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Category Archives: #beautifulinHistime

Growing a Thriving Marriage: Kill the Weeds, Water the Right Seeds

9 / 24 / 1811 / 7 / 18

As our team prayed about the phrase “a time to kill and a time to heal,” we felt led to share what we are learning in our marriages. There are things we need to kill with God’s help in our marriages so that He can bring long lasting healing. Join us in this conversation.


 

Michelle
Michelle

Oh Janelle, I know you have a much greener thumb than me. ? I just looked out the window and I think I killed my basil plant. ?

Michelle
Janelle

Oh no. What happened?

Michelle
Michelle

Well, to be honest, I forgot to water it!

Michelle
Janelle

It happens to all of us! My outside flowers are usually the ones I forget about too. I have the best of intentions, but the follow-through is lacking. ?

Michelle
Michelle

Yes! Why is it that it’s so easy to get distracted and forget to water the things we should?! ?

Michelle
Janelle

Such a good question. ? This might sound crazy, but it actually reminds me of my marriage a few years back.

Michelle
Michelle

Really? ?How?

Michelle
Janelle

Well, things were pretty bleak. ? A lot like your basil… dry and parched. I was about to kill it unintentionally by my selfishness and critical tongue. ? It was like my negative words and actions were scorching the tender plant of my marriage. I needed to do things differently, but I couldn’t do it on my own. My marriage needed some divine intervention, if you know what I mean?!

Michelle
Michelle

Are you talking about my marriage? ? We went through a similar rough patch…

Michelle
Janelle

So you know what I’m talking about. It’s not just the “brown thumbs” that have a hard time keeping things alive! ? My tongue often got me (and still does, from time to time…) into trouble when I was critical of my husband and not a tad bit respectful.

Michelle
Michelle

I hear ya. Why can’t I hold my tongue from saying those passive aggressive comments? And sadly I don’t need words to show my disdain sometimes…like when my hubby’s late for dinner somehow I think the appropriate response is the silent treatment. But I’m sure you can guess…it’s not too effective.  ?‍♀️

Michelle
Janelle

Yes. Like when I’m controlling and critical without thinking… believing I know how to do something better than he does (like change the baby ?)! Those subtle words and actions start choking out the good seeds and the weeds start growing! And before I know it, resentment has planted itself firmly in my heart!

Michelle
Michelle

Been there. When I focus on what it feels like my hubby is not doing, the weed of bitterness definitely steals my joy. ? And then I don’t see all of the things he is actually doing…

Michelle
Janelle

You mean focusing on all of the negatives doesn’t help grow things in your marriage? ?Because I’ve had some killer results over here. Ha… not at all actually.?‍♀️

Michelle
Michelle

Ha. Nope not one bit. But I do feel like things changed (at least in my heart) when I realized that the critical spirit I had was actually like a huge weed killing the joy in our marriage. ? Amazing how things are better–even just a little–when I choose gratitude over criticism. ?‍♀️

Michelle
Janelle

Exactly. Even when he does things that drive me nuts (like wipe his face on the kitchen towel)! ? It’s all about my thoughts… that’s where it all starts.

Michelle
Michelle

You’re so right…but I’ll be honest, I have let a crazy amount of weeds grow in my thought-life…?

Michelle
Janelle

Oh me too. Several years ago, my marriage was on the brink of disaster. We fought all the time and I cried myself to sleep most nights. Something had to change or we were going to end up divorced. ? I remember thinking if my husband changed, everything would improve. But do you know what happened instead?

Michelle
Michelle

Well, I can guess, because I was right there too…

Michelle
Janelle

Yep, you probably can. God changed me. And He did it when He began opening my eyes to all the blessings He had given me in my man. They were there, He just had to help me see them. ?

Michelle
Michelle

?

Michelle
Janelle

And  you know what else? Just like your basil died when you forgot to water it, if I choose to not “water” my negative thoughts, they will shrivel up and die too.  

Michelle
Michelle

That’s such a good point. And on the flip side, if I choose to “water” the positive thoughts, they will grow something beautiful. ?

Michelle
Janelle

That’s probably why the Bible tells us to “take our thoughts captive,” right? They actually have the power to kill or heal!

Michelle
Michelle

Amen sister. And you know what? Nurturing my positive thoughts has been helpful to me, but what’s really healed my marriage is actually forgiving him and myself when we miss the mark. ?But let’s be honest, that is not an easy thing to do. 

Michelle
Janelle

It sure isn’t!

Michelle
Michelle

But when I do the hard work of forgiving, God turns my eyes toward Him. And He grows my roots deeper and deeper so I won’t be like my poor plant. Oh, speaking of…

Michelle
Janelle

Yeah?

Michelle
Michelle

Look! ?

I know it looks a little sad but I haven’t killed it! I have been watering it every day and guess what? It’s starting to come back to life! ?

Michelle
Janelle

Aw, yay! It’s so rewarding to see new growth on a seemingly dead plant!?

Michelle
Michelle

So true. And isn’t it the same in our lives?!

Oh God, would you root this truth deep in our hearts and marriages? Would you help us be diligent to kill the weeds, and water the right seeds? ?

Michelle

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a, NIV)
  • “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV)
  • “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8,9)
  • “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (I Corinthians 13:4-5, NIV)
  • “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV)

  • “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (James 5:16, NASB)


Music to inspire you:

  • Restore by Chris August 
  • Love Is Not A Fight by Warren Barfield  (Check out the video of him sharing the story behind the song)
  • King of My Heart by Bethel Music 
  • Broken Together by Casting Crowns 
  • Pioneers by For King and Country 
  • Remind Me by Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerichs 
  • The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick 
  • What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? By Linda Dillow 

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Beautiful in His Time: A New Season

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • We first want to say that we are by far not marriage experts. But we highly recommend seeking one out. My marriage has definitely benefitted from some good counseling. Sometimes just hearing an outside person’s counsel can really help. It’s sort of like when my front flower bed got out of hand with weeds this spring and it took the help of a professional landscaper to get it back in check. Seeking professional help isn’t a bad thing. In fact, there’s nothing better!
  • We recognize that sometimes focusing on changing us isn’t always enough. Sometimes the other person needs to change and sometimes he may be unwilling. Sometimes a marriage isn’t healed. We rest in the truth that God is still good and He loves you more than you know. In His grace is no condemnation. God can still grow good things even if it seems hopeless. There is always hope because there is always God. 
  • Start a “thankful journal” of good things you see in your husband. This has definitely helped me in the seasons when I was overly frustrated with my husband. Another thought: what if you shared it with him?
  • Open up to a friend about your marriage. This isn’t for you to throw him under the bus but instead let someone else in about how things are going. It’s amazing how a friend’s prayers can help uplift your marriage – I know from experience! Don’t go at marriage alone. Whether it is a counselor, a trusted friend, a small group from church – invite people in to speak truth into your marriage!
  • Consider going away together to a Marriage Conference. We have heard awesome things about A Weekend To Remember. Sometimes pushing the reset button is what we need to bring back into the lifeless plant of your marriage.
  • Ask yourself – how are you helping water your marriage? Are you caring for your marriage well? Where could you grow to help grow your marriage?

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

 

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A Time to Plant and a Time to Uproot

9 / 17 / 189 / 17 / 18

 

In my adult life, I have been uprooted several times.  Recently, we moved for our work from Illinois to Florida for a year.  I can now say I have had driver’s licenses in five states.

There is some joyful recollection, but also some quiet mourning as I often wonder what it would be like to stay in one place for a long time.  What would it be like to be really known in a community? To have your name on a park bench when you pass away because you made such a significant impact on the people of that community.

And yet I know that moving around doesn’t mean that I don’t have an opportunity to form significant relationships–it just looks different and takes a different kind of investment.  We specialize in getting to know people deeply in a shorter amount of time.

During the goodbye party for one of our past moves, a friend gave me a small plaque that said, “Bloom where you’re planted.”  

It sounds lovely, but we are only one month into this most recent move and the honeymoon phase has slid into, “Oh my goodness, what did I get myself and my family into?!”  I feel like a transplanted plant because plants often go through shock when they are moved from one garden space to another. They need a lot of extra care to make the transition to their new place.  And sometimes before they are transplanted, they sit in a pot–waiting for the gardener to prepare their new home.

I feel like the plant sitting in the pot, waiting. I need extra water.  I need to be shielded from too much sunlight. I need some fertilizer to strengthen me through the transition.  That sounds easy when thinking about a plant. But when I think about myself (and my three kids and husband), I realize that the extra things we need are a form of soul care.  

We need time for our souls to catch up to our bodies.  To start rooting in the new soil. We need grace and acceptance to show our stress–like a plant that often wilts during the first days of a transplant.  We need to maintain simple traditions and rhythms–things we can bring with us to our new place. We need to have fun, to find the warmth and joy of the sunshine in our new place.  We need to trust God who led us into this transition. A faith that He is the Master Gardener who will attend to our needs. He will not leave us on the patio to wither, dry up, and die. His desire is for us to flourish.

During this transition, I have thought about the ancient Israelites journeying through the wilderness with Moses as their leader.  God miraculously and powerfully delivered them from the hands of Pharaoh, yet multiple times they accused God of leading them into the wilderness to die of starvation and dehydration.  

Their lack of faith angered God.  Moses demonstrated the faith the Israelites lacked when he boldly and candidly talked to God.  He reminded God of His plans and promises to transplant and transform these Israelite refugees wandering in the desert into a great nation that would reveal Him to the world!

As a follower of Jesus, I am grafted into the family and these promises also.   God has good plans for me and my family. He did not transplant us to the ninety degree heat to let us wilt and die.  And so with that in mind, I need to also trust Him to provide for the big and little things that will nourish my soul and strengthen my roots during this transition.  And those of my family.

Before this temporary, move a friend gave me a sign that reads, “Wherever you go, go with all your heart.”

Oh God, strengthen my heart so that I can be wholeheartedly here and partake of what You have for me.  Gardeners transplant plants so they have the space and growing conditions to spread, multiply, and increase in size and fruitfulness. This is our desire too!

Whether He transplants us across the street or across the country, we can trust the Master Gardener who leads us into new seasons of transition and growth.

?Written by Courtnee White

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1-2a, NIV)
  • “He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11, NIV)
  • “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” (John 15:1, NIV)


Music to inspire you:

  • “God of All My Days” by Casting Crowns

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • After the Boxes are Unpacked by Susan Miller – I haven’t done this study, but I have heard from many women that it is such a helpful resource if you have currently moved!
  • A Time to Uproot Devotional 
  • A Time to Plant Devotional 
  • If you are curious about the Exodus story I alluded to, you can read these three “Facetime” conversations that Moses had with God during the Golden Calf incident and following many waves of disobedience and grumbling from the Israelites.  
    • Exodus 32:7-14: “An intimate exchange: Two friends talking about what to do”
    • Exodus 32:31-33:6: “So Moses returned to the Lord and said…”
    • Exodus 33:7-11: “God speaks to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend”
    • Also, If you have never read the entire story of the Israelites’ journey from Egypt to the Promised Land, consider putting it on your Bible reading bucket list (mainly the books of Exodus, Deuteronomy and Joshua).  Seriously not boring sections of the Old Testament–they read like a Netflix drama with some comedy mixed in! Reading them out loud is even more captivating!


Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Beautiful in His Time: A New Season


Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • You may not have moved, but maybe you need to consider what needs to be uprooted in your life. Are there habits that need to be weeded out? Ask God what He wants you to uproot so that you can plant things that bring vibrant life.
  • The seasons of a person’s life are not always marked by a geographic move.  Staying in the same place requires steps of faith, also. My friend’s husband just went through a process to decide if he should change jobs which would require a geographic move.  God led him to stay. The decision process and the staying are leading them into a new season of life right where they are.  How has God worked in your life to lead you into a new season of life, and/or growth and dependence upon Him?  Try making a map of your life: as you look back can you mark off specific seasons? You might use these 5 H’s to help:  Heritage (family), High Times, Hard Times, Heroes, Hand of God.
  • Pray a prayer of surrender.  I recently heard a woman speak who has been greatly used by God through the past 50 years of her adult life.  She told a story about being a young woman sitting outside looking at a beautiful landscape at the ministry headquarters where God had called her to work.  She was amazed at the things God was doing through this new ministry and that she got to be a part of it. She asked the Lord, “Why me, Lord? Why do I get to do these things?  Why are you using me?” And he answered, “Because you said, ‘yes.’” I (Courtnee) felt deeply challenged and encouraged to surrender my heart (continually) to God and His will, not my own plans and ambitions.  And then, when I was sharing about how this story impacted me, I was asked a powerful question which I want to share with you: “What if this year you only did what God wanted to do through you?”  (Huh, you might be thinking?  That was my response.) You may also think that the “only” part sounds so little, so much less than what you want to accomplish.  You’ve got plans. Ambitions. But I think the “only” actually guards the sacred in that question rather than minimizes it. So what if this year you ONLY did what God wanted to do through you?

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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