Oh man, I lost my cool today with Sophie. ? I know we all struggle with different things as moms but I never really thought that losing my temper was one of my vices. I am a little more mild-mannered and my pitfall is usually more anxiety than anger…but that is before I was a mom. ?
Me too! I have always been the calm and quiet type myself. Or at least I have always succeeded at appearing calm on the outside. If I got really mad, it would usually result in tears, not full-out anger! But now…
Oh yeah, I totally had a pride issue with how much patience I had while working with kids during my pre-mom years. Talk about being humbled when those kids became my own! It’s like every bit of patience I had got thrown out with each dirty diaper I changed. ? ?
Oh, I’m glad I’m not the only one. Since having a little one who can argue and kick and scream, there is definitely some frustration that has bubbled out of me and onto my girlies comparable to a fiery breath of a dragon. ? #Ihateadmittingthis
Totally get it! This is me on LOTS of occasions…
Yes, that was me today for sure and I regretfully admit that I lost it with her. ? And I feel horrible about it. I don’t want my frustration spilling out on her like that.
I know what you mean, but I love this line that I heard the other day – a bad moment doesn’t make you a bad mom. ?
I needed that and I’m so grateful for that grace. I’ve been praying about it today and I feel God remind me how key it is to stay connected to Him in my mothering– especially when she pushes every last button of mine. ?
Yes! Keeping God’s character – His gentleness, patience, kindness, self-control and so on – in the front of my mind is so important in responding the way He desires, rather in the way I impulsively want to.
Exactly — that knee-jerk reaction just causes me regret in the end anyway! If I listen to the gentle voice of God in my head, and I take a breath and RESPOND instead of react, I can avoid banging my head against the wall later. Easier said than done, though!
For sure. I’ve been trying in the heat of the moment, when I am about to lose my mind, to pray out loud. (I wish I would have today!)
Oh yes. I’ve said many prayers like that aloud! ? It helps me remember that I need to bring God into the moment.
I agree. I’m also realizing I need to model for Sophie how to identify and cope with her emotions. Because anger in and of itself is not wrong but if I’m flying off the handle, it’s teaching her to do the same.?
I think that’s so important to keep in mind – emotions are not bad. God equipped us with a huge spectrum of emotions for a variety of reasons. And getting angry isn’t a bad thing. It can actually be beneficial.
That’s such a good point!
But the behavior we display when we’re angry can be problematic if we aren’t careful or if our kids aren’t guided in ways to appropriately express that anger.
Yes, I really think it goes back to what we’ve been saying – inviting God into the moment rather than careening down a path of destruction.
Careening is a good way to describe it – because that’s how I often feel. Like I’m on a runaway train! ?
Yep! And watch out everyone when I’m going 100 miles an hour heading toward a train wreck! But… really I want to demonstrate God’s character even when I’m angry, and I want my kids to do the same.
And the only way that ☝ will happen is if we ask God to step in and guide us through that process, whether it’s me dealing with my own emotions, or me trying to help my kids deal with theirs.
This has been really good for me to process with you guys. Looking back on today, if I could do it over again I wish I would have stopped myself for a moment, realized I was needing a little break, taken a deep breath and asked God for help. I’m so glad tomorrow is a new day with a whole new set of grace ready to be heaped upon me. ?
Soaking in the Truth
Scripture to encourage you:
- In your anger, do not sin. (Ephesians 4:26)
- Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
- “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5: 22-23)
- “The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.” (Proverbs 10:19)
Music to inspire you:
- Be Still My Soul (In You I Rest) by Kari Jobe
- The Fruit of the Spirit by Steve Green on Hide ‘Em In Your Heart CD for Kids (Check this out in our Treasured Products page. We love this CD because it is straight Scripture. We listen to it in the car and it definitely has saved me some boiling-over moments by listening to the truth…although warning that it’s a bit cheesy!)
Readings to come alongside of you:
- 10 Things to do Differently Before You Lose Your Temper by Lisa Jo Baker (We love this quote: “There is only one boss of me and my body and my feelings – and that boss is the Holy Spirit who lives inside of me.”)
- When Moms Get Angry on Crosswalk.com featuring Julie Ann Barnhill’s book She’s Going To Blow
- How To Deal With (Your Own) Anger by Charity Hawkins
- Unglued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa Terkeurst (Here is an excerpt from her book featured on Faith Gateway)
Living Out the Truth
Ideas to try:
- As we shared above, praying in the moment has been a huge lifesaver and a great model for our kids too.
- I learned in a counseling session years ago that anger is a second emotion. Meaning there is something underneath the anger that you’re really feeling. So when you are about to lose it with one of your children, stop and ask yourself – am I feeling overwhelmed? Sad? Left out? Let your anger be a guide to help you dig in a little deeper to what you’re feeling. Sometimes even just recognizing those deeper emotions is enough to calm the situation and allow God to step in.
- Another idea to extend the thought above is to ask, “Why am I feeling this way?” A mentor mom once told me to interview my feelings. Sounds silly but it works! Consider trying the idea in the blog article above about journaling what made you angry so you can look for themes.
- There are so many great suggestions in the articles above that we don’t feel the need to reinvent the wheel.
{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}
Love this vulnerable post! We’ve all been there (even though I’m a bit further along in the parenting thing) and it’s SO good to know we are not alone. We are nor weird or bad moms. And I love the advice you give about looking for the underlying factor that causes the “explosion”… it definitely helps! Thanks for sharing. Your neighbour at Kelly’s 🙂
Thanks for sharing! It has helped so many times when I’ve paused and thought about what I am truly frustrated about. Thanks for reading!