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Category Archives: #summer2019

Moms in Progress: Jennifer Grant

7 / 31 / 198 / 1 / 19

Michelle
Michelle

Many of you have asked for an update on Jennifer Grant’s story. We shared her health journey on a Moms in Progress several months ago when she was flying to Germany for treatments. She is such an inspiration to us in the way she is processing everything and we wanted to give you an update as well as an opportunity to be encouraged like she has encouraged us.
Welcome, Jennifer!

Michelle
Jennifer

Hello! Thank you so much for continuing to share our story.

Michelle
Michelle

We’re so glad you’re here. So for those who haven’t followed you in the past few months, catch them up with where you are and what you’re doing. And if you want to read our past post about Jennifer’s story, go here!

Michelle
Jennifer

I have been in Scottsdale, Arizona, since school got out getting special cancer treatment at a place called Envita. Since Kevin and I had gone to Germany for long periods of time away from our 5 little kids before, I didn’t want to be away from my whole family again while getting cancer treatment for the entire summer. By the Lord’s providence, He worked it out that I could have my family together in Arizona while I get treatment.

Envita Medical Center is state-of-the-art in cancer treatment, and because Arizona’s medical laws are so progressive, they can do things here that can’t be done anywhere else in the United States. It’s really amazing. They harvested my cancer cells and then tested my cancer’s DNA to see what exactly would kill it, and they got a list of natural and chemo agents to use. Then they do insulin-potentiated chemo so the cancer cells gobble it up before the healthy cells. Plus, they only use a fraction (10-15%) of the conventional dose. I’m thankful to be here doing this. I wrote more about the details in one of my blog posts

Michelle
Michelle

I’m so glad that you have found a place that you feel is able to help you. I remember when I found a place in Chicago that helped me post-cancer and I remember thanking God for being so involved in the details to direct me to a place to help me. I love that you’re leaning on God every step of this way and so glad to hear you feel they are supporting you. How have your kids been handling everything this summer?

Michelle
Jennifer

Even though we are all together for the summer, I leave every morning between 7:15 and 8 am. Ben, our 2-year-old, follows me to the garage begging me not to leave and says, “Hold me, Mommy!” and “Don’t go to ‘Vita!”

Sometimes he and my 4-year-old daughter try to follow me to the car, him crying, “Don’t go!” and her crying for more kisses and hugs goodbye.

Whenever he hears me say the word “Go” he cries and pleads with me not to leave, even if I say, “I’m going to run a load of laundry” or “Will you go get your brother…”

Needless to say, it tears me up inside. I sometimes get choked up myself. But I always remind myself that I’m doing all this to be with them longer. Even though my children crying for me is emotionally wrenching, I know the Lord has brought me here and I’m in the right place.

Michelle
Michelle

Oh my goodness, that is heart-wrenching. All of the mamas reading this just cried along with you! I am sure that is so very difficult for you. What are they doing while you are gone?

Michelle
Jennifer

Kevin’s been home with them having the older ones work through schoolbooks, cooking the kids their meals, and playing with them.

The older 4 kids are also enjoying the pool by where we are staying so much, and they loved Vacation Bible School at the church we attend here. They’ve even asked us to return to Arizona next summer!

I’m also thankful that Kevin and the kids are here with me. We are all loving Arizona—even in the summer with the temperature above 100 degrees daily.

Michelle
Michelle

Wow, first of all, your hubby sounds like a champ! He has really risen to the occasion to support you. What an amazing gift. And second, how awesome that you’re all able to be together through this journey. It is one you all will never forget.
What would you say you’re most learning right now on this journey?

Michelle
Jennifer

I am learning so much on this journey. One major theme is that having Christ as the center of your life is the most important part of living. I am so thankful to know the living God. With a diagnosis like cancer, a person can go one of two ways – you can blame God or run to Him. Cancer has drawn me closer to God.

I have seen so many blessings throughout this journey. I have learned that Jesus is everything. Without Him I am nothing. And I mean that.

I want others to know about how to have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ. When you’re walking the tight rope between life and death it makes a huge difference to know that when you die you’re going to see Christ Jesus in heaven. It has nothing to do with any good work that you have done. On the contrary it only has to do with the work that Christ has done on your behalf. I am a sinner, but Christ has redeemed me. I’m more bold in telling people about Him because I want people to have a relationship with Him as well.

I am telling my kids the same thing – I really want all of our family to be in heaven someday. I’m not planning on entering heaven anytime soon. However stage four cancer sure makes you think about heaven and hell a lot. I am so thankful to know that my cancer doesn’t surprise God. In fact He allowed it to happen for his glory and my good.

Michelle
Michelle

Thank you so much for sharing your heart. You have inspired all of us and I’m so thankful for how God is working in and through you. How can we continue to support you in this journey?

Michelle
Jennifer

Please join us in praying that the Lord will totally eradicate my cancer. I have also just been diagnosed with Lyme disease as a main contributor to my cancer. So that’s another issue being addressed at Envita. They know how to treat it so I’m in good hands.

Envita is not covered by insurance, and the Lord has provided abundantly for us to be here through many generous people. Please pray that He would continue to provide for our financial needs to cover the rest of our expenses.

We are still trying to raise about $5,000 to cover the rest of my expenses. The Lord has provided in so many ways. I’m excited to see how He provides the rest through His faithful people in the days to come. I want this to be all for His glory.

If you want to follow me, I post on my blog and youtube channel. You can find the info here.

Michelle
Michelle

You are a walking testament of trusting God for each day. Thank you for sharing and we can’t wait to hear another update soon!

Michelle

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post? Just click here and answer a few questions including the details of your story. We will do the rest.

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Dealing with Disrespectful Kids

7 / 29 / 197 / 29 / 19

Virginia

You know those coffee commercials where the mom gently rises in her bed with the smell of that first cup? Yeah, I look nothing like that this morning! More like “Morning of the Living Dead!” ?

Anna
Anna

Ahahaha, that’s hilarious. I know exactly what you mean! I don’t wake up that way either. ?

Anna
Virginia

Or I awake to someone talking at me. That’s what gets me – how quickly some days begin almost immediately going downhill. It’s like, I’ve been conscious for 30 seconds and you’re in a bad mood and being rude to me? What’s up with that?

Anna
Anna

Right…You need waffles this very second? You want to know where your clean uniform is? You need me to mediate an argument over a brush? And it’s not so much the demands as it is the attitude.

Anna
Virginia

I usually hear, “I’m starving. Go downstairs with me.” And then he doesn’t eat for 45 minutes. ? I think it would help to take a deep breath and just remind ourselves it’s developmentally appropriate for them to be selfish.

Anna
Anna

True! I have a really hard time remembering that their world literally does revolve around them. It’s like when you’re in school and you see your favorite teacher in the grocery store. It’s so confusing: they have a life outside of teaching me? It’s just hard for kids to grasp that. Same thing with Mom and Dad. They simply see us as one-dimensional. And it’s hard to teach them that they’re not Priority One.

Anna
Virginia

Yes, ultimately it is our job to put up those boundaries, even though they don’t like it or may not understand.

Anna
Anna

Yeah. “No, I can’t get you more lemonade right now. You need to wait.” Or “No, you have had enough sleepovers lately; you can’t have one tonight.” (And even if you whine or get an attitude, that doesn’t change my answer.)

Anna
Virginia

And we need to be prepared for their angry response because in their world, they should have sugar, sleepovers and fun 24/7. They don’t know what brats they’d be if we let them have all the junk. Thanks to Kirk Martin (celebratecalm.com), the name-calling that results from that disappointment no longer bothers me.

Anna
Anna

So I think that’s really the challenge — how to respond??? ?

Anna
Virginia

When my son calls me a name, I might say a neutral statement like, “You might be right.” My goal is to defuse the situation, not amp him up by trying to prove my point. Even at 5 he knows he doesn’t mean it; he’s just mad because he’s not getting what he wants.

Anna
Anna

Right!! My mom reminded me the other day — yes, she’s 12, but you really do know what’s best for her. She just doesn’t know it.

Anna
Virginia

But how we do not take it personally?

Anna
Anna

By not making their attitude about us. (I know, easier said than done. But it’s the truth.)

Anna
Virginia

Yes – they’re letting their emotions carry themselves away and do and say things they know are wrong because they’re immature. It’s about them, not us.

Anna
Anna

Totally. So it’s that calm but firm approach. And you are not going to get a rise out of me just because you’re unhappy with my answer.

Anna
Virginia

Right!

Anna
Anna

But what about when you feel like they’ve gone too far? Like what about if they said something really mean, or are just acting like a total brat? I have a hard time ignoring that, especially after I’ve already ignored it several times.

Anna
Virginia

I think, whatever you immediately want to do, that’s the wrong response. Lol. I’ve never improved a situation by following my first reaction.

Anna
Anna

Well that’s a good point. It’s just such a strong urge to correct their behavior THIS VERY SECOND so it doesn’t happen again.

Anna
Virginia

Me too! But in that moment it’s just all feelings. And like everything else, it’s our job to model and guide. If we’re sarcastic and rude back to them, they’ll respond in kind. We need to defuse the situation and show (and practice with them) how to ask for things respectfully. Of course, they can have the ketchup or the lemonade but they’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Anna
Anna

I am TOTALLY about to teach my kids that phrase!!!

Anna
Virginia

One of my go-to parenting books is titled How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It gives dozens of phrases to use with kids to encourage them to cooperate, listen, etc. I need to revisit that.

Anna
Anna

I need that too! It helps to have some go-to phrases, as opposed to my usual, “You hurt me with that response” kind of message.

Anna
Virginia

Maybe instead of “You hurt me” it’s, “This is how other friends might take your words.” Then it’s not, “Oh, my mom is so sensitive” or “She’s clueless.”

Anna
Anna

That’s good stuff, Virginia! Talking about how her friends might take her words/tone is a great idea, because we need to rise above how it’s affecting us and make it more the idea of “I care about the person you are becoming and your future relationships.”

Anna
Virginia

Yeah, and as they get older, they’re going to care more about the relationships outside their family. Teaching them is easier said than done, I know. But it’s time that we put our big girl panties on and remember that it’s not about us. We have to develop tougher skins.

Anna
Anna

Ahh, not my forte. ?

Anna
Virginia

Me neither.

Anna
Anna

But when I am feeling sad because one of my kids (or multiple kids) have hurt my feelings with their words, actions, or tone, I have to go back to God with it. I need to remember that my kids aren’t the source of my stability or love. Yes, I get love from them, but that can’t be my only motivation. They aren’t created to fulfill me; that’s too much pressure on any one person, let alone a child.

Anna
Virginia

So maybe the main thing with disrespectful kids is modeling good responses, and remembering God fills our needs — not our kids. When we fill up on God’s Word we can parent from a confident place. It always goes back to Him which is exactly what He wants. And we know Jesus was mocked, insulted by His family, so we can’t be surprised when we are too.

Anna
Anna

So are you saying I need to shorten my pity parties following disrespectful behavior? ? What will I do with all that extra time??

Anna
Virginia

You’ll have time to wash those big girl panties! ???

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV)
  • “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, honor the emperor.” (1 Peter 2:17, NIV)

Music to inspire you:

  • “How He Loves” by David Crowder Band
  • “Your Love Never Fails” by Jesus Culture
  • “Lead Me” by Sanctus Real

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish (They even have a version for ages 2-7!)
  • Teen-Proofing by John Rosemond
  • Parenting by the Book: Biblical Wisdom for Raising Your Child by John Rosemond
  • Celebrate Calm – Developed by Kirk Martin, a series of programs that teaches parents and educators to be the calm adult every child needs.
  • Article: “How To Help Your Kids With Their Turbulent Emotions”

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Do You See Me?
  • (this one’s about marriage but the main point is finding our satisfaction in God)

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Get to the root. Could the appearance of defiance actually be a sign of anxiety or stress, rather than actively trying to push your buttons (I’m scared but I seem angry)? Remember when they were newborns and you would cycle through the 4 main reasons they were upset: hungry, tired, overstimulated, wet/messy? I think that strategy applies to everyone. Often we’re rude because we just haven’t met all of our basic needs. That’s why the term “hangry” is so popular. Kids especially get so caught in play and tend to postpone food and bathroom needs.
  • Use positive language. Tell kids what you are going to do and avoid being accusatory. Instead of “Sit down now! It’s lunchtime! You guys are so slow, hurry up!” Say: “I serve lunch to children sitting at the kitchen table.” I (Virginia) tend to shout a lot of directions up the second floor of our home. It is more effective when I actually walk up there and speak calmly and at a normal volume.
  • Rehearse alternative responses. Sometimes they are rude because they don’t know another way to ask for something so they just demand: “Give me a cookie now!” Model and practice in a quieter voice with “short words” (as I, Virginia, call them, as opposed to whiny words that take longer to say) so they know how to ask in a respectful manner. Make it fun. Role play – you play the whiny child and they can be the mom.

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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