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Category Archives: Marriage

Moms in Progress: Pam Moore

8 / 28 / 198 / 27 / 19

Jen

Hi, Pam! Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with our readers. We love reading your comments on the blog, and you always have such wisdom to share. We wanted to dig a little deeper and allow our readers the privilege of getting to know you, too!

I can’t help but notice this sweet picture, here. Can you tell us about it?

Pam

This picture is of my youngest daughter, Kelly, and I at Newport Aquarium in Cincinnati.

Jen

I love your smiles. It looks like you two were making some great memories that day!
So tell us, do you have any other children?

Pam

I have 3 children… Kari, who is 40, Rob (38), and Kelly (30). I also have 6 grandchildren. I am a seasoned mom, but have had lots of bumps along that road!

I also have 2 wonderful step-children, Betsy and Jared, and Jared’s wife Phoebe, and they have made my life complete with their unconditional love.

Jen

Oh, boy, I think a lot of us can relate to that. My motherhood journey is just starting out, and I’ve already had my fair share of bumps and bruises! Any advice for those of us still trying to figure things out?

Pam

My ‘children’ are grown and need very little assistance from me. I like to keep in touch with them, but, honestly, they are not nearly as needy as I am. I am learning to trust not knowing how their lives are going and feeling good about that. Kari and Rob spent most of their growing up years with their dad and stepmom, and I honestly am just glad to be able to share in their lives at all. If there’s anything I can tell you, it’s that keeping your marriage vows sacred is the best security you can give your children. I thank God that my children have wonderful marriages!

Jen

Such a great reminder. It’s so easy to get caught up in our children and neglect the foundation that made us a family in the first place! I’m making a mental note right now to get a date night on the calendar, pronto?!

So are there any books or podcasts that have been inspiring you lately??

Pam

I am reading Barbara Kingsolver’s “Small Wonder” essays now. I also like daily devotionals like “Streams in the Desert”. I thought I was too old for the podcast generation, but I was just on the road to Wisconsin and listened to Jen Hatmaker’s podcast, “For the Love”. The time on the road passed quickly and I felt so enlightened!

Jen

Ha! I only recently discovered the podcast world and it’s pretty great, but there’s something so personal and meaningful to me about interacting with an actual book. I’m not familiar with those titles, and now I can’t wait to check them out.

Any mom products you’re loving these days?

Pam

I love the Fabfitfun boxes?!

Jen

Oooh, you’ve got me beat there. I haven’t tried those yet, but I hear great things! What’s not to love about a box of trendy items sent right to your door? I’m all about anything that can make life a little bit easier.

Speaking of go-to’s for busy moms, is there a favorite simple meal ? that’s a staple in your house?

Pam

I’ve been cooking Home Chef meals lately, but I also love sheet pan vegetables… finally, I enjoy Brussels sprouts! It took the olive oil to change me!

Jen

Yes! Sheet pan veggies are a must in my house with all my picky vegetable eaters. I’ll be honest, we’ve been in survival mode lately and getting a real meal on the table has been anything but easy. Those bumps in the road you were talking about earlier – how have you gotten through them?

Pam

At this time in my life, letting go is something I have to emotionally commit to and frequently tell myself. I did the best I could under the circumstances of the time. It was a struggle to feel like a mom when I wasn’t always able to physically be present. The facts may be real and very sad, but the outcome is what matters. My children thrive and are the best parents I could ever imagine. That matters so much more than ‘me.’ To be positive, and healthy, and to take care of my well-being keeps me able to enjoy all of the blessings that are around me. At this point in my life, to rejoice in the fact that my children made amazing lives for themselves is pure joy!

And I do listen to Dr. Laura on the radio. She says that childrens’ IQs are inherited from their moms so ???!!!

Jen

IQ’s inherited from Mom, huh? Nice! I’m personally hoping my boys also inherited some of their dad’s math ability??‍♀️.

We deal with some pretty heavy stuff as moms. Is there a “victory” or lesson you’ve learned from all you’ve experienced?

Pam

A victory? Well, I get to see my children every so often, and they do love me. And my grandchildren are smart, and happy, and loved so much. That IS a victory. By God’s grace, we have great memories, and hopefully we will continue to make more. I would love for talks and time alone with my children and I do get occasionally get that. Life doesn’t always work out the way you want… as long as my children are living good lives, that is more than enough for me. Positivity always creates opportunities.

Jen

Positivity creates opportunities…I need to write that one down✏️!

Pam

As I get older, I’ve also found that friendship is the truest blessing. Cherish with the deepest part of your heart your “old” friends. I spent last weekend at Torch Lake in Michigan. We were at a friend’s home watching sailboats float by, eating Wisconsin cherries and laughing – old friends and new friends. What gifts!

Jen

Oh, wow, that sounds magical!

On a lighter note, what is the funniest thing your kids have said or done recently?

Pam

My daughter Kelly told me tonight that her cat Ivan wakes her up every night “screaming” because he has a toy to show her. She only has fur babies… and a heart of gold. She works as a cancer nurse at the Cleveland Clinic and is so happy when she helps a patient facing extreme health problems.

Jen

What an incredible job! I can only imagine what a blessing she is to her patients. Her cat, Ivan, sounds like quite the character, too?!

So…do you have any final words of advice for those of us still in the trenches?

Pam

Well, you all are young and I love reading your blogs, as well as your courage and commitment to being such awesome moms. I am inspired by you! Don’t let go of your intuition, and always share truths with your spouse. Don’t put anything before that relationship…take time to be each other’s best friend.

Always know there is someone who wants to help you, and listen, if you are down or frustrated. We are in this together, and a lot of us need to be needed when we are done raising our children. Even the hardest times can have happy endings. Just have faith… real faith. The kind where God’s all you have left, and then miracles happen. ✝️

I have changed my heart space in recent years and I have my husband, Steve, and his mom (who will be 90 this year!) to thank for challenging my heart to change. No one knows your spirit but you – when you’re real, and honest, you can find love in nature, your faith, your people, your practices, or your children. Whatever you need to do…go find it. Because before you know it, you’re a grandmother!

Jen

Thank you so much, Pam. I know I speak for all of our readers when I say that we appreciate your vulnerability and wisdom. We’re all just trying to do the best we can, so knowing that we may hit a pothole or two along the way – but can still emerge on the other side in one piece, with gratitude and perspective – makes me feel a whole lot better????.

Do you have a story to tell? Would you like to be featured in a future Moms in Progress post?  Just click here and answer a few questions to share the details of your story. We will do the rest!

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A Time to Be Silent, A Time to Speak

11 / 19 / 1811 / 18 / 18

As a self-proclaimed “extroverted introvert,” finding the balance ⚖️ between what fills me up and what drains me has always been a craft that’s required some fine-tuning.
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It’s no secret that communication is key ? in absolutely every area of our lives – essential to the continued growth of our marriages?, the always-evolving relationships we have with our children?, interactions with other moms, our friends, and family ?.
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As a child, I mistook my introverted tendencies to be an innate flaw ?. I was surrounded by extroverted mentors, many of whom I greatly admired. I wanted terribly to be naturally outgoing, to feel comfortable in overwhelmingly social situations, and to be the person with just the right thing to say at the right time. It took me a long time to realize I’m simply not wired that way – rather, I’m exactly the person {and personality} that God intended ?.
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In the early years of our marriage, I found it all too easy to brush the day-to-day under the rug ?. My husband and I are both pretty easy-going people, and work schedules, household chores, and life in general always required us to take turns making our fair share of sacrifices?. Fast forward to the unforeseen moment when something small would inevitably spark a conversational spew?, and my poor husband would get hit with a stream of grievances he’d never seen coming?– and, let’s be honest, weren’t even an issue most days – until it just so happened that the emotions boiled over? (with, perhaps, exhaustion, loneliness, or anxiety truly to blame)?‍♀️. It didn’t take us long to realize that our communication habits, and give-give-give mentalities, needed a reboot ?.
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Even my prayer life changed when I became a mom??. My go-to reflection on the drive to work each morning was always, “Lord, please be on my mind ?, on my lips ?, and in my heart ?.” This remains of primary value to me, but I also credit the rigors of motherhood ?? with teaching me to foster a real, raw, and ongoing relationship with God – to engage Him in more than just the moments I’m feeling most grateful, or needy ?.
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How about you, Mama? Can you relate?
Like everything else in life and motherhood, this can be a work in progress??. So here’s what I’m learning…
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I’ve learned that introspection is a gift ?, not a flaw. I’m not wired to be as extroverted as some of my peers, family members, or friends, and you know what? That’s ok. It’s more than ok, actually, because when God wired me, He did so in the way that best suited my gifts and talents ??. I’ve learned that extroverted ease is something I can appreciate in others, without feeling the need to emulate☺️. Can I speak up for what’s right? Do I enjoy getting involved in activities that matter to me, meeting new people, and growing through fellowship? You bet I do. Am I a good friend, and an even better listener? ? I certainly try to be. If I can answer all of these questions resolutely, then I’d say I’m extroverted in all the right ways. The drive to speak up and the desire to be truly seen and heard go hand-in-hand ???, and I want to do both according to where my heart leads ?–not because I feel I’m supposed to.
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In our marriage, my husband and I work to maintain ongoing communication?. We’ve learned to vocalize how we’re feeling before it ever becomes a problem – no matter how significant or silly – and we feel heard every step of the way? (not just at the breaking point?). We step in for one another in small ways when we can, and without asking, before one or the other of us is completely exhausted ?, or blows up without warning. In his book, Everybody Always, author Bob Goff says, “We make plans, and God sends us a person.”  That spouse of mine? He’s my person – my life’s partner – and I’m an integral part of his plan, too. Don’t wait for date night to check in and catch up. ?
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I credit being a special needs mom with pushing me toward more openness and vulnerability in all of my relationships✨. Rather than desiring to “have it all together,” I can appreciate God’s constant reminders for humility. And guess what? Opening up about all of the less-envied parts of motherhood has made me a better mom, more relatable, and approachable?‍♀️. Turns out that when you open your heart to others, they feel safe enough to do the same – and what an incredible gift that is ?.
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The bottom line, Mama? Do what works for you??. Let your gifts and interests lead you to where you’re meant to be ➡️. Don’t be afraid to speak up and share your heart, but also know when it’s time (and ok) to just listen❣️.

Our God? He’s doing the exact same thing.

For us. ?  

Every. Single. Day.

?Jen

Soaking in the Truth

Scripture to encourage you:

  • “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the Heavens…a time to be silent and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3: 1, 7b).
  • “If boasting is necessary, I will boast about my weaknesses” (2 Corinthians, ‪11:30‬).
  • “There are different ministries, but the same Lord” (1 Corinthians, 12:5).
  • “For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline” (2 Timothy, 1:7).
  • “You’re my place of quiet retreat. I wait for your word to renew me” (Psalm 119:114).
  • “Let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth” (1 John, 3:18).

Music to inspire you:

  • Speak Life, by ‪Toby MAC‬
  • You Say, by Lauren Daigle
  • Great Plans, by Cloverton

Readings and Resources to come alongside of you:

  • It’s Ok Mama, Just Say No, by Dayton Moms Blog
  • Everybody Always, by Bob Goff
  • Raise Your Voice: Why We Stay Silent and How to Speak Up, by Kathy Khang
  • The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts, by Gary Chapman
  • The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively, by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

Related Posts on Texting The Truth:

  • Real Need, Real Help
  • Mom Win Wednesday: Courtney Brose
  • Good Enough
  • I Dropped My Friend Ball

Living Out the Truth

Ideas to try:

  • Ask yourself these questions: 

o   What fills you up?
o   What drains you?
o   What are your passions?
o   How can you use your God-given talents?
o   What areas of your life need some tweaking?

  • Start small, and be patient with yourself! Learning to find the balance of that works for you is a special sort of give-and-take juggling act. Do you find yourself over-committed more than you’d like, or are there areas in your life where you could free up some space?  For me (Jen), I’ve learned that if we’re looking at an exceptionally busy few days, I should also schedule some time on the calendar to do absolutely nothing and refuel with my family.
  • Talk to your partner. Where do you feel you can improve as a communicator in your relationship? As your family grows, your relationship needs to evolve with the ever-changing ages and stages. Don’t forget to check in regularly.
  • Do something special for your partner, just because. ?
  • Talk with your kids about what they perceive to be their strengths and gifts. Where do they need a little more confidence? Are they more introspective processors, or does it fill them up to be the life of the party? In a world where it’s too easy to be just like everyone else, we can do our kids a huge favor by encouraging them to use their unique talents and gifts to make the world a better place.

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We don’t claim to have motherhood figured out. Actually quite the opposite. We’re a group of women who first and foremost love the Lord and want to honor Him with our lives and talents. And we decided that what better way for us to sort out this beautiful and messy thing called motherhood but to process it together in text messages? Our prayer is that as we share our real-life stories and honest experiences, every mom who visits our blog will receive tangible truth and experience real grace.

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