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Tag Archives: surrender

A Time to Tear Down and a Time to Build

10 / 1 / 1810 / 1 / 18

There’s nothing like building a gigantic fort in the middle of the family room! Rainy days are perfect for this, and we had a long one just the other day. My three kids went straight to work pulling in chairs, couch cushions, blankets, pillows, and flashlights. They planned and stretched sheets together, sectioning off their “areas,” and bringing in their snacks, books, and loveys.

Later that evening, we all came together in the family room to practice the piano and watch TV… but we couldn’t do anything because of the crumbling fort. It went something like this:

My husband, Ryan: “Kids, it’s time to tear down the fort and put it away.”
Kids: “Nooooo! We can’t do thaaaat!”
Ryan: “Yes. It’s time. You’ve played with it the whole day.”
Kids: “But we caaaaan’t! It’s the best fort we’ve ever made and we’re still playing with it!”
Ryan: “It was a good fort, I know. But we need to use the family room for something else.”
Kids: “Noooo! We love it! We’ll never be able to make one like this again!”
Ryan: “Yes, you will. But for right now, we need to clean up and take care of our house.”

You get the picture. Eventually, the fort was put away and we had a family room to use again.

I started thinking about how whiny my kids are, and how they don’t obey the first time we ask. But in the middle of my sad thoughts, God whispered, This was you, over the past three years.

Well, ouch. The more I thought about it, the more I knew this was exactly true.

A little over three years ago, I found myself physically and spiritually cluttered. I had two jobs, two blogs, three kids, and a host of little volunteer positions. I had a hernia that I was ignoring, a relentless eye twitch, and I hadn’t read a book for fun in years. Every time I started a Bible study, I couldn’t put my full heart into it. I had too much on my plate. I had built fort upon fort upon fort. I like to think I was a “fort collector,” but that’s what all the hoarders say. ?

And my “forts” were GOOD! They were all good and beautiful things. But now (looking back) I know that God was asking me to tear them down. And I didn’t want to. I remember crying to a mentor of mine, saying, “I just don’t know what to give up. I know it’s too much, but I love all of these things that I’m doing.”

So for a year, I maintained all of the “forts” I had up, squished in together, falling apart in some places, but still there. The thought of tearing down a fort that you love is painful and scary. My thoughts were just like my kids’ thoughts: But I still love this. But I’ll never be able to build this again. And one even deeper, more adult thought: But this is part of who I am. Who am I without this?

These kinds of thoughts can stop you dead in your tracks.

However, in my efforts to take care of my forts and my family, I didn’t have any time to devote to taking care of myself.

I’ve been studying the book of Joshua, and it’s like “Journey to the Promised Land, Take Two.” Moses has died, and God has called Joshua to take over and lead the people into the Promised Land after so many years of wandering. God says it is time to move on. He gives Joshua specific instructions about when and where to go, stop, or linger. It is a perfect example of how God leads His people.

God promises to be with them and fight mightily and make miracles happen, but their job is to inquire, listen, and then act on it in obedience. When he says fight, they are to fight. When he says tear down, they are to tear down. When they are to build up, they are to build up. There is a time for everything, and the Lord is telling them what time it is.

I often say, “God’s timing is perfect.” But do I really believe it? It’s hard to act on it when He’s nudging me to tear something down, or build something new, or take on an intimidating battle or journey, like He did with the Israelites. I wonder if they were tempted to settle right there on the east side of the Jordan, and not fight any more battles. I bet they would have had a good, fine life. But God said, “I have another plan. It’s the BEST plan. Will you follow me and trust me?”

Over the next two years of my life, I slowly tore down my forts, one at a time. I sought confirmation from the Lord again and again, to make sure this was right. And He patiently said yes. I can imagine standing next to my kids for THREE YEARS, waiting for them to take down a gigantic fort. I would lose my mind! Ha. ? Fortunately, God is much more patient than I am.

Here I am, with only one fort still left (this blog!), and one new fort. Yes, there is room for something NEW to be built! I am taking better care of my body and spirit these days. I can read an entire book. I’m doing a Bible study with my whole heart invested. I feel like, in a way, the thing that is being built up is me.

I’d like to leave you with these words. Read them slowly and let them sink into your soul:

You are worth being built up.

The time it takes to build into you is a good investment.

God honors what you’ve given out of your emptiness.

“Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day…” (Ephesians 2:22, MSG)

?Anna

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be tear down and a time to build,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3b, NIV)
  • “He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV)
  • “For he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” (Psalm 107: 9, NIV)
  • “And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit.” (Ephesians 2:22, NIV)
  • “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, NIV)
  • The book of Joshua

Music to inspire you:

  • “God of All My Days” by Casting Crowns
  • “Redeemed” by Big Daddy Weave
  • “You Say” by Lauren Daigle

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • A New Season to Hold Loosely…“We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to do the rest.”
  • The Best Yes by Lysa Terkeurst
  • Organizing You by Shannon Upton
  • 5-Minute Retreats for Moms by Sue Augustine

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Beautiful in His Time: A New Season
  • Not So “Quiet Time”

    Living Out the Truth

    Ideas to try:

  • Do an inventory of your “forts.” Ask God to show you if there are any that need to be taken down. Maybe a fort needs to stay in your house, but not in your living room.  Maybe a fort needs so major maintenance to be salvaged. Maybe there’s a fort that you need build. Like Joshua, let God lead you through your “house” to find out what needs to be torn down and what needs to be built up in you.  
  • As a mom, I feel like it’s an ever-present challenge to take care of myself. My children are one massive fort that obviously needs to stay put and be continually maintained. I can’t do everything, however, I can section off a space in my “family room” with bright-orange caution tape for just self-care. That’s not being selfish; it’s actually making me a better mom.
  • This was a very hard new habit for me to develop. I’m still working on it. Here’s how I got started:
    • I talked to a couple people that I trusted about how I was feeling–first, my mom and my husband, then some trusted friends.
    • I thought and prayed about what things in my life were draining me. I slowly stepped away from those things. It was not without some tears, but I felt a huge sense of relief afterward.
    • I started looking for little pockets of time that I could steal away for myself, like:
      an early morning coffee and reading/writing time alone on a Saturday morning,
      a 30-minute walk after dinner, or
      a shopping trip by myself.
    • I started allowing myself to not feel guilty about going out with girlfriends for a breakfast or dinner, and leaving my family at home for a little bit.
    • I read 5-Minute Retreats for Moms. There are tons of ideas in there!
    • The next time I took the kids to the library, I picked out a fiction book for myself.
    • I made doctor’s appointments for myself that were long overdue. I bought myself vitamins and started taking them regularly.
    • I found moms to carpool with so I wasn’t spending all my time driving.
  • In Organizing You, Shannon suggests that you take one day per week that you do not clean the house or run errands — instead, it is “You Day.” (Don’t you just love the sound of that?!) She says, “This is the day to set aside some time…to work on things that aren’t so repetitive… You need to schedule some time for things that fill you up and give you joy in the Lord,” (pg 95-97).
  • Swap a day of the week with another mom — maybe she wants an hour to herself too! Or find a teenage neighbor to babysit the kids for two hours a week. Join the Y and take your kids to Child Watch. Be creative to find that self-care time.
  • {These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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Moms in Progress: Virginia Forste

9 / 19 / 189 / 18 / 18

Anna
Anna

Today we welcome one of our readers, Virginia Forste, to our “Moms in Progress” feature!

Anna
Virginia

Hi everyone! I’m excited to be with you all today. Here’s our family photo session, 2018. It only takes 212 tries to get everyone smiling and looking at the same direction!

Anna
Anna

Only 212? ? Family photos sessions exhaust me just thinking about them. But obviously yours was all worth it because this is a great pic! Now tell us a little bit about your family.

Anna
Virginia

My husband, Robbie and I celebrated our 11th anniversary in June. We have a 4-year old son named Cole and a 3-year old daughter named Hannah. Having children 21 months apart is great; a lot of the time they play well together. Part of the time they enjoy “physical disagreements.” My son is silly, sweet, athletic and adventurous. My daughter is very attached to mama which I thoroughly enjoy most of the time; have you ever tried to tie your shoes while someone sits in your lap? ?  Besides being a true mama’s girl, my daughter is silly, helpful and curious. In other words, life can be quite chaotic or it can be an absolute joy. My daughter admires my son greatly and therefore knows a lot more about construction and transportation vehicles than I did, until I actually learned about them alongside him when he turned two. Hannah is not opposed to princess-y things and I am willingly brainwashing her with multiple things Disney. I know they are not perfect; I have more than a few stories as proof, but I am choosing to dwell on the positives. I can only imagine the comments they’ll make about me in the future. Oh boy.

Anna
Anna

Haha! Well, you’re one smart lady for dwelling on the positives!

So tell us, do you wear any other hats in addition to your [big, gigantic, hugely significant] mom hat?

Anna
Virginia

No, right now I’m in the season of “just Mom.” I do casually sell Plexus wellness products. I no longer bug my friends but I am happy to share. I joined the company because I had a lot of digestive issues and they have greatly improved that situation.

Anna
Anna

That’s good to hear. I’ve heard a lot of good things about Plexus!

So I love asking other moms this question: What is your current favorite book, podcast, or blog?

Anna
Virginia

I recently read and recommend To Love, Honor and Vacuum by Sheila Gregoire. Any book or YouTube video by Jon Acuff is entertaining (check out “Booty God Booty”); I can relate to his appreciation of 90s R&B, and although he takes Jesus seriously, he does not take Christian living seriously. I listen to Andy Stanley’s Northpoint Church sermons on a regular basis.

Anna
Anna

I’ve been thinking about reading that book! So thanks for the recommendation! All good stuff.

What is your favorite mom product?

Anna
Virginia

I found a visor hat (Amazon, of course) that has an enormous brim which is great for any outdoor adventure. It’s comically large, but I’m not embarrassed. After all, I’d hate for it to detract from my fanny pack. Don’t let the random company name dissuade you. I wear this thing all the time. Go for it, be wild. No sunburn on your nose! 

Anna
Anna

I love it!! Stuff moms need to survive!

Next question: What is the last thing you made for dinner?

Anna
Virginia

My creativity disappears by dinnertime. Last night I prepared a personal pizza, four chicken nuggets and baked apples and they shared it all.

P.S. Have you used an air fryer? Best invention ever!

Anna
Anna

No! But I want to! Adding it to my Christmas list now.

Here’s a little deeper question: Share a recent experience that has challenged your mothering.

Anna
Virginia

My son challenges me daily. It’s just funny to say out loud but when you are mothering, raising a human, there are so many areas to train up. So I am trying to change language that we do not say in our home that he repeats from a friend at school, and then minutes later, I’m trying to teach him what to do when he is angry without hitting his sister, and then after that to say “please” and “thank you.” If only I could work on one thing at a time. This is why I have to tell the pediatrician that I only brush my child’s teeth once per day (eh hem…most days…).

Anna
Anna

Right!?! There is only SO much time in one day. I hear ya, girl.

In light of this challenge, what is a victory (small or large) that you could share to encourage other moms who are doing the same thing?

Anna
Virginia

What I can share are resources that are helping me. I enjoy reading, so there are many books I can recommend, like How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen  by Joanna Faber (more resources listed at the bottom of this post). But my real interest is in true crime and psychology. I read so that I can use psychological techniques on my children so that my days do not turn into a true crime.

I believe empathy is a key need of all human beings. If you can’t give at least one utterance of “I’ve been there” or “Oh, that sounds really tough” or “I have felt that way too” to someone else, then understand your relationships will most likely lack depth. You don’t have to pour out your soul and confess your worst sin, but we all want to be reassured we are not alone.

Anna
Anna

So true. I definitely like hearing that I’m not the only one in a certain situation. And that’s a good tip for moms who may be wondering why their friendships are lacking something. It takes a bit of vulnerability.

OK, now my favorite question: What is the funniest thing your kids have said or done recently?

Anna
Virginia

About a few months ago, after I finished the dishes I went upstairs to check on my children. It was that mischief-making quiet. I opened the bathroom door and they had diaper cream all over their faces and the bathroom. I was so furious. My son said, “We’re zombies!” I wonder, will he be a makeup artist in the future? Thankfully, my husband later complimented him on his creativity. This is why two parents are required; hopefully they aren’t going to be full of rage at the same time.

Anna
Anna

YES! That is the hope.? Love it. I hope you took pictures. 

Do you have any general words of encouragement for other moms in the trenches like you?

Anna
Virginia

When you are so angry that homicide starts to look appealing, it’s time to lock yourself in the bathroom and text your friends. Accept the encouragement and don’t beat yourself up; that helps no one. Remember we all will have highs and lows, even those moms who appear to have it all together. They’re probably drinking wine or inhaling Nutella in the kitchen during naptime and texting their friends too. I watch silly Saturday Night Live videos. Do what works for you; tension is bad for your relationships and your health.

Anna
Anna

Oh…You make me laugh! But this is so true!!!

One final big question: What has God been teaching you in motherhood or in life?

Anna
Virginia

God has opened my eyes that I have little power and that I must rely on Him for parenting advice and everything else. It’s funny because we moms hear messages all day long, whether from media, family or our own brains. I even tell strangers how to judge me! You should be able to control your children. You should be able to keep the house clean and your family fed during the course of an entire day. You should take care of yourself; put down that coffee cake and exercise! You should be doing daily devotions with your children. You should date your husband once a week. Essentially we are telling ourselves we must be perfect in all facets of life at all times as each small message is reinforced by a sermon we hear or a random comment by a well-meaning friend or family member.

I enjoy watching Dr. Oz. I certainly am interested in hearing “the three herbal supplements that will boost my energy or weight loss!” However, if you applied every bit of advice from each Dr. Oz show, I doubt you would have time to do anything else! 

Anna
Anna

Oh my gosh, yes!! You just can’t do it all. I think many women feel overwhelmed by all the “advice” they see and hear.

Anna
Virginia

You just can’t listen to it all, and more importantly, shouldn’t try to do all of that at the same time.

I am also learning I need to prioritize my parenting. God has brought it to my attention that I need to learn how to deal with own anger in order to teach one of my children how to manage his or her emotions. My son is four; I have had a good run of thinking I was in control of my kids. I’m not throwing my hands up and giving up. I am finally destroying any notions that I am 100% responsible for how these children turn out. In one emotional moment last week, I raised up my children in my head and handed them over to Him. It’s a relief actually. Initially I felt like I had failed, but it’s a smarter choice to turn someone very important and special over to Someone who is all-powerful and all-knowing. God says to each mom, That job I gave you is really tough and I do not expect you to do it alone. Let me help; I’m right here.

Anna
Anna

Such good words to focus on tonight. We have that ever-present Help waiting for us to reach out. Thank you, Virginia, for sharing with us!

Anna
Recommended Resources by Virginia:
How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen  by Joanna Faber
Nine Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Free of Me: Why Life is Better When It’s Not About You by Sharon Miller
The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
She’s Gonna Blow: Real Help for Moms Dealing with Anger by Julie Ann Barnhill
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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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