Owner of a Lonely Heart

I’m really proud of how brave I was today…;)

Let’s hear it! What did you do?

I asked a mom for her phone number – a stranger, mind you – at the indoor playground because I didn’t want her to ‘get away.’ Our kids were all playing so well together – you know when you can see the magic happening? I didn’t want to let that go. Haha.

Ha, I do know what you mean!! Good for you, seizing that moment. I feel like it’s really not easy meeting other moms. Why is it so hard to make mom friends?

I don’t know. Friendships seemed so easy when we were kids. I don’t want to admit this but I get lonely sometimes.

I think every mom can relate to that. And, yet, no one ever talks about it. No one warned me before I had kids how lonely it can be as a mom.

Yeah, me neither. I don’t want people to see me as desperate or clingy so I just say I’m fine when I’m really not and need people.

Yep, I get that. I do the same thing.

Sometimes it’s situational – when I have sick kids and playdates are out because you’ll infect others – job hazard. ? Although it doesn’t take long before I feel like I’m going downhill emotionally.

I feel ya. Sometimes schedules just don’t mesh. So much of my life revolves around taking care of my little people and getting them where they need to go. It doesn’t leave much time for meeting up with friends.

Yes! What’s tough for me is that we just moved here 2 ½ years ago. I had to make all new friends and that takes time. If I’m having a really rough day, I just want to run to someone who knows me well so I don’t have to explain everything. My “tribe” is scattered around the Southeast. And anyway, tribe is such a buzzword these days.

It sure is! “Find your tribe!” Easier said than done I think. Because, sometimes, I can be surrounded by lots of people but still feel lonely because I don’t really feel known or understood by anyone. I hear all these stories about women who are lifelong best friends, who just do everything together and are always there for each other. It sounds amazing and wonderful and exactly what I want … and then I start wondering if there is something wrong with me that I don’t have those one or two lifelong bffs …

There is nothing wrong with you – you’re amazing! It’s culture’s expectations. It’s a nice fantasy because I want it too, but I don’t know how often that really happens.

The moms group at my church actually had a meeting last year called “Find Your Tribe,” where a panel of moms spoke about finding fellowship and building friendships. What one mom shared really stood out to me. She said friendships can ebb and flow and change with our seasons of life and motherhood. And that it is ok. And to embrace that.

That’s good to remember. It’s like when half of your single friends disappear when you get married, or was that just me? Lol. Entering motherhood certainly opened up a whole new world for me. Of course you can’t base an entire friendship on comparing formula and diaper brands but we have to start somewhere.

Ha! Yes! And sometimes friendships change because of a cross-country move. Or starting a new job. Or kids starting school. Or whatever. When I feel a friendship starting to shift, my instinct is usually to kind of pull back from everyone and isolate myself.

That makes sense. It’s like you’re protecting yourself from even more hurt.

Right. But, of course it isn’t helpful. I feel lonely, so I isolate myself, which leads to feeling more lonely and isolating myself more. It can become a cycle that is hard to break out of.

When that happens, I am brave sometimes, like I was with that mom at the indoor playground. I have to get outside of myself. I have to make an effort, especially when I don’t feel like it.

It’s so hard, but it is so true!

It is SO hard!

I have to be willing to take the first step. Send a text to invite other moms to meet up at a park with the kids. Go to the women’s event at church, even if I’m tired and would rather sit in my pajamas on the couch after I put the kids to bed. Join that moms group, even if I don’t know anyone there yet.

I agree. We have to break the cycle, although I’m secretly hoping the other mom will cancel so I don’t have to step outside my comfort zone; it’s just so cozy in there. ?

Seriously though, there have also been times I’ve received the invitation. Remember when you invited me over? You made the first move and I was so grateful!

The kids ran around the house playing and we chatted and worked on some writing projects together. It was so fun!

It was! So that’s another part of moving beyond ourselves – there might be a mom on the other end that’s super thankful she didn’t have to do it first. 🙂

Yes! I think every mom is really longing for friendship, wanting to be known and understood. God made us to live in relationships, not alone. So let’s be the first one to extend an invitation!

On that note, I’ll go text my new mom friend. The worst she can say is no.

Good luck! And if she says no, consider me a ‘yes.’?