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Tag Archives: affirmation

Be Mom Strong: Finding Our Identity

4 / 16 / 184 / 19 / 18

Emily

(deep exhale).  It’s been *a* morning.  You know, one of those mornings where I can’t seem to catch my breath, but I’m sitting down wondering what I did exactly for the last 5 hours?! ?

Katie

Oh, I can so relate! My morning has mostly consisted of changing a certain two year old’s clothes (the joys of potty training!??) and wiping crumbs off my kitchen table.

Emily

Sounds very familiar.  I did attempt to run a simple errand with the boys, but it was right on the brink of nap time, so the adventure ended in a rather embarrassing public meltdown (them, not me thankfully). ?

Katie

Lol. Definitely been there and done that!?

Emily

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I forget about the days of going into work bright and early (showered, might I add), putting in a full day, and coming home to a quiet house.  It feels like a lifetime ago!

Katie

Yes, it does! How life has changed! And, you know, when I was teaching the days weren’t necessarily easy, but at the end of each one, I did feel like I had accomplished something. I came home feeling a different sort of tired than I feel these days.?

Emily

Totally. Working a full-time career provided me with measurable outcomes, checklists, and results that I could see. ✓✓✓

Katie

I love checklists!? And results that I can see … don’t get much of that in the day-to-day of mothering.

Emily

Not so much.  I recently heard parenting compared to running a marathon; the days of raising up children are definitely more of a slow and steady race ?, where we don’t always see fruit (i.e. results) quickly.

Katie

Yep. And because I can’t see immediate fruit, I sometimes start to wonder what I’m really doing during these days filled with potty training and tantrums at the store?? I mean, what is significant about what I’m doing?

Emily

Yes! Sometimes I have this repeat conversation with God, that goes something like, “I know you’ve called me to this, more than you’ve called me to any other role, but why don’t I feel a sense of significance/value in what’s before me?”

Katie

I have had the same thoughts! I know that what I am doing as a mother is important, but it’s hard to always feel significant when the results aren’t visible or noticed, which I think is what I’ve realized I miss about working full-time. I miss having someone else tell me that I’m doing a good job.

Emily

Me too!! Those words of affirmation went a long way in motivating and encouraging me.  So much of being a mom goes unnoticed– especially the mundane, day-to-day tasks.  I’ve realized over the last five years since becoming a mom how much of my identity was wrapped up in both the work I did and the praise and affirmation I received. ??

Katie

Yes! From striving to get good grades in high school to looking for praise in my career and to now wanting to please every mom friend I have … I think I’ve also let my identity be determined by what I do and what other people think about what I do. Why do I do that?!?

Emily

I’m right there with you, friend.  And while those accolades are nice, they don’t offer any truth about who God says we are.  The praise of others will always change, but what God says about our identity in Him will always remain the same, regardless of the season we find ourselves in as mothers. ?

Katie

So, so true! Nothing will ever change that God made me and loves me. Seems so simple, but I think I need to repeat that truth over and over to myself. Because if I really understand that – deep, deep down in my heart – then I won’t need visible results and someone else’s praise to tell me I am significant. My identity is secure, because I am made and loved by God.

Emily

Indeed☝. I know when I walk confidently in those truths, it impacts my countenance, the grace that I extend to my children, and freedom I have in my other relationships.  I can hold my head high, even in a difficult moment like today (i.e. public meltdown). When God’s Word is at the foundation of my identity, it truly flows into all areas of my life.  

Katie

Amen, sister. Now I can get back to potty training with a whole new mindset.?

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “… I am fearfully and wonderfully made …” (Psalm 139:14, NIV)
  • [Jesus said] “I no longer call you servants … Instead, I have called you friends … You did not choose me, but I chose you.” (John 15:15-16a, NIV)
  • “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will.” (Ephesians 1:4-5, NIV)
  • “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3:23-23, NIV)

Music to inspire you:

  • Who You Say I Am, Hillsong
  • Legacy, Nichole Nordeman
  • Live Like You’re Loved, Hawk Nelson

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • “Again, your identity, mama, is ultimately that you are a woman made in the image of God and a saint redeemed by Christ on the cross. Your identity is not found in what you do, but in Whose you are.” — Rebekah Hargraves from Lies Moms Believe: And How the Gospel Refutes Them
  • Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge. (This book was very influential in helping me understand who I am as a daughter of God.)
  • Mom Set Free: Find Relief from the Pressure to Get it All Right by Jeannie Cunnion
  • Becoming Mom Strong: How to Fight with All That’s in You for Your Family and Your Faith by Heidi St. John

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Real Security, Real Strength
  • In the Absence of Affirmation

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Several years ago, I took some time to look up Scriptures about who God says we are and how He views us. I typed up those verses and posted them where I could see and reread them regularly. Try to make your own list of favorite verses this week, and let His truth soak deeply into your heart and mind!

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

 

 

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Good Enough

10 / 2 / 1710 / 2 / 17

Laura
Laura

If I had a nickel for everytime someone asked me what sports my kids do, I’d be able to fund one of them for an entire season of select soccer.

Laura
Anna
Anna

I know, right?!?

Anna
Laura
Laura

Not that my oldest is good enough or wants to play on any sort of select team!  I mean his first season of rec soccer was… how do I say this… sad? There was a big 0 in the win column!  

Laura
Anna
Anna

Oh man…. Well, it happens sometimes!

Anna
Laura
Laura

But he did have fun! And that’s what matters, right?! But I haven’t even started my almost 5-year-olds in a sport yet, and I think some people think I’m doing my children a huge disservice!?! Sigh… am I?

Laura
Anna
Anna

I don’t know… I mean, why all the pressure to have kids excel at a sport by age 8? I mean, I get it. We want them to be able to keep up later and build on their skills, but aren’t there more important things?

Anna
Laura
Laura

You mean like having fun together as a family or saving those nickels for college (or groceries… just saying… four boys can eat a lot)?

Laura
Anna
Anna

Ha–I can only imagine! And like having down time, and time to do chores, and help Mom cook dinner, and help Dad fix the car. I mean, those are skills too, but we never have time to do those things.

Anna
Laura
Laura

Exactly!  There’s so many things we want to teach our kids.  And back to the pressures thing…there are so many pressures on them at school with tests and everything else! And then we as parents seem to expect them to be perfect little athletes too?  

Laura
Anna
Anna

I think we do, unintentionally. We want them to be shining stars at all they do. 

Anna
Laura
Laura

Because if my kids are good at things, then in theory, other kids will like them and then their life will be happier and easier! Right? And, let’s not lie, when our kids are doing well, we look great as parents too!

Laura
Anna
Anna

Right. I mean parents have good intentions. We just want our kids to be successful. But how are we measuring that success? I wonder sometimes if we get out the wrong measuring stick.

Anna
Laura
Laura

Good point.  I think I’m very guilty of putting pressure on my kids to behave a certain way.  It’s sort of the same thing.  There is a much better way to determine who these little ones are than successes and outward appearances!

Laura
Anna
Anna

I’m also guilty of it! I care way too much sometimes what people think! And that my kids are measuring up or doing the same things as other kids. I never thought I would do that as a parent.

Anna
Laura
Laura

Me either. I don’t know how we got here, but you know what? We don’t have stay here!  

Laura
Anna
Anna

That’s a relief.  So how do we help our kids grow up with a different understanding about who they are? #thetruthaboutgrowingup

Anna
Laura
Laura

I think we start with the simple truth about who we are, right?  We are beloved creation of the Most High God.  And it’s the same for my kids!  Because I just want my kids to know they are loved for who they are and not what they do.  I’ve been down that road personally, of trying to do something to be loved.  It didn’t lead anywhere good.

Laura
Anna
Anna

Me too. And you can succeed for a minute, but it never ends up being enough. And people or circumstances can take away your success. And then what? You’re left wondering who you are. I want my kids to know that who they are, the value they have, that’s not something that anyone can take away from them.

Anna
Laura
Laura

They are gifted in just the way God wants them to be gifted.  And those gifts might make them good at something.  And they might even be on a select team someday.  Or maybe play the lead in our favorite musical! ?  But all the successes or failures do not equal their worth.

Laura
Anna
Anna

Yes–1,000 times yes. And as a mom, I want to be secure enough and brave enough to let my children grow at their own pace, with their unique interests, and be whoever God has designed them to be. Not who I picture them to be. Or who my friends’ kids are. But I want to watch with faith as they grow up.

Anna


Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV)
  • “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” (Jeremiah 1:5, NIV)
  • “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!  The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known.  Bet we know that when Christ appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.” (1 John 3:1-2, NIV)


    Music to inspire you:

  • “He Knows My Name” by Francesca Battistelli
  • “Every Bit of Lovely” by Jamie Grace

    Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • We have to be secure in who we are before we can teach our kids to be the same way. I love this article: “Be Who God Created You to Be” by Shauna Neiquist
  • Read more about “How to Help Your Youth Find Their Identity in Christ” from Ministry Today.
    Four things to teach our kids about their identity and value:
    God created them on purpose in His image.
    God’s love does not fail, nor does it change towards them.
    God genuinely cares about the details of their lives.
    God created them with a purpose.


    Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Decluttering Our Spiritual Closets
  • Hanging Up Our Measuring Sticks



    Living Out the Truth
    Ideas to try:

    • When failures come–a bad grade, a missed soccer goal, not making the musical, a call from the teacher–in the end, reassure him/her of who he/she is in God, His love, and that they are a beautiful creation.
    • I try not to compare one child to another, or one sibling with another one.
    • When they start to compare themselves, or get down on themselves, I say something like, “Good for them, but YOU are a whole different person. There’s only one of you, and you are amazing.”
    • I try to let my kids know what I love about them aside from their activities.  I love that they are kind or caring toward each other or toward their friends.  I love that when they are excited about something they jump up and down.  Whatever it is.  I try to tell them at night before they go to bed something that I love about their character, their personality, or maybe something they did because of that trait that they have.  
    • I have signs posted on their bedroom doors that say, “We love [name] because he is [name].”
    • When suffering consequences as toddlers, my boys always asked me if I still loved them.  I was shocked by this question when my oldest asked it, but wasn’t as caught off guard when the twin started asking it.  I’m sure the little guy will wonder the same thing.  At first my answer was, of course I do, but…..  However I’ve tried to change my words.  There isn’t really a but there.  And there isn’t a but in how God feels about me or my kids when we have gone wrong.  Or when we have done something well there isn’t I love you because you did well.  I try to phrase it differently.  You made a mistake and the consequences are hard to suffer, but I’m here for you because I love you.  Or great job playing basketball out there!  You really gave it your all!  And if you didn’t, I’d still love you!

    {These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

     

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