an overachiever to little more than a source of milk for my baby. God used this circumstance to humble me and draw me to depend on him for strength. It is written in 2 Corinthians 12:9 that Christ’s strength is made perfect in weakness. But how? What does that mean when you can’t put one foot in front of the other?

I still ponder this verse. At times it is uplifting and makes sense to me, and in weaker moments I am just confused and seeking an answer.

Katie

Yes! You and I were just talking about that verse the other day!

Lauren

At times in my life, I have missed the truth that I am not God, there is only one God. And that I do not have the power to change circumstances or people. Only He can do his divine work in our lives. Accepting my humble position as servant and not as master has been an ongoing process that I wrestle with daily.

I’ve lived with Ehlers Danlos my whole life, even before I knew the name for it. I always persevered to accomplish my goals. Becoming a parent stopped me in my tracks (literally, ha!). I now acknowledge that I have a physical disability. I can’t believe I said it out loud. I have to parent differently. My house functions differently. I still strive to do more than I possibly should. But I finally have come to rest in the Lord and share the burden with him.

Katie

Do you have any words of encouragement for other moms who are in the trenches?

Lauren

You know, I have read a lot of parenting books – maybe 20 or so. You could say I’ve been obsessed with learning everything I can and putting it into practice (hello, type A). I still find all those insights from parenting authors helpful, but really letting go and trusting God with my children has been the biggest blessing of all. Put off guilt, judgement, self-loathing, and condemnation and rejoice that He has the power and love to transform your littles into who he wants them to be.

I keep this plaque of Psalm 145:8 by my kitchen sink:

As moms, we need to accept grace – really. The Lord is not sitting on your shoulder waiting to crack the whip. He is slow to anger and lavishing heaps of love on you.

Katie

So true and words I need to really let sink into my own heart on a daily basis! Before we go here, what is a mom win that you would text to a friend?

Lauren

“It only took one Crazin to get my toddler into the carseat!” Even with a broken pelvis, at first, I refused to bribe my children to cooperate. But one day I realized that bribes would not ruin my children. It’s one Crazin to complete one task of getting my toddler to climb by herself into the carseat. It means in that moment, I won’t dislocate my shoulder or my hip trying to wrangle her in. And that is a WIN.