Tag Archives: Anna Brink

Why My Self-Control Wasn’t Enough

I feel like I’ve been missing something MAJOR with this self-control thing. As a Christian, I know that “when I am weak, He is strong.” But how?

I get confused and frustrated in my life when I try to have self-control and it morphs into perfectionism. There is this fine line between hopeless guilt and godly conviction when I fail to overcome a task or challenge. When I run out of steam, I tend to feel the former — hopeless guilt. This totally zaps my energy. I think, Why do you keep failing? You should be stronger. The little voices of my insecurities have a hayday in my brain.

Godly conviction, on the other hand, seems to have the opposite affect — one of hope and power and security. How do I get that, and where am I going off-course?

You may have heard Chris Pratt’s speech at the MTV Awards a few days ago. In his “Nine Rules from Chris Pratt, Generation Award Winner,” he ended with this one: “Number 9: Nobody is perfect. People are going to tell you: You’re perfect just the way you are. You’re not. You are imperfect. You always will be. But — there is a powerful force that designed you that way. And if you’re willing to accept that, you will have grace. And grace is a gift.” 

After hearing this, it dawned on me. I am still expecting perfection from myself. I am still thinking I can do it on my own, with my own power.

John Piper, founder and teacher of desiringgod.org, says, “In Jesus, we have a source for true self-control far beyond that of our feeble selves.”  Another writer, David Mathis, tells us that the reason self-control is such a big challenge is it involves our hearts, emotions, minds, AND bodies.

So imagine with me for a second, you are going to push a heavy box across the floor. You’re trying to get it to the other side of the room. It’s extremely heavy. You start off with so much determination to get that box to the other side because there is a reward waiting for you.

Your insecurities are breathing down your neck — pushing you to change. I want to be thinner. I need to be like my friends on Instagram. I have to get more organized and stop being messy. You psych yourself up, I can do this.

After a while, that box gets heavier. You’re sweating. It’s painful. You’re still determined, but the other side of the room seems very far away. Little voices in your head start saying, Nope. You can’t do this.

And then you’re on the floor, leaning up against the box, mad at yourself. You literally have no more strength to push. You wonder, God, how do I get YOUR strength?

John Piper came up with a method called A.P.T.A.T. (“App-tat”). It stands for:
A: Admit that you can’t do this on your own. This goes back to Chris Pratt’s speech: You’re not perfect.
P: Pray for God’s help.
T: Trust a specific promise from God’s Word. Focus your mind on it.
A: Act on it. Do the thing you need to do.
T: Thank God afterward for the help you received.

I’ve been missing like 3 of the 5 steps here, at best! I am pretty good at remembering to PRAY, and I try to ACT. But I haven’t been doing all of the rest.

Now imagine the box scenario again. You’ve got this heavy box to push across the room. What if first, you stop to secure your motives: Why am I doing this? Why is this healthy or best for me or my family? What if you take a minute to let God transform your motivation from an insecurity (I’m too fat) to a goal (I want to have a healthier body and mind).

Then you engage A.P.T.A.T.! Admit you’re not perfect and you need God’s help. Pray. Then speak a promise from the Bible, really focusing on it: Lord, I believe that you are able to give me the grace to do this, that with you, I am fully sufficient to do this task. With your help, we will even abound in this good work. It’s hard, but it’s not too hard with you behind me” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

NOW you put your hands on that heavy box and push (ACT)! As you’re pushing and starting to sweat, there are times where you may need to revisit TRUST! Go back to that promise and use it again and again!

And don’t forget the THANKS. I know I do, sometimes. It’s not right, but I’ve already moved on without any thanks, whatsoever. Being thankful is so important because it acknowledges (to ourselves and those around us) that God was THERE. He was faithful. We weren’t alone.

So what if your hands slip off the box for a while? What if you sit down and cry next to your box? Well, we’re back to the ADMIT part. The Chris Pratt part. You’re not perfect. But when you are ready to accept that (are you really?), you get the gift of grace. You get to stand up and TRUST again.

“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)

Written by Anna Brink

 

Giving My Support for Father’s Day

“Where do you want to go for lunch?” I asked my husband, who was driving our van with all three kids in tow.

“How about Arby’s?” he answered.

“Naa… I don’t think so. The kids don’t usually eat there. Let’s just go to Wendy’s.”

My husband suddenly looked a little put-out. What had I done? Weren’t we just having a casual conversation?

Fast-forward a couple months. We’re driving again — this time on a long trip. Every so often at Texting the Truth we like to ask our hubbies questions that guide us on blog posts. We’ve been hashing out this #bemomstrong theme; so I asked him, “What makes a strong wife?”

And he had a lot to say. Not in a negative or criticizing way — just in a “I have a clear answer for that” kind of way.

He said that a strong wife is supportive. This is what that means to him:

  • When she asks for his opinion, she really listens to it.
  • When he has an idea, she respects it.
  • When he says something in private or public, she doesn’t make him look stupid by laughing or contradicting him.
  • When he needs it, she encourages him, even if she really thinks he kinda messed up.

And here’s the kicker: He said it’s just as important to do this in the little things, as in the big things.

And suddenly the dejectedness following the question of where to go for lunch made sense. Because I used to do that all the time — ask him a question, and then decide against it. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but it had added up.

When a woman supports her man in this way, she’s saying, “I think you’re wise. I think you’re smart. I trust you.” The best part is that through that simple thing, she’s building him up — strengthening him. In turn, it strengthens their overall relationship.

I’m still catching myself thinking my way or my idea is better than his. But after respecting his ideas, I’ve learned that his ideas are often brilliant — things I never would have come up with. This has been especially true in tough parenting situations. Before, I would have seen a problem happening with one of our children and come to him with my very well-laid out plan, expecting him to JUMP on board and be all for it. Instead, now I come to him with the problem I’m seeing, and then ask, “What do you think we should do?”

Now, this is not to say that we don’t go back and forth, hashing it out together. He wants to hear my opinion and ideas too. It just means that I’m now asking AND respecting his ideas, even when it’s not the way I would have gone.

But guess what? Our children are not all me. They are half him. So sometimes, the way he would approach things or explain things actually makes MORE sense to them because they are like him.

God really knew what He was doing when he put two very different people together and called them “one.” And after 17 years, I’m still learning and tweaking this “one” thing. But it’s pretty awesome to see it grow.

Maybe the best gift you can give your husband this year for Father’s Day is just to ask his opinion and really listen.

~By Anna Brink
To read more about Anna, click here.


Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • Ephesians 5:31: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
  • Ecclesiastes 4:12: “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
  • Romans 12:10: “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.”
  • Proverbs 31:10: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
  • Ecclesiastes 4:9-11: “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone?”

    Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • My Father’s Day Gift: Butting Out
  • Other #bemomstrong posts: Finding Identity in Our Maker


    Living Out the Truth

    Ideas to try:

    • Try asking your hubby where he wants to eat dinner next time you’re out, and actually go there. ?
    • Ask your husband a question about how to solve a parenting or work-related issue. Respond with thanks, especially after you’ve tried the idea.
    • Praise your hubby in front of other people.
    • One of the sweetest sentences a person can hear is, “You know what, I think you are right about that.” Try that on your husband the next time he gives his opinion.
    • When your opinions differ, check your body language and tone. Facial expressions can say a lot. Just by the tone of your voice, you can accidentally communicate, “That is stupid.” Or, you can communicate, “That’s interesting and valid. I have another point of view though.”

{These suggestions are ideas from novice moms. Sometimes our life situations need more. In that case, seeking out professional help is the right call.}