Ok, I just need to say this to a mom who would understand what I am talking about…
I hate to say that I get irritated when I am looking forward to some time to myself at nap time and then don’t get any. ? I want a little time to myself in a long day of togetherness!! ??
I totally agree! I had no idea how much “me time” I actually had before kids — and how much I would miss it!
Exactly. I miss it. And I am also realizing that parenting is exposing some sides of me that I didn’t even know were there. ?
And more than that – sometimes even an entitled spirit. Like I didn’t know that I truly felt entitled to time to myself each day. Or even time to go to the bathroom by myself! ?
Or two seconds to PUT MY UNDERWEAR ON before they need something!!!
What? You actually even get time to put underwear on?! ?
LOL ?
Haha, you guys crack me up! ?
But I agree! I never knew the depths of my selfishness until I became a mom. In my early 20’s, I thought I was a rather generous, loving person. Then I got married.?? That began to expose this layer of selfishness, but motherhood really laid it open. So I hear you both!
Yes, I am realizing that motherhood has shown a side of me that I think God wants to shape and mold. Ugh, taking care of kids 24/7 is definitely bringing it to the surface! ?
I hear ya. I’m trying to remember that God is working, and also that, in some ways, getting to see how “selfish” you are is a gift.
Hmm, tell me more…?
Well, it’s a gift because I think that for every weakness, there is an opposite strength. If you can see this huge capacity for selfishness, that means God gave you that same huge capacity for love.
Deep stuff, Desi! ?
Now it is a matter of choosing which trait you want to grow. I keep saying, “Here, Lord. Grow this ❤ because I certainly can’t do it on my own!?
But you know what? It is not selfish to take some time to care for yourself or to not feel guilty for doing something like taking a nap instead of doing the laundry.
Totally.… But I think that is a text for another day about how we care for ourselves, ya know?
I do love this perspective you pointed out about asking God to grow my heart! ?
I was just reading about this exact thing and this part stopped me in my tracks:
“Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness.”
I like it! I’ve certainly got compulsions! ? What verse is this?
Ha, me too. It’s in Galatians about the fruit of the Spirit.
Thanks for talking this through with me…I feel like what I am realizing is — it’s my human nature to want what I want. And especially as a mom when I give, give, give all day, I don’t feel like it’s asking a lot to just want a little smidge of time to myself.
Or for your kids to sleep through the night! ?.
Or to eat my dinner while it’s actually still warm!
Riiight!
So we gotta ask God to give us the energy and love and selflessness that only He can give when motherhood requires us to keep giving what we don’t have.
True. It’s going to cause some surrendering…
Yes. Like when I really want to work on my to-do list or even just get dinner ready but my girls need something else from me instead, and I can feel the frustration mounting…
YES!? I really hate that feeling…It’s like frustration and guilt at the same time!
So instead…?
Taking a moment to pause and ask God to give me His heart in the situation rather than my me-centered, just-want-some-time-to-myself one. Not my natural response, but as you said, Anna, one that is smoothing out my rough edges.
Now, remind me of this when I am up changing the sheets for a potty accident at 3am.?
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- Galatians 5:16-18, The Message: “My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways are antithetical [mutually incompatible], so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day.
- Galatians 5:22,23 The Message: “But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard–things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity…Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way.”
- Galatians 5:22-24, ESV: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control…And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passion and desired.”
Music to inspire you:
- “Holy Spirit” by Francesca Battistelli
Readings to come alongside of you:
- Spirit-Led Parenting from Insight For Girls
- A Slow Death To Selfishness from I Believe
- The Treasures God Longs to Give a Mom by Alicia Bruxvoort
- The False Advertising About Motherhood by Lisa-Jo Baker
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- As moms we can wait too long to take care of ourselves because we don’t want to be “selfish.” There is definitely a difference and we don’t want you to feel any guilt out of taking needed time for yourself!
- When you feel the frustration mounting or the entitled spirit creeping in, ask God to help you know where it’s coming from and how He wants you to respond.
- On a practical note, one of the best tools to teach my daughter to stay in her room, was this clock that turns green when it’s time to get up. Sometimes mama needs 45 minutes of time to herself and this clock helps teach my daughter this truth. ?
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}
Exactly what I needed today ladies!!! Seriously. The tears shed today over not getting a second nap, even though both me and my little could of used another put me into a crying fit! Being sick and pregnant, no fun…sick and pregnant while chasing and being annoyed with my toddler that’s a whole new level. The Lord gave me self-control to not fly off the handle at my husband about certain things too… So here’s to my Epsom salt bath and hubby putting the little whining sick child to bed tonight!! (Thoughts from the tub)
I think compassion for ourselves is so important as well. I actually don’t see these scenarios as selfish– I hear your sadness and grief about not having time for you or a break, and that is not selfish, but a triggering point to pay attention to parts of you that need care. What a gift to your kids to be able to model taking space for yourself and being grounded in paying attention to your needs as well as they are watching everything that we do:)
I totally agree, Steph. I am a big proponent of self-care for mamas. I think motherhood definitely exposes sides of us and I have seen there are times when I am needing to die to self and be filled with God’s Spirit in order to serve my girls well (like this morning when my youngest woke up right as I woke up and I really wanted some time to myself). I know that I gave a lot this morning and so this afternoon I am hoping for some nap time from the girls and I will take that time to care for myself instead of doing the laundry because I know my soul needs it to be a good mom and have a full reservoir to give to them when they wake up. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!