Fighting the Lies that Social Media Can Feed Us

Jessica

I have been struggling with feeling rejected lately and I’m having a hard time pulling myself out of that yucky place.

Michelle

I am sorry. I have been there and I know what you mean–it can feel like you’ve fallen in a pit and don’t know how you’re going to get out!

Anna

Me too, girl! It’s easy to slip into that feeling sometimes. What started it?

Jessica

It’s a combination of a lot of things, but it all came to a head when I saw a picture posted the other week of a group of women I would consider friends and acquaintances out having fun together.

Anna

Ouch! That hurts!

Jessica

I am ashamed to even admit that I spent far too long looking at that picture, analyzing the friendships of each of the women, wondering how certain people got invited and I didn’t.

Michelle

Oh man, I’m glad to know I am not the only one although I hate you have felt this way too. A situation like that totally kicks up my insecurities and I begin wondering, “What is wrong with me?” and “What do they have that I don’t?”

Jessica

Yes! All from a simple picture!! 😳 The saddest part is when I saw this picture, I was in another state on vacation with my family. I wouldn’t have even been in town to go to the gathering had I been invited! I should have been focused on my family and appreciating the special memories we were making.

Anna

But I get it! You still want to get the invitation in the first place, or for someone to say they missed you not being there.

Jessica

Absolutely, because I felt rejected, even though no one truly rejected me. It seems like the more people I meet and socialize with, the more this rejection issue pops up for me.

Michelle

Have you been able to figure out if there is a pattern to when you feel most rejected? When I have an overreaction like this, I have started to ask God to help me see what’s underneath all of it. Is there a lie I am believing about myself or about God?

Jessica

I haven’t really ever thought too much about it because I just try to hide from the feelings in whatever way I can, but I really think I do need to start taking this issue to God in those moments.

Michelle

Yeah, it’s really been helping me to invite God into it. The other day someone I admire kinda blew me off. I was asking God, “Why does this bother me so much?” And I felt like He told me that I didn’t need her approval/friendship to be complete. (DUH.) So many times I have looked to relationships in my life to tell me I was enough and I felt like just the other day I realized that this person giving me the time of day or not doesn’t need to affect my self-worth.

Anna

Totally agree! 🙋 I’ve been in the same boat for sure. God has been speaking to me a LOT lately about self-worth and validation, actually. It’s been a theme. I hate that it’s been a theme, in a way, because it’s like — how old am I? Am I really still back to this topic? But I think more women struggle with it than we think. ESPECIALLY with social media involved.

Jessica

Oh, it totally makes me feel like I’m in high school! I think I may need to take some time away from social media. It doesn’t seem like a healthy place for me.

Michelle

I think this is such a personal decision about what works best for each of us. For me, I am just really trying to remind myself of where my security comes from before I even hop on social media.

Jessica

That’s a good idea as well. I want to live in my life instead of wishing I could be in someone else’s. I want to appreciate what I have been given instead of trying to figure out how I can get something else. I want to live in the comfort of knowing God loves me instead of looking to others to validate my worth.

Anna

Yes! I do too! I am learning that with all of these desires, it starts with me going back to God and asking him to tell me the truth about who He is and who I am. And then no matter what I see on social media, nothing and no one will be able to shake that.

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

“Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6: 19-20, NLT)

Music to inspire you:

“As Sure as the Sun” by Ellie Holcomb
“Who Am I” by Casting Crowns
“Live Like Your Loved” by Hawk Nelson

Readings to come alongside of you:

“Rejection steals the best of who I am by reinforcing the worst of what’s been said to me.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
“It’s easy to scroll and surf through postings – where people upload the beautiful, successful, shiny sides of life – and quickly get a jilted notion that maybe we’re not quite keeping up. We feel small. Unnoticed. Incapable. One day I realized I had to stop looking at things spotlighting others’ successes until I had a better way of processing them. Until I could look at others and genuinely celebrate their lives without feeling anything but joy for them. I had to starve my scarcity thinking.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
“It’s not deciding in my mind, I deserve to be loved. Or manipulating my heart to feel loved. It’s settling in my soul, I was created by God, who formed me because He so much loved the very thought of me. When I was nothing, He saw something and declared it good. Very good. And very loved. Therefore, I can bring the atmosphere of love into every situation I face. I don’t have to wait for it, hope for it, or try to earn it. I simply bring the love I want. Then I’m not so tempted to flirt with the world, hoping for approval, because I have the real thing with God. And I’m not nearly as likely to fall into perceiving rejection that isn’t really there, because I’m not starving for affection. I am loved. This should be the genesis thought of every day. Not because of how terrific I am. God doesn’t base His thoughts toward me on my own fragile efforts. No, God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s simply placed on me. And it’s the place from which I should live…loved.” Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
A Social Media Heart Check by Kim Cash Tate
For the Days When You Totally Feel Like the Uncool Kid Again by Jennifer Dukes Lee
Alone in a Crowded Room by Lysa TerKeurst

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

This is a very personal decision, but I have had a really good experience with taking a social media fast. When I find myself spending my thoughts on others’ lives in an unhealthy way, I know it’s time to take a huge step back. Even just taking a few days away from social media can help reset my heart.
Invite God to join you when you check your social media pages. He can help define who you are when it is so very easy to let social media determine that definition.
When you find yourself struggling to realize your worth because of perceived rejection, spend some time reading over Psalm 139 to see how God views you. You are a wonderful creation.

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more.

In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

In the Absence of Affirmation

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Jessica

I have been struggling lately, and it all came to a head last night during a discussion with my husband after the kids were in bed.

Laura

Sounds intense. How are you feeling this morning?

Jessica

Pretty misunderstood. I was trying to communicate how I have been struggling with the lack of affirmation as a stay-at-home mom when I was so used to receiving affirmation from my previous 9-5 job. It was hard for my husband to understand me because of the difference in our roles.

Michelle

We have definitely had those conversations too. And I have often left the conversations feeling more baffled than understood. So I get it! #marriageisdefinitelyrefining

Laura

Transitioning from traditional work to this kind of work is hard. I think our role as a stay-at-home mom is probably even misunderstood by our families… ourselves even!

Jessica

You’re right. I’ve been praised for my “work” since I was a young child, whether by my parents, my teachers, my employers, my co-workers, and so on. Now I’m an adult and my employers are two small children, one of which struggles to form words at this point (that’s a whole different story for another day).

Michelle

That totally reminds me of that quote – “I live in a madhouse ruled by a tiny army that I made myself!”

Laura

That quote is the story. of. my. life!!!! Being a mom is the hardest work I’ve ever done! It’s work you don’t get paid for. It has the longest hours ever! It’s work no one sees. It’s work that no one will even remember. Not even you because you are so sleep deprived! 😴

Michelle

Or maybe even appreciate, which I guess is at the heart of what we’re talking about.

Jessica

I’m left wondering when my kids are going to step up to the plate?!? 😉

Laura

For real! (Hmmm, did I ever step up to the plate for my mom? That’s for another day too!) Anyway, it’s no fun feeling under or unappreciated! However, you chose to stay home for a reason. I’m not saying that it’s the better choice, but hopefully it’s the better choice for you and your family. It’s not an option for many moms–either because they don’t want to or can’t afford to…there are a lot of components here.

Jessica

And I definitely made this choice! I think I struggle because I went from receiving feedback on a daily basis, whether it was positive or negative, to mostly receiving nothing.

Laura

Awww. It’s so hard to not know practically how you are doing as a mom.

Michelle

I can empathize with this struggle. I know for me, I basically always feel like there’s more for me to do. There’s always another pile of laundry, more toys on the carpet, or a tantrum to navigate. My job is never done. And sometimes I just need to know that all I do is seen and appreciated.

Jessica

I know…It’s like I expect my husband, who has his own job and doesn’t even really see what I do on a daily basis, to affirm me. I’m not able to affirm him for his work (other than I know he’s working hard to provide for us)! Why do I think he would be able to provide those “good jobs” that I am seeking?

Michelle

I think you framed our struggle correctly and what I’ve been praying about recently. Why am I looking to my hubby or anyone to tell me I am good enough?

Laura

For sure. And it isn’t really a question of working mom vs. stay-at-home mom. Anyone can put their value in the wrong place. When you were working, was it really a good thing that your self-worth hinged upon a good report from your boss? You were a valuable part of your company because you are valuable. It hinges on nothing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made came with no conditions. It is just so.

Michelle

What she said. 😉

Jessica

Good point! I’m probably guilty of placing too much of my identity in my role as a mom, and I am so much more than that.

Laura

You are a child of THE MOST HIGH! That is the best title you could hold. He sees your efforts as a mom. He sees the spit-up and the messy diapers you clean. He sees your best attempt to remain patient even in the midst of John’s meltdowns. He loves you even when you lose it! And let me just say… I can tell you’re doing a great job! Keep it up, Jessica!

Jessica

Thanks! I just need to remind myself that God defines my value and worth. Not other people.

Michelle

Not even that cute little army “you made yourself.” 😉

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

Long ago the Lord said to Israel: “I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.” – Jeremiah 31:3
Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands. – Isaiah 49: 15-16

Music to inspire you:

Live Like Your Loved by Hawk Nelson
Who Am I? by Casting Crowns
Enough by Chris Tomlin

Readings to come alongside of you:
“Live from an abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.” -Lysa TerKeurst, Uninvited
“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is illusion.” ― Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging
“The soul’s worth, though, doesn’t come from earning or proving. Image doesn’t matter. Outrunning the emptiness doesn’t work for long. Every soul, every soul is worthy, because God made every soul, and because of His love, His Son came to the earth and walked among us, because God’s love for us is so deep and wide and elaborate that He wants to be with us, to walk with us, to teach us how to live in that love and worthiness. It is only when you understand God’s truly unconditional love that you begin to understand the worth of your own soul–not because of anything you’ve done…” -Shauna Niequist, Present Over Perfect
When Life is Blurry by Girlfriends in God

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

Take a few quiet moments to listen to the songs listed above and ask God if He wants to tell you anything about the truth about who you are to Him. Are you defining yourself as a mom? Or a teacher? Or a wife? Ask God what truth He wants you to see.
Affirmation from others isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it’s when we rely on that affirmation to define us that it becomes problematic. If you feel like what you do goes unnoticed (whether at work or at home), have a conversation with your spouse or co-workers about what they think you do well and what they think you could do better. If we want to be affirmed, we also have to accept criticism and take it as a challenge to better ourselves.
Spend some time journaling on what you think you do well at home, and hand those over to God as worship. Give thanks to Him for giving you those talents.
We know God see us, but who else knows what we’re going through? MOMS!!! Give a little affirmation to good another mom you see doing well, especially on days that she might feel she’s not!

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}